I had all of these lovely ideas of what I 'd put in this blog post , but when it's come down to writing it, there are not enough words in the word to describe what an amazing person she is, how special our relationship is and how much I'll miss her no longer living two doors away so hopefully I will do her and us justice...
On the ward I'm on, we have a buddy system so that new patients are shown around by another patient and my buddy was Chelsea. The Ward Manager said she'd paired us up because she thought we were both intelligent and gifted, I don't think she could've found a better match!
When I first met Chels I thought she was quiet, she'd speak to the other girls on the ward who she knew but we didn't chat a lot when I was first admitted. She was still struggling a lot then though and she kept herself to herself mostly. When we first started talking it was hard because she was on edge that I'd be another person to let her down or leave her and I was worried I was the only one in the relationship that felt as strongly as I did. I wasn't, as it turned out. And the relationship progressed, we would sit together on takeaway weekends, give beauty and hair advice and did a few mischievous things to the staff. We became best-friends when I first went AWOL and overdosed; I think we both properly realised how much we loved one another and once I'd finished the medical treatment, we made a pact that no matter how much we pushed one another away we wouldn't go anywhere. We've never broken that.
We bought joint presents for all of the girls on the ward at Christmas and we saw in New Years as predicted; crying. Except, it was me who had to be held, not her - as we'd thought. The beginning of 2013 saw us learning what worked for each other when the other was struggling so that I knew what look in her eyes meant she needed a hat over her ears and she knew where to check in my room for my visual hallucinations. For my 22nd birthday she bought me Converse and we swapped presents for Valentines. Then, she began going outside again and slowly but surely she progressed from the Hospital car park to a restaurant in the city centre!
When I began the process with the Police for my 'trauma' Chelsea was there from start to finish and after that, we had a few months of easier times. More good than bad. And we had our first photos together and first leave off the ward together.
When it was decided to move her, we made the most of our time together!
I know you'll think I'm biased because she's my best-friend but she wouldn't be such a massive part of my life if all of this wasn't true... Chelsea is the bravest and strongest person I know. For her to still be alive is, in itself, an achievement but she's gone that bit further and is actively trying her hardest to strive for a better life and work for her future. And although sometimes, she will still need help and support, she doesn't need to rely on others to ensure her safety. To know her story and see how she is now fills me with hope and convinces me that if she can do it then I've got no excuse! She's the first person other than my Mum who's pain I've felt. I trust her completely and love that she makes me feel and act like a much better person than I'm told I am. She gives me ammunition against the voices and gives me motivation to recover so that I can have many more happy memories with her. She truly is the most special person I've ever met and I look forward to sharing our journey.
If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together. There is something you must always remember; you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is even if we are apart, I'll always be with you'
- Winnie the Pooh