"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO GRIEVE" | WHY THE 'FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF' DON'T MEAN A THING

IN MEMORY OF DOLLY I'VE SET UP A JUSTGIVING PAGE TO RAISE MONEY FOR HER VETS BILLS. IF YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING AT ALL IT WOULD BE HUGELY AMAZING!

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/dollywilson

So once upon a time, there was this fantastically clever lady called Elisabeth Kugler Ross who came up with a theory. She thought that there are five stages of grief that a person can experience.

As you’ll know – if you read one of my most recent posts – I recently lost my four-year-old cat (Dolly). Some of you might read this and think “oh my God it’s just a cat. She’s grieving over a cat?!” but I’d like you to continue reading and see if you feel the same by the end.

MY LIFE IN LYRICS

MY CHILDHOOD:

‘Can't nuthin', bring me down (happy)
I said, let me tell you now, unh (happy)
Bring me down, can't nuthin', bring me down (happy, happy, happy)
My level is too high to bring me down (happy, happy, happy)
Can't nuthin' bring me down (happy, happy, happy)
I said

Because I'm happy’

-       Pharrell Williams - Happy

THE IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH OF THE ABUSE:

TODAY I LOST A BESTFRIEND | REST IN PEACE DOLLY 12.10.2014 - 16.10.2018

I’m so sorry to have to tell you all this but today (16.10.2018) my cat, Dolly was put to sleep.

Last Monday (07.10.2018) Dolly got poorly so I took her to the Vets and she was put on an IV drip of fluids to help ‘flush her system out’ after blood tests showed that her kidneys weren’t working properly.

She came home Friday but on Saturday she had four episodes of diarrhea and two of vomiting, so I took her back in and initially the Vet said they could send her home with some medication for the nausea and vomiting but my Mum suggested we do a blood test to put my mind at ease. Even the Vet was surprised with the results; her kidney function was really bad and so she admitted again for a weekend of fluids and the plan to do a repeated blood test on Monday (15.10.2018). Again, the Vets were surprised to find that her kidneys had worsened. They told me that she could come home, and I remember asking “are you sending her home to die?”

THREE REASONS WHY WE SHOULD ALL KEEP GOING | TW: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE

We are search lights, we can see in the dark

We are rockets, pointed up at the stars

We are billions of beautiful heats

- P!NK - What About Us

For obvious (I think) reasons, there have been times in my relapse where I’ve felt reluctant to go on with life and have become determined to end it. And yes, sometimes; I’ve tried to. More recently (like literally the last four days) I’ve begun to see some changes in my mental health from the medication getting back in my system and one of these has been finding – and then clinging onto – all the reasons why I shouldn’t die. All the reasons I deserve life. Deserve my recovery.

And now that I’ve learnt these three important reasons, I thought it was time to share them with all my lovely readers in the hope that it inspires others to find their own reasons. Their own rationale to fight back against all of those feelings of depression and all of those suicidal thoughts…

THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT TAKING ON TOO MUCH | FUTURE LEARN | AD

Recently, during my relapse, I’ve found that a lot of professionals and those who care about me (mainly my Mum) have talked to me about how much I take on in life.

They have helped me to realize that before the relapse, I was doing a lot of different things at once; from courses with Future Learn, to the problems of others, to projects with different organizations.

EDUCATION

There’re so many courses on Future Learn that I’d like to do at the moment, but I’ve learnt to do one at a time and to add the rest to my ‘Wishlist’ on the site. Now, I’m doing ‘Beyond Diagnosis:Is Psychiatric Diagnosis Helpful?’ which is a module facilitated by the University of Liverpool so it’s degree level learning. Considering the highest level, I’ve ever done was my A Levels in 2009…