A million dreams are keeping me awake,
I think of what the world could be,
A vision of the one I see,
A million dreams is all its gonna take,
A Million Dreams – The Greatest Showman
So, a while ago, I changed the headers on my Twitter and Facebook profiles to the new front cover of my upcoming book; Everything Disordered. I had decided not to make a huge fuss of it because I’d already done that with the first cover for the original idea for the book. However, I’ve just gone through the process of designing the entire cover (front, back, and spine) for the new version and I thought that this, was worth a bit of fuss!
HOW IT ALL STARTED
Last year, I made the very spontaneous decision to write a book… I say ‘spontaneous,’ but writing my own book has been a dream since I was little, when I first began writing short stories about horses for my Mum and my Nana!
I remember filling notebooks and diaries until I found myself, aged fifteen, writing – in abbreviations – about the abuse. I didn’t even give writing a chance to be therapeutic; I just saw it as a colossal risk. It was a chance that someone could read it. Someone could find out what was happening to me. They could find out in a way that wasn’t under my control. A messy, emotional, way. For so many reasons, I had – on numerous occasions – come to the decision that I couldn’t report the abuse just yet. So, the writing stopped; and for the following two years I turned my attention to self-damaging behaviours. I spent years hurting myself in so many different ways that my attention was so consumed, I almost didn’t miss writing at all.