EDAW 2016 with Angharad May from C4 documentary On The Edge and Online | 'Ad'

[TW]

Anorexia has consumed my life for over a decade. I have lost over a decade of my life to this horrific illness. The media glamourises and sensationalises eating disorders, and so I am here to reveal to you the truth this eating disorders awareness week.
Ultimately, eating disorders kill. Your body shuts down, and eventually, you die. I have been on the brink of death with this disorder, and can definitely tell you that it is far from glamorous.
Anorexia has taken me to hospital more times than I care to remember. Anorexia has led me to having tubes thrust up my nose and into my stomach when I could not orally feed myself. Anorexia had me on numerous IV drips to nourish my dying body. This is how out of control diets can get. I started off wanting to lose weight for a prom type event in school. Firstly, breakfast was cut out, and then lunch was thrown in the bin, and dinner was purged.
I loved the euphoria of not eating. I was disappearing, which is what I wanted. I was becoming invisible, which is what I desired. In my head, the smaller I became, the less visible I was to anyone who hurt me. The more hurt I inflicted on myself, the less it hurt when those around me hurt me, and so starving myself made the hurt inflicted by others less painful.
Having food inside me made me feel utterly disgusting, and still does to this very day. When I don't eat, I feel clean, empty and euphoric. My mental health improves and so my Schizophrenia is easier to cope with. When I do eat, I feel dirty, violated and depressed. My mental health deteriorates and I become suicidal.
I am writing this piece to reach out to anyone going through a similar situation. I am here for you. Please reach out and get help before things get too horrendous. You deserve to live freely, without an eating disorder taking over your life. The bravest thing you can do is to reach out. Please don't suffer alone in silence.
Together, we can conquer this!

10 Things You Should Know About... Borderline Personality Disorder

1. 60-70% of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) sufferers attempt suicide.

2. 8-10 of those with BPD, have experienced some form of a traumatic event in their childhood e.g. parental or sexual abuse.

3. The diagnosis originates from the belief that sufferers are on the border of being psychotic (when can't deferentiate between their perception and reality) and neurotic (mentally distressed but aware of reality).

4. The diagnosis criteria to diagnose someone with BPD has changed but it largely involves ensuring the person as a particular number of possible symptoms. These range from being impulsive, self-harming, experiencing uncontrollable anger, dramatic mood swings, and fear of abandonment.

5. There are many debates and discussions regarding the use of 'personality' in the Disorde's title after concerns over the negative connotations it provokes in others.

6. There are still staff in the mental health industry today who refuse to accept BPD as a diagnosis, believing, instead, that those who may be diagnosed are merely attention seekers. 

7. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) is the recommended treatment for BPD suffferers, with some requiring medication or specialised therapy (such as trauma therapy) alongside this.

8. There are now particular hospitals all over the country that specialise in, and only admit those, with a diagnosis of a Personality Disorder (there are more types; it isn't just BPD). The premis of this, is that those with a diagnosis such as BPD are better supported into recovery by staff who are specially trained and in an environment that is best suited for their symptoms and behaviours.

9. Often, BPD sufferers experience a variety of hallucinations that range from auditory to tactile. Mostly, these are related to stress, but occasionally they can originate from another mental health Disorder such as transient psychosis.

10. BPD is often part of a dual diagnosis - where a person is diagnosed with more than one Disorder, such as Anorexia, Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

How To Tell People You Hallucinate

Firstly, I just want to put it out there that I'm in no way telling you to tell anyone and everyone this very personal aspect of life. Secondly, you must be ready to tell someone, and this will take many personal, individual rational. And thirdly, the personal and individual decision of who you tell, is also something that is completely within your control and if you ever feel it is not, if you feel pressured tell a particular person, then don't. It will take a lot out of you to disclose these things and you need it to feel worthwhile after doing so. For example, if your having a mini meltdown in public and a random, Good Samaritan asks what's up, you could probably get around the incident without having to admit to hearing voices. In contrast, if you have a carer or close family member then it might help them better understand and support you if they're aware of what you're experiencing. Worthwhile.
I think the best way to explain something that few people experience is by comparing it to something others are more likely to have experienced so that they are more empathetic to your situation and how you may or may not be coping.
To explain auditory hallucinations (for me, this means voices) I have used the comparison of listening to music through headphones. The noise is coming through your ears and feels as though it's filling up your head. You can hear it but no one else can and sometimes it's so loud you worry others will hear. I experienced hearing voices for three years (six, now in total) before the visual hallucinations began, so I had a long time of professionals being unable to understand what I was going through. The main problem with this, is that when you self-harm or attempt suicide because of this thing they don't understand and have no empathy for, it's almost understandable to be met with ignorance and a bad attitude. No excuse but almost understandable.
Visual hallucinations, are something I've experienced for the past three years and I've personally found them to be something more widely comprehended because how many people do you hear saying 'oh I thought I saw something out the corner of my eye'? For many people, this is what they liken a visual hallucination to. Not those who experience such hallucinations though. Mostly those who have someone tell them they're hallucinating and they say 'oh this time I thought I saw something but looked again and there was nothing there, is it like that?' No, it is not. Imagine someone asking about your childhood and you tell them how you had a family dog and have lots of fun memories with it. Your family tell you there was never a dog. You remember playing in a paddling pool with it, taking it for muddy walks in fields... But it was never there. It's strange and at first you're confused and are desperate for proof that it hadn't been there. And then the acceptance sets in. And with the acceptance that something you thought was there, wasn't really, you begin to question all of your childhood memories. Or even the dog that you currently own, does he exist? Can everyone see him?! This, is how I'd help someone to understand a visual hallucination.
I've only experienced other hallucinations a handful of times so I can't advise on these but I hope this post might have inspired other ideas of how to help those who care understand what you're going through.

The Stigma of Multiple Diagnosis - A guest blog by Sophie Dishman | 'Ad'

First of all, thank you to Aimee for letting me write this blog post as a guest post on her blog!

Secondly, I should probably introduce myself, I’m Sophie. And I have two mental health diagnosis’. I have anxiety, both health anxiety (hypochondria) and social anxiety and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Mental health problems have an unfathomable amount of stigma, dating back to the mental asylums from the past. It’s shocking that in today’s “modern” society, the stigma around mental health problems still exists.

Having one mental health problem to contend with is enough, but having two is harder. My health and social anxiety come into one diagnosis of anxiety, if you are wondering why I’m not saying three diagnosis’ .

The stigma surrounding any mental health problem is inevitably large. People are labelled as “crazy”, “nuts” and “crackers”. We aren’t any of those things. We are human beings. We are people just like everyone else. We have mental health problems is all.

I think the stigma comes from the Victorian age, where people were locked up because of their “mental state”. Women were locked up for giving birth out of wedlock, homosexual people were put into institutions and some physical health problems such as epilepsy were classified as a “mental health problem”. People did not split the physical body from the mind. Today, we do. Mental health is shown in a different light to that of physical health. We can now see the distinction between epilepsy, as being a neurological problems. We can now see that homosexuality is a norm in society (although some would contest this) and are now more accepting of women giving birth out of wedlock. But yet, however much this has changed, people with mental health problems still face stigmatisation.

Anxiety is talked about as someone who “worries a lot”. Indeed a person would be correct for thinking this but there is something more to it. It’s excessive worrying that takes over your day to day life. Health anxiety faces a big challenge as it’s also more commonly known as hypochondria. I was called a “hypochondriac” throughout my childhood and I guess the name has stuck with me as a formal diagnosis. It has been used against me, by way of a joke and to jibe at me. It’s funny to some people.

Then there is the social anxiety. This one is not as big of a problem as my health anxiety 
but it is just as difficult. I may come across as confident, but inside I’m shaking, I’m nervous. Thinking things will go wrong. I get labelled as the “nervous one”, the one who is “uncomfortable” in situations where there are lots of people. It isn’t easy being in a crowd of people. I don’t know what to do or where to put myself. It’s been hinted at that I may have some form of autism. 

Last but not least we have OCD. It brings with it the stigma of “so you clean lots then?”. OCD doesn’t just include cleaning things. It’s behaviours. It’s the thoughts that occur. The obsessive part is the thoughts. They pop into your head. The compulsive part is the action. What you do to combat the behaviour. It gets tedious explaining things to people. I sanitise. I still have some rituals but I’m getting better.

Explaining to people that I have two mental health diagnosis’ is difficult. You get told that you are “twice as bad” by society. That two mental health problems have “polluted your mind”. Yes, someone actually said that to me. Anxiety and OCD are probably two of the most recognised mental health problems, but they still carry the weight of the world in terms of stigma. All mental health problems are the same in terms of severity because no-one wants to have a mental health problem, let alone two!

I hope that by reading this, you have some more understanding of multiple mental health diagnosis. If you want to follow more of my mental health journey then follow my blog: https://socialworkjourney2013.wordpress.com. You can also follow me on Twitter: @SophieMJSYPE