I don't have a lot to say but I thought I'd best write a quick blog about today with it being my first psychotherapy session and all. It started off a bit rocky; I hate when psychologists (and even psychotherapists) guess your emotions and when you doubt them, tell you that that is most definitely how you are feeling, even if you didn't know it yourself. He told me I was anxious and I rejected the comment, so he told me that anxiety is often an emotion you feel when you're blocking out other feelings. So I agreed, partly because it seemed the best way out of a sticky situation, but also partly because he's the professional so he must know what he's talking about and I was a BIT nervous! But his comment made me notice that my legs were jumping around and I was wringing my hands. As we talked, I stopped doing that and he commented saying he felt more comfortable around me now and that I must too as my legs were no longer jumping up and down!
I ended up telling him pretty much my whole story because I didn't want him to think I wasn't trying and he'd said at the beginning that this session would determine whether or not he could help me so I was eager to prove I'm able to recover and that I want to. He said right at the beginning too, that he knew nothing about me, and at first I thought this was bullshit and that he must've read my notes but he has this strange air about him that makes me think only good of him (he did mention he had previously been a hypno-therapist so I'll have to watch out for him hypnotising me). It felt good to know I was a blank canvas and that he would have no pre-conceived ideas of me after only reading about me (even mental health professionals make assumptions). He let me ask him questions too so I asked when he started working in mental health and in return got his entire CV, and then I asked how long it would take (the therapy) and he said it depended what I wanted from it, and that if I wanted to cut my overdosing in half then that would take less time than if I want to never take one again. I never want to take one again.
It feels like I'm finally, beginning to make dents in things now and that I'm one step closer to being discharged so that now, I feel confident enough in asking for a discharge date at my CPA at the end of the month (Care Programme Approach). Bring on my future!!!
