Friday, 23 August 2013

I Handed In My Sharps!!!

At teatime, I was sat in with two other girls when another walked in and we spotted she had blood on the back of her t-shirt. One of the girls asked if she knew and she said 'yeah,' then another girl and I said it was triggering us so I asked the girl to change her top and she just said that was 'going to.' I ended up crying because the main reason I used to cut was to see the blood so one of the girls took me out of the Dining room and another got the Nurse and she took me to the Quiet Room. I told her what'd happened and she said the staff had asked her half an hour ago to change her top too. While I was crying, I asked if I was ever going to stop wanting to hurt myself and the Nurse explained that sometimes staff just got a 'feeling' that a patient was going to get out of here and be successful and that she had that feeling with me. I don't know what, but something clicked and I suddenly realised that if I really want my future and if I want my life the way I think I want it then I'm going to have to work for it and it isn't going to be easy. "I'm going to do something and I might regret it sometimes but... I want to give you what I have in my room." I led the Nurse to my bedroom and took my little sharp pieces of broken cup from their hiding place. I thought that once I'd handed them over I would be begging for them back but it was actually a relief. It used to be a comfort knowing something was there if I needed it but now it's a comfort to know that no matter how bad things get I will get through them without jeopardizing everything I've worked so hard to earn.