DAY TWELVE | A SECRET BLOGMAS 2025

“Just as we expect others to value our boundaries, it’s equally important for us to respect the boundaries of others.”

Laurie Buchanan

Welcome to A Secret Blogmas 2025!

Today is Day Twelve and this twelfth post is all about the beneficial impact there is if you – as a content creator – set boundaries within your career/work. In this post, I’ll be looking at exactly what is meant by boundaries for content creators, why they’re important, and how to set them. I’ll also be chatting about my own boundaries and how and why I have them. Keep reading to find out why and how setting boundaries can impact the success and popularity of your content and/or your platform…

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BEING A MENTAL HEALTH BLOGGER | PART THREE

MAINTAINING PRIVACY & BOUNDARIES

I recently had an interview with Newcastle University and at the beginning of it, the interviewer explained that I could be in control of how much information I revealed to her and that I could decide how much detail I went into. I laughed and told her that talking about my mental health and experiences to over 800,000 people probably makes me quite an open person!

I think that a lot of people would label me– and I totally understand why they would – as being a hypocrite to talk about and encourage other mental health bloggers to maintain a level of privacy and have boundaries around what you will publicise and what is off limits. The possible hypocrite accusations will probably stem from the fact that I talk about the rape and sexual abuse I experienced when I was younger. I guess that it’s a really personal subject for a lot of people and I think that it still makes quite a lot of readers feel a bit uncomfortable.

The way I look at it – the reason I blog about such an intimate experience, is in the hope that it will reassure others, who may have similar experiences, not to feel alone. I hope that in doing that, those people will go on to share their own stories and for some, that might be the first time they’ve done so; which could mean that it aids them in receiving help and support from professionals.

THE BIG AWKWARD CHAT: SEX, RAPE, & SEXUAL ABUSE

trigger warning: this post contains discussion of topics that may be upsetting to some readers

Even just writing the title of this post has me feeling awkward, embarrassed, anxious and doubtful that I should write such a post!

But why?

People talk about having children.

People talk about getting married.

People definitely talk about sex.

And people are starting to talk about rape and sexual abuse.

So is it that, because someone/I experiences those last two things it is made more difficult to discuss – or even mention – the rest?

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Photography: RJ Photography

If you don't follow my Twitter or stalk my Instagram or subscribe to the YouTube channel then you might not be aware of my recent relationship changes...

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I've been wanting to write something for/about Ronnie for quite a while, but I was having an internal debate; on the title of this post... I've seen many-a rant on social media about people (usually there's someone in particular that a person is having a sly dig at) who share details of their private life for the world to see. But it seems that there is no code for this. No rule. There's nothing that tells us 'it is ok to speak about your friends but it's not okay to speak about your family.' Or; 'it's ok to talk about your mental health problems, but it's not okay to talk about what has caused it.' Or (more relevantly) 'you can quote funny things your partner says but not those times when they're about their love for you.' You can't have a rule but make exceptions; because then how could it be decided where the line should be drawn?

Ronnie: Talking about our relationship on social media has always been cool with me. There's nothing wrong with letting people know how much you love someone or what you've been up to that day/night; but some things are still kept private too.

I finally came to the conclusion (obviously) that it's a personal decision and I'll post the things that I'm comfortable about telling people - with Ronnie's agreement. And if ever there was a 'perfect moment' to write about our relationship, it would be now.

Because now; there's this pretty sparkling thing on my finger to show the world that we promised each other forever. 

Ronnie has been there from the very beginning. Literally. We met in January 2009 and I took my first overdose that June. I toyed around with the idea of writing about these years (2009-2012) in our relationship but I feel that they're important to help those new to my life to understand the current changes and general 'goings-on!' Also, I realised that my reluctance to write about this time was that I didn't want to 'dwell on the past.' BUT, everything makes us who we are today; and there's a lot of different memories and emotions from those years...

In short, Ronnie held my hand whilst a hole was drilled into my shin bone to administer life-saving treatment, he'd take me to Hospital, or bring me home from Hospital, at the most ridiculous of times, and would sit in A&E with me for hours on end waiting to be seen. I think that those years were not only the hardest, but also the most strengthening of our relationship. As with many of my relationships (friends and family etc) during that time, once I was better, I felt that I had to 'make it up' to the person. An apology. A thank-you. These convictions have all gone after talking it through with Ronnie, and I think that the balance and equality in our relationship now is one of the most amazing qualities to it.

Our many fun and happy moments during 2009-2012 included driving for almost an hour for a McDonald's because we thought that a one further away (than our three nearest ones!) made their burgers much better, creating the inside jokes that I we still say seven years later, the many road trips; with my favourites being to the Lake District, Manchester and to a family wedding (from his side) in Knottingley. And, of course, I can remember all of those key moments:

the first time we met - that only after drunk kisses I was told that the people staring at me across the room were his parents and younger sister!

When we first said 'I love you' whilst driving home and Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes was playing.

When we first danced together at my 18th Birthday Party (February 2009) and Beyoncé - Halo was playing.

Keep an eye out for the next post all about our relationship now and some more photographs from our amazing glamping experience (that Ronnie chose to propose on) with Pasturewood Holidays

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Blogger Privacy

Those who know me, will know that I've followed Zoella (Zoe Sugg) for quite a while (admittedly nothing compared to how long she's been YouTubing/blogging for. I can't even remember why I began following her but it was not long before she became a household name after launching her beauty range. I look up to her for many reasons; the most obvious being the success of her blog/YouTube, but I also admire that she too entered this industry as a total novice and has learnt as she went. Admittedly I do sometimes question whether opportunities are handed to her on a plate, but watching her vlogs you can see how hard she works on both editing her videos and writing her books/attending meetings to plan new products. And so, I fully believe that she and Alfie Deyes (PointlessBlog) have earn their million pound home.
I think that there was a mention of fans finding their home in one of their vlogs but the internet exploded two days ago when Zoe tweeted 'Really starting to lose my patience with people just turning up at our house & peering in or ringing our doorbell 😔 makes me hate my house! 😢' and around the same time, Alfie also tweeted 'Parents who drive their kids to our home & put them on their shoulders so they can lean over our walls to try and take pictures of us without us realising... I see you! I'm on the sofa in my pyjamas relaxing. Go away. If you want to meet me, I'd love that! Come to a meet up just like everyone else who wants to meet me does! You can't just drive to my house & climb our walls, that's really not fair.'
Of course there was a surge of responses with such a variety of opinions. Everyone who expressed their views was immediately jumped on by others who either agreed or disagreed. As I read through some comments I formed my own replies but resisted posting anything at fear of starting drama.
The most popular point of those who weren't on Zoe and Alfie's side, was to say that filming their private lives had made them and famous and so they should've realised what they were getting themselves into. 'Welcome to the famous life. Didn't you see this coming at all?' Zoe and Alfie promtly pointed out (correctly, in my opinion) that in beginning their YouTube channels, they'd never set out to become 'famous' and that even still, that shouldn't mean they should tolerate an invasion of their privacy. I feel that in some ways, I can relate to this. I don't mean to sound big-headed in saying this, but I'm well known in mental health through my blog and if readers started showing up at my little bungalow I'd be mortified. However, I am very grateful that it is almost solely in that area that I'm known so there's little chance someone will stop me at the shops as they regularly do with Alfie and Zoella. But like them, I started my blog to document my recovery for myself to look back on. There are many bloggers out there who begin their blog or YouTube channel in the hope of becoming well known and making some money. Alfie and Zoe were never those people.
One aspect of this entire debate/incident/Twitter war, that I can completely relate to is that people assume that because you do disclose aspects of your life that some may view as private and personal, then you must be sharing everything. Many YouTubers regularly point out that their vlogs are edited and a twenty four hour day is often condensed in under twenty minutes, never mind that they rarely vlog whilst having a bad day.
I think that perhaps discussing my mental health, the abuse I've suffered and feeling suicidal, makes me more vulnerable to this. But the amount of important things going on in my life that I can't discuss is probably unbelievable to readers. And one reason that I never discuss one aspect is that the person involved wants to maintain their privacy. And I respect that. Because I believe it is an individual preference.
Finally, a lot of people are arguing that the two never complain about the money they make but neither do the footballers who are paid ridiculous amounts per match. At the end of the day, no matter how 'perfect' you may deem someone's life to be, they will always have something that they aren't happy with in their life.
No matter tear what your occupation, everyone deserves privacy and to feel safe in their own home.