“There is immense power when a group of people with similar
interests gets together to work toward the same goals”
Idowu Koyenikan
Welcome to
day four of Mental Health Awareness Week, today I’m collaborating with St
Oswald’s Hospice to bring you this piece about how colleagues and working as a
team can help with thoughts and feelings of loneliness…
My first real ‘job’ was with a huge high-street retail store and
in all honesty, it was a really bad first impression of working life (hence why
I’m not naming them!). I originally started as Christmas temporary staff but
was kept on when the season ended and in deciding to renew my contract, they
decided to train me to do a specific role in the store. It was a role where –
on a good day – it would take three staff to maintain it… But most days weren’t
‘good’ and I was often left to man the position alone. So that it was just me
doing the job of three.
The other challenge I experienced in the role, was that all the staff on the tills had a bell where you could ring a specific number of times and it would signal something different to the rest of the staff. The third option for the number of rings would signal the security guards and the ability to do this was something I didn’t have because there was no bell at the place, I worked in. This obviously wouldn’t have bothered me if I didn’t think I needed it anyway; but I did. I mean, the number of complaining and abusive customers I got… Well, I would have felt a whole lot more reassured and comfortable if I’d been able to call for help!
With those things in mind, I suppose it was no real surprise that my
mental health began to really deteriorate whilst working there, and I started experiencing
auditory hallucinations literally as I was finishing one of my shifts. I mean,
I know that my antipsychotic medication means there is some kind of imbalance,
but I do think that stress can worsen my symptoms. And there’s no denying the
fact that I was definitely stressed in that job!
After quitting my job, I spent the following thirteen years out of
paid employment. Whilst I did so purely because my mental health was so poorly that
I couldn’t commit to shifts and keep myself safe enough to not need time off; I
still wanted to be working. My Mum has always worked so I think I was raised
with a really good role model (in more ways than this) to have a good work
ethic. So, I’ve always believed that if there was hope for recovery, then as
soon as I was well enough, I’d want to be working. And that’s why whenever I
did have a stable period with my mental health, I took on voluntary jobs
(mostly working in charity shops) but, of course, nothing lasted – neither the
jobs nor my stability.
So, when I was in the specialist psychiatric hospital for two and
a half years, a few opportunities came up to do some sort of employment or
voluntary work and the Activity Coordinators said they’d noticed that when it
came close to me starting one of these jobs, I would have an excuse not to go ahead.
So, we did some work around that, and I learnt that my reason for this was that
I was so terrified of commitment at that point in my mental health journey.
I think the largest motivation for this fear was that I was very passionate
about people making commitments and them actually following it through. I mean,
it was very common in mental health services for a professional to say one
thing and then something completely different would happen. It meant a lot of
disappointment, a lot of feelings of betrayal and dishonesty, a lot of
frustration, and a huge loss of respect. And I think that experiencing all of
that, time and time again; really influenced my thoughts and feelings around commitment
and the importance of keeping your word. So, it’s something that I take very
seriously.
I learnt a lot more about it when I created, I’m NOT Disordered
though. In the beginning, since I intended my content for friends and family, I
didn’t feel that there was any sort of responsibility or commitment… To be fair,
I think a lot of people thought my blog wouldn’t last as long – or at least
that it would be closed down when I left the specialist psychiatric hospital. So,
when the reader count started to take off and more and more people from all over
the world were beginning to read my posts, I found myself a little bit… thrown,
maybe? I mean, I hadn’t imagined that ever happening, so I wasn’t prepared for it,
and I felt like I hadn’t committed for something like this to happen and so I
wondered if that meant I had the right to decide whether or not to continue.
Of course, I decided to carry on and my blog gradually became so
huge that it has meant it really feels like a career, and that’s taught me so
much more about the importance of commitment where a job or career is
concerned. There have been a few instances where I’ve had to go back on commitments
where my blog is concerned, and whilst I’ve always had (at least in my opinion)
a really good reason to do so, I’ve always felt pretty terrible when it’s
happened. Which is probably mostly because I know how it feels to be on the
other end of the let-down and disappointment.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when I found myself more capable
to make commitments around collaborating with others on content for my blog and
attending events; I was also stable enough to be discharged from the specialist
psychiatric hospital. Whilst I was deemed as being in ‘recovery’ I have
definitely learnt that ‘recovery’ isn’t linear. It’s not like once you’re in it
then that’s it; you’re better! Which meant that I was still unable to hold down
a paid position, and so I focused a lot on bettering my blog and I put all of
my energy and effort into securing collaborations, attending conferences, and
speaking at events. Regardless of the fact that my mental health and safety waivered,
I still felt a sense of productivity and had a real thirst for achievement and accomplishment.
I couldn’t just sit on my butt at home watching TV.
So, in 2019, I spotted a voluntary position as a Digital Volunteer
for St Oswald’s Hospice and after an informal interview with two of their
Communications team, I started working with them. It suited me really well
because whilst the Hospice find structured shifts helpful, there was no real strict structure of my voluntary and it meant I felt able
to speak up if my mental health really needed me to take time for myself and to
do something different. So that was good for the commitment side of things; and
in all honesty, with my mental health deteriorating so immediately in line with
my job at the high street store all those years ago, I really only focused on
the negatives that I felt were stopping me from battling my mental health to
maintain employment (the instability and commitment!). When, in fact, I hadn’t put
much thought into the challenges I’d actually faced whilst in that position,
particularly in the lack of support from colleagues.
You know what they say about not knowing what you had until it’s
gone? Well, this was the opposite. I didn’t know what I hadn’t had, until I had
it! I didn’t know I had been deprived of experiencing the joys of teamwork and
the notion of being able to lean on colleagues for advice, support, opinions
etc, until I worked with the incredible St Oswald’s Hospice Communications
team. I mean, even from before having my interview – when they asked whether it
would be ok for them to read my blog before they met me – I felt respected and
supported.
The second evidence of the team having these qualities was in the
fact that I felt instantly appreciated in my voluntary role. Now, my other
voluntary roles over the years were also for charities and I can’t remember
experiencing any sort of regard or respect quite like what I was immediately shown
from the Communications staff. I think it’s quite common in the working world
to see volunteers as ‘beneath’ paid members of staff, and even just from my first
training sessions, I saw that the Hospice greatly recognise that it wouldn’t be
all that it is if it weren’t for their volunteers. And I have so much
admiration for the organisation in doing this.
During those early volunteer days, I also felt a sense of
belonging with the team, the other staff were so open and helpful that it felt
as though I could so easily build some sort of bond with each of them. That
notion of finding your place in the world, is something I have struggled with
so much in my mental health journey, and I think that being unable to work played
a bigger part in it than I realised at the time. I had grown to believe that I
had no real purpose – or at least that it wasn’t a positive one! But then I’m
NOT Disordered started to grow and develop and I found myself feeling as though
there was a reason why my suicide attempts had been ‘unsuccessful.’ I had a
reason to stay alive and to fight for my safety and wellbeing. So, joining St
Oswald’s Hospice was kind of like an addition to that feeling, in that by working with
the Communications team, I felt as though it really illustrated that my
blogging has happened for a reason. Without everything I’ve learnt about the
digital world through my blog, I wouldn’t have known that I wanted to work in Communications,
and I wouldn’t have had the foundational knowledge and understanding for them
to build upon.
After two years with the team and completing a whole bunch of tasks that varied from researching all of the contact details for the Hospice’s local GP surgeries to putting together a PowerPoint that would feature on all the TV screens dotted around the Hospice, the Communications team asked if I would be interested in a paid position with the Volunteer Department that they thought I might enjoy. The role was as Kickstart Project Coordinator and involved managing the entire process of the government funded scheme that allowed young people (16 – 25) the opportunity to work at the Hospice in a variety of different roles. Since I was already a volunteer, the recruitment process was slightly easier. I wrote my letter of application, was offered an interview and later, the job!
With Kickstart being a fairly new scheme in the working world and
the position being completely new to St Oswald’s Hospice, there was a lot of uncertainty
in defining my duties and responsibilities. It was a huge learning curve and
whilst I obviously appreciated the opportunity, it really taught me that my
heart lay in Communications. However, something that – I felt – was one of the
most important lessons I learnt from the role, was that even in a completely
different department within the charity, the staff were supportive, helpful,
and passionate. It was really lovely to see the continuity in attitude and
behaviour because that consistency was definitely something that I’d found to
be missing in mental health services, which meant I appreciated people and
organisations who had this quality so much more.
When my contract with the Kickstart position ended, I didn’t even
consider the possibility of looking for another paid role elsewhere, I knew the
right thing was to go back to Communications as a volunteer. Even though it was
obviously a big financial loss; since starting to blog, I’ve learnt that I’d so
much rather spend my time doing something I enjoy – even if there aren’t many material
‘gains’ from doing so – than doing something I’m not passionate about and that
I don’t enjoy but gain freebies or money etc from it. And I think a lot of that
positivity and desire to enjoy what I’m doing comes from no longer being
suicidal and having a real gratitude and appreciation for my time and what I do
with it.
Not long after the Kickstart job, the Communications team managed
to secure funding and offered me a temporary, paid contract as Communications
and Marketing Assistant. The largest benefit of this, for me, was being able to
have more responsibility and undertake different tasks. Going through a mental
illness, and especially if it’s as overwhelming and dangerous as mine was, it
seems incredibly easy and often that you’ll find yourself experiencing some
sort of a loss in your responsibilities – no matter what the context!
Feeling as though people are either taking away your power and influence
and that their expectations of you are reducing because of your mental health,
can – on the one hand – be reassuring and supportive… But on the other hand,
they can be demeaning and patronising. I mean, from one perspective it can seem
that people are looking out for you and recognising and understanding any
limitations you may have because of your mental health. Then, in doing so, they’re
responding to this and taking the time to carefully consider how they can help
you with those difficulties. On the other side of this though, reducing what
you’re being trusted with can feel as though people are beginning to underestimate
your ability and, as a result, are having much lower expectations of you. This
notion can seem really insulting when you feel as though it’s unnecessary and not
at all deserved.
So, being trusted with more responsibilities from the
Communications team was really important to me and I felt honoured that they knew
they could rely on me to complete and succeed at doing some really big, essential
tasks. I felt that it was the perfect evidence that I was in recovery and that
I had come so far on my mental health journey. However, I also recognise that
no matter what ‘place’ I’m in with my mental health, being trusted and relied
upon can be completely dependent on the organisation and your colleagues. And so,
I fully appreciate St Oswald’s Communications team for seeing my strengths and
abilities, and for providing me with ample opportunities to prove myself worthy
of their trust.
THREE WAYS TO SUPPORT LONELY COLLEAGUES
Whether you have a new colleague or have known them for years, it’s so important to look out for each other and to treat your colleagues the way you would like them to treat, support, and help you. And with loneliness being a huge contributor to mental illness, it’s imperative that you ensure everyone is feeling equal and reassured that there’s always someone there for them. If you’ve not found yourself having to comfort someone feeling lonely, here are five tips to help…
JUST ASK IF
THEY’RE OK
The simple act of asking how a colleague is doing can be a real
motivation for them to feel comfortable and able to open up and just start
talking; because who knows where the conversation might go and how much it might
help.
A THOUGHTFUL GIFT
Colleague
Keyring: £6.99
Wine
Tumbler: £16.99
Mouse
Mat: £14.99
Inspirational
Cushion: £11.95
Hanging
Heart: £6.95
Black
Mug: £13.98
The
Little Jar of Calm: £12.99
Stress
Balls: £13.99
ENCOURAGE
SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP WHERE NECESSARY
It’s important that you’re mindful of your own limitations and
just how capable you are of helping someone who, you might feel, would benefit
more from professional help and support. So, encouraging a colleague to see
their GP or call a helpline etc can sometimes be the greatest way you can help.
St Oswald's Hospice
(facebook.com)
St Oswald’s Hospice (Twitter.com)