Happy First Birthday, I'm NOT disordered
Monday 6 January 2014
Today, the blog is a year old! And what a year it's been! To celebrate I wrote this special post...
The good, the bad and the ugly - highlights of the past year:
The beginning of the Blog and my nerves at it being a failure.
Agreeing to begin writing about my 'trauma' and my worries that I'd be let down by staff.
Young girls everywhere began self-harming because Justin Bieber was pictured taking drugs. I ranted about this.
Doing my first imagery exercise in Psychology.
I was unsuccessful at my tribunal.
I learnt that Anger Management makes me more angry.
My little hamster; Butter died.
I celebrated my 22nd Birthday with a party on the ward and a trip North to see my Mum.
I learnt some more DBT because you can never have too many skills!
I got my unescorted ground leave back and my Named Nurse wasn't too pleased!
My bunny was 'bunny-napped' by the staff and I staged a rescue mission!
I went blonde.
My Named Nurse and I spent hours slaving over my Care Plans.
I went AWOL and took an overdose
I wrote my first book review.
Our Ward Manager left.
I first started referring to Chelsea as my 'best-friend' in posts :)
The Ward Doctor explained how my hallucinations are a result of the 'trauma.'
It was the 3year anniversary of my friend's death and the Ward Manager recommended I shed some tears over it!
I met the Hospital Manager's dog.
It was the first anniversary of my Nana's death.
I began to self-harm on impulse; I needed steri-strips.
Time to Change tweeted about the blog.
I posted the picture of myself on a ventilator in ICU on the anniversary of the 'end' of my 'trauma' to show how far I've come since then.
I ranted about stigma.
The OT team discussed with me that I subconsciously ruin the opportunities that come my way.
Twice I reported suicidal feelings to staff to have my leave removed so that I couldn't do anything.
I gave a speech about the weight gain side-effects to meds.
I begun Psychotherapy; though it didn't last long.
I had my first drop-off Home Leave.
I learnt more about my self-harming through self-harm management group.
I attempted to go AWOL to overdose but the staff went to unimaginable lengths to have the taxi driver bring me back.
I gained a better understanding of the affect my lying to be able to run was having on staff.
Chelsea bought our customized best-friend bracelets.
I pondered on the topic of rabbits; my visual hallucinations.
I reported the entirety of my 'trauma' to the Police.
The other person involved in my 'trauma' claimed to be innocent.
I had my first Home Leave where I didn't need my PRN medication.
I had a medical Hospital admission that resulted in me being put on 5minute obs.
I began 'exhibiting eating disorder behaviours.'
I developed another auditory hallucination.
I had my first tactile hallucination.
I began my anti-depressant.
I honoured the one year anniversary of my admission to this Hospital with a post of all the improvements I've noticed in myself.
I went on my first therapy trip!
Our Charge Nurse who'd stepped up as Ward Manager announced he would be moving wards.
I experienced my first flashback.
For the second time, I didn't need PRN medication on a Home Leave.
I had a rant about hateful tweets I'd received.
I went on the therapy trip to Flamingo Land.
I had a cystoscopy.
I had my first overnight Home Leave.
I had a few episodes of sleep-walking.
I started on a beta-blocker after my Pulse was peeking to 153.
Two of my favourite staff began a relationship which meant one had to be moved wards.
I had a rant about the 'mental patient' Halloween costumes.
I played a prank on all of the staff by changing the names on the doors around the ward.
I was accused of being a bully.
I had a rant about our GP system.
I celebrated World Mental Health Day with a post comparing the 'normal' and the 'abnormal' things about me and my life.
I posted a diary I'd kept whilst debating to overdose.
I took the overdose and was put on a ventilator in ICU and then I had to go onto the Psychiatric ICU when I got back to this Hospital.
I had a conversation with myself about being institutionalized.
I went to a 'rare breeds' farm on a therapy trip.
I had a blog published for Time to Change: http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/bpd-diagnosis-does-not-stop-me-being-human
I took the time to remember my Nana and all of the memories we shared throughout my childhood.
I interviewed for a Visual Merchandising position at Primark.
I shared my thoughts on the bonds with the other girls on the ward.
My best-friend left the ward to go to another Hospital.
I had my first Home Leave since the overdose.
I used 'flooding' techniques to make a triggering song, boring.
I used my 'boggart' skills that I learnt in Harry Potter to defy the rabbits.
I made the Activities Co-Ordinator cry as she worried I was planning another overdose.
My Mum and I cried down the phone about my improvements and recovery.
I got advice on my recurring dream.
I had my first overnight drop-off Home Leave and it was amazing.
I had a very successful first and second session of Psychology.
I gave up my folder of goodbye letters etc to the staff.
I made some massive improvements through the Recovery Star.
I got the Christmas home leave I wanted (23rd-27th).
Award for most popular review:
http://imnotdisordered.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/tv-review-dont-call-me-crazy.html (with 326 views)
Award for most popular personal post:
http://imnotdisordered.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/im-not-having-blood-on-my-hands.html (with 192 views)
And finally, in true Awards style; I'd like to say some thank-yous. To my Mum; for her eternal and unwavering support throughout this entire thing and for her love; which I would be lost without. To the rest of my family for taking the time to read this and gain a better understanding of what my Mum and I have been going through for years. To Chelsea; my beautiful best-friend who's HTML skills have made the blog just as stunning as she is and also, her support and love which has resulted in her being just as excited as me when watching the page views rise. To the staff of my Hospital, thank you for providing the content for my rants and laughs! And finally, to all other readers; you have no idea how much your support means to me and how honoured I am every time my views go up... Even by one. Let's see what we can do in the space of another year...