THREE REASONS WHY WE SHOULD ALL KEEP GOING | TW: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE

We are search lights, we can see in the dark

We are rockets, pointed up at the stars

We are billions of beautiful heats

- P!NK - What About Us

For obvious (I think) reasons, there have been times in my relapse where I’ve felt reluctant to go on with life and have become determined to end it. And yes, sometimes; I’ve tried to. More recently (like literally the last four days) I’ve begun to see some changes in my mental health from the medication getting back in my system and one of these has been finding – and then clinging onto – all the reasons why I shouldn’t die. All the reasons I deserve life. Deserve my recovery.

And now that I’ve learnt these three important reasons, I thought it was time to share them with all my lovely readers in the hope that it inspires others to find their own reasons. Their own rationale to fight back against all of those feelings of depression and all of those suicidal thoughts…

THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT TAKING ON TOO MUCH | FUTURE LEARN | AD

Recently, during my relapse, I’ve found that a lot of professionals and those who care about me (mainly my Mum) have talked to me about how much I take on in life.

They have helped me to realize that before the relapse, I was doing a lot of different things at once; from courses with Future Learn, to the problems of others, to projects with different organizations.

EDUCATION

There’re so many courses on Future Learn that I’d like to do at the moment, but I’ve learnt to do one at a time and to add the rest to my ‘Wishlist’ on the site. Now, I’m doing ‘Beyond Diagnosis:Is Psychiatric Diagnosis Helpful?’ which is a module facilitated by the University of Liverpool so it’s degree level learning. Considering the highest level, I’ve ever done was my A Levels in 2009…

24HRS WITH... MY AUNT: ANGELA WILSON

24 hours with... ANGELA WILSON – HR/CONTRACTS MANAGER

Date: 08/10/18

Why have you chosen to write about today? Why Not LOL

Good morning! 


What time did you wake up?

I was woken up at 3.00am by my Husband, then again at 5.45 am 


Why did you wake up at that time?

Alarm 

WHY APOLOGIZING IS SO ESSENTIAL IN MENTAL HEALTH

Like many things in mental health, there’s always a backstory to a person’s response to something. My appreciation of apologies is no exception…

“There’s nothing I can do but apologise.”

I was told by the Psychiatric Liaison Team that I’d be having a Mental Health Act assessment and when a Psychiatrist eventually showed up it was to tell me I could go home.

Being told you’re having a Mental Health Act assessment is – for me, at least – one of the worst things you can hear where your mental health is concerned. I think that if the Northumbria Police officers hadn’t been so supportive at that time, I would’ve completely ‘gone off on one’ and fought against this happening with all my being.

THREE REASONS THAT MAKE ME REGRET SELF-HARMING

In my relapse these past few months, there’s been a lot of self-harm – whether that be through cutting or overdosing – and after my most recent overdose I came to the realization that I often regret self-harming but I rarely regret not doing it. If that makes sense.

My self-harm almost always comes as a result of the voices I hear telling me to do it but occasionally it’s from memories and thoughts about the trauma I went through when I was younger. If I manage to use my DBT skills, call the Crisis Team, or take Diazepam (and it work) then I never wake up the next day thinking ‘God I wish I’d cut last night!’ Admittedly, though, if I wake up the next day and the voices and memories are still there then I often think ‘let’s just do it!’

But then I do – I cut, or I take an overdose and I go through all of the consequences that brings and there are sometimes when those consequences seem worse than if I’d just tolerated the voices a little longer or called the Crisis Team one more time.

My hope is that this post will inspire others to come up with their own list of things that make them regret self-harming to help motivate them to stay safe and to use their own coping skills more.