Thursday, 18 April 2019

TWELVE THOUGHTS FOR TWELVE YEARS SINCE THE ABUSE ‘ENDED’

When I say ‘ended’, I mean that the physical side of the abuse finished because it’s so important to recognize that there never really is an end to abuse. I don’t say this in a hopeless way; but more as an acknowledgement that the memories, the thoughts, the feelings; they don’t just ‘end.’ 
Note: why am I not posting this on the actual anniversary? Because I'll be too busy having fun with my best-friend! 


1.        I’ll never forget the day I really first reported it
This is something that you may think I’ve spoken about but actually, I’ve only ever talked about my reporting the abuse to professionals and the Police. The reason I haven’t been able to talk about the first reporting is that it’s been hard to find a way to see it in a way that doesn’t reveal who my abuser was because - for legal reasons - I can’t do that. So basically, the first time I ever told someone what was happening to me happened after a huge argument with my abuser and something in me snapped and I thought ‘this is never going to end if I don’t do something about it.’ So, I told my abuser’s ‘boss.’ I was called a manipulative liar and it, obviously, left me completely convinced that I could never tell another person. 


2.       I can still feel unconditional love

I always thought, going through what I had, and dealing with it by dissociating, meant that I’d always stay cut off from the world. I – and others – put a lot of trust in my abuser and I actually relied on him at some point before it began so I worried that I’d never trust in another person again. That I’d never feel another feeling towards someone because I’d be forever scared that someone would destroy me the way that he had. It did take a long time to get to where I am today in terms of relationships but going into recovery helped me to appreciate all of the people who had been there for me through the hard days and in stabilizing my mental health, I’ve learnt how to build stable and healthy relationships.

Wednesday, 17 April 2019

VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH MARIA HARRISON | WILLOWS CAT ADOPTION CENTRE COLLABORATION



When I lost Dolly, I was so completely grateful for Pixie, but it just wasn’t the same. My house wasn’t a home without a cat. So about six months ago my Mum called me and told me she’d found a kitten at an adoption center in South Shields, she sent me a photo on Facebook Messenger and I said, “I want her!” On my next support session with Richmond Fellowship, my Support Worker, my Mum and I went to Willows Cat Adoption Centre and I met Emmy (named Jennifer at the Centre). I think that the first thing you see when you look at Emmy is her markings; that little ginger stripe down her nose! I fell in love and before I knew it, she was in the pink pet carrier on my knee coming home!!


So when I saw that the owner of Willows was celebrating her 50th year rescuing animals, I jumped at the chance to collaborate on a little project with them!




Monday, 15 April 2019

A COLLABORATION WITH WILLOWS CAT ADOPTION CENTRE | MARIA HARRISON - 50YRS RESCUING ANIMALS!


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“I don’t think there’s anything in the world more wonderful than the relationship between yourself and your pet”

-          Maria Harrison



























When I lost Dolly, I was so completely grateful for Pixie, but it just wasn’t the same. My house wasn’t a home without a cat. So about six months ago my Mum called me and told me she’d found a kitten at an adoption center in South Shields, she sent me a photo on Facebook Messenger and I said, “I want her!” On my next support session with Richmond Fellowship, my Support Worker, my Mum and I went to Willows Cat Adoption Centre and I met Emmy (named Jennifer at the Centre). I think that the first thing you see when you look at Emmy is her markings; that little ginger stripe down her nose! I fell in love and before I knew it, she was in the pink pet carrier on my knee coming home!!


So when I saw that the owner of Willows was celebrating her 50th year rescuing animals, I jumped at the chance to collaborate on a little project with them!



MARIA'S TOP FIVE TIPS TO LOOKING AFTER A CAT

1.      Flea, worm, neuter, spay

2.      “Consider your cat in everything you do”

3.      Don’t overpopulate your house with pets

4.      Feed your cat well

5.      Make arrangements for worst-case scenarios 

Saturday, 13 April 2019

THE REALITY OF LIVING WITH SELF-HARM SCARS | TW



Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!
P!NK - Perfect

So, I’ve just a little day trip to London for a meeting with the Richmond Fellowship Working Together Committee and my outfit has included a really oversized t-shirt and I’ve struggled to find a jacket/cardigan to fit over it PLUS it’s been really sunny today! So, my scarred arms have been on show for all the world to see.

When I left my house this morning I didn’t think much of it until I was talking with my taxi driver (just like I usually do!) and he said that he was feeling down because of working so much then he said - in a careless manner and with a nod at my self-harm scars – “I mean, you understand. You’ve obviously got mental health problems too.” I think that at first, I was a little taken aback by the… I don’t know… lack of tact? But then I realized that he was just calling it how he saw it. He probably could’ve phrased it a bit better but then he might have assumed that if I was open enough about my mental health to have my scars on show, then perhaps I didn’t mind someone being blunt and forward about it. 

Tuesday, 9 April 2019

HALF A MILLION READERS!!! | LESSONS LEARNT, ADVICE & MORE!






To those who’d ground me,
Take a message back from me,
Tell them how I’m
Defying gravity
Wicked – Defying Gravity

HOW IT ALL STARTED:

There’s a lot of things that happened whilst I was poorly that I don’t remember so I’m massively grateful that even though I was in Hospital (Cygnet Hospital Bierley), I can still remember the beginning of I’m NOT Disordered. I’d just had a 1:1 session with my Named Nurse and we’d decided that I’d begin writing about my trauma every night and agreed on a plan for staff to support me whilst I did so. When I walked back into my hospital room and saw my laptop lying on the bed (we were only allowed them on an evening/night) I just seemed to automatically open it up and start typing. Even though I was writing for myself, I think that I always knew it was destined to be read by others. Granted those ‘others’ didn’t include half a million people but the decision to post the link for my first blog post on my Facebook page wasn’t something I debated.