Monday, 18 November 2019


Even with the startling statistic that one in four people in the UK will experience mental ill health at some point in their lives, the chance that someone will be in a psychiatric hospital at Christmas, is minimal and I’d like to think that my blog is largely about providing insight into aspects of mental health that lots of people might not really comprehend. I hope that in doing so, it will help people to be a lot more understanding for those of us who do have these experiences. So, I thought it might be interesting to give readers an insight into what it’s actually like to spend Christmastime in a psychiatric hospital…

For new readers and to give a bit of background… 

Two years after being abused from 2006 until 2007, I began hallucinating and within ten days I became suicidal and took an overdose. I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and spent the following three years in and out of hospitals – both medical and psychiatric. Finally, a Psychiatrist recommended that I be admitted to a long-term, specialist hospital and I began undergoing assessments with some such hospitals. The first two hospitals weren’t secure and wouldn’t accept my flight risk but when I heard that the third operated on timetabled day with intensive therapy, I refused to go. Then, in July 2012, I attempted suicide again and refused to have the lifesaving antidote to the overdose I’d taken so I was detained under the Mental Capacity Act and sedated to be put on life support for the duration of the treatment. When I woke up, the first thing I was told was that I’d be going to the psychiatric hospital I’d refused to go to, over 100 miles from home.

When I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act (1983) within twenty-four hours of being in the hospital, I realized that there was little chance of me being discharged before Christmas. Then, in November 2012, when I was recovering from an overdose I’d taken after going AWOL, I realized that there was equally as little chance of me managing to kill myself before Christmas too. So, I began preparing for my first Christmas away from home.

Thursday, 14 November 2019


This post is in collaboration with my ultimate favourite shop for goodies – Pets At Home!

My Mum did a Christmas Wishlist first (which you can read here) and then my bunny sister Pixie (who’s from Pets At Home) wrote her Wishlist (which you can read here); and now it’s my turn! And because this is a special post with Pets At Home, I’ve wrote down all of my reasons for wanting these special, Christmassy items in the hope that someone will buy them all for me!

Also, wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone at Willows Cat Adoption Centre; who are the reason I’m able to celebrate Christmas this year after saving my life from being found wandering the streets at only a few weeks old!

Mum says this present is too big for Santa’s sleigh and that I don’t need it because I have a scratch post that isn’t very old but I told her that this is a WISHlist and that means I can put all of the items I could only wish for! The gifts I dream about finding under our 6ft Christmas tree that I constantly attempt to dismantle!

Climb & Perch Cat Scratch Post £75

Monday, 11 November 2019


“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it?”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Have you ever seen the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them movie? It’s basically a spin-off to the Harry Potter series and in it, there’s this thing called an Obscurus which is the manifestation of violent, destructive energy from when a young Witch or Wizard has to repress their magic ability. That’s how I’d describe the anger I was left with as a result of the abuse because I repressed it for a while and so it eventually erupted into this powerful, detrimental, life-changing fury.

The first anger I experienced from the abuse wasn’t the first one that I reacted to. That sounds complicated… The first source of my anger that I actually responded to, was the anger against others; particularly, against my abuser’s colleagues. They were the people who saw myself and my abuser together the most and yet they didn’t stop the abuse. During the abuse, part of me thought ‘how the hell do they not realize what he’s doing?’ and the other part hoped they’d never find out. These two contradictions led to a lot of confusion for me and I struggled to accept that I was ‘allowed’ to be angry with these people. I wondered if I had no right to because I was doing all in my power to ensure they didn’t find out what was happening to me so how could I be so put out when they didn’t stop it?