“She remembered who she was, and
the game changed.”
Lalah Deliah
*YOU CAN READ PART ONE HERE*
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THE TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE
FAMILY: GRACIE & RUBY
With my calico rescue cat, Emmy, being put to sleep in October 2022, we started off the year as a family of two with just Luna (my black and white mini-Lionhead lop eared bunny) and I. But when Emmy was put to sleep, I asked the Vet what the best thing would be for Luna and almost without seeming to take the time to think about it, she replied with “get her a friend.” As the weeks went by without Emmy though, I found myself enjoying building a better bond with Luna who had always just spent the majority of her time following Emmy around and had never really been affectionate with me. Without Emmy though, she was now following me around the home (my bunnies are free-roam) and was always stretching up on her back feet to nudge me for a stroke or a cuddle. Then she started taking the cat tunnel in her mouth and running with it in circles; myself and everyone else who either saw when they visited the house or watched my videos of her doing it, laughed and thought it was really cute. But actually; it turned out to have been a form of repetitive behaviour that illustrated boredom and loneliness.
So, in
January 2023, I decided to get another bunny (you can read more about adding
Gracie in the blog post about her here) because I
thought it would be easier to introduce two bunnies rather than trying to have a
kitten get to know Luna, and on getting Gracie and introducing the two of them
the same day, I was proven to be correct! They bonded almost instantly – I kind
of couldn’t believe it, to be honest! I mean, it wasn’t so much the actual
bond, just how intense and incredible it was! Like, they were cuddling up
together and Luna was washing Gracie within hours of meeting each other! I was
absolutely over the moon.
The only
difficulty though, after a few months with Gracie being part of the family, was
that she and Luna were always off in another room together and I was left sat
in the sitting room or bedroom by myself! It was tricky though, because I was
very obviously so happy for Luna that she had a little friend – actually, I’d
go so far as to say soul mate! – and she seemed to much more settled and
content in that she stopped her repetitive behaviour and no longer was always
seeming to be searching the entire house for Emmy. With Luna and Gracie forever
being together in a different room, I started feeling fairly lonely now and so,
I made the decision to get a new kitten, who I hoped would provide me with
love, attention, and company!
It actually
took me quite a while to find the right kitten (to be honest, this was mostly
due to the prices because all those with a fairly low cost weren’t long-haired
– which was something I really wanted in the kitten!). However, I finally
stumbled on a litter that were all too young leave their Mum yet, but Ruby
stood out to me because she had the most gorgeous eyes and she was the only
long-haired, silver kitten in a litter of all-black and shorthaired ones –
turns out, a cat can have one litter that actually has more than one Father in
it! So, we think that’s how Ruby came about!
Having paid
the deposit for her, the seller began sending me photos and videos regularly
until Ruby was old enough to leave her litter. The fact there were a few weeks
to go, also meant I had the opportunity to think up a collaboration with Cats
Protection and get their approval and agreement for it. With the decision that
it would be made into a short series of posts with one per week for the first
month of Ruby being home, I wanted to give the posts a name and so, inspired by
the hashtag the charity like to use (#HereForTheCats), we named the
collaboration #HereForTheKittens (you can read the intro to the series which
was posted on the day I brought Ruby home, here)!
Since getting
Ruby home, she has literally done and been everything I wanted in getting a new
kitten. I mean, all the way from cuddling in and sleeping with me at night to
playing fetch without teaching her to, in bringing toys to me to throw, getting
them, and bringing them back to me! One of the most important and helpful effects
she has had on me and my mental health though, has been that she’s really massively
added to the motivation to want to be at home. I obviously like my home and
love being around the bunnies because they never fail to make me smile or laugh,
but I didn’t feel a huge pull to being here. Like, if I had to stay in hospital
or even just spending the night at a friend’s, I wasn’t hugely missing being
home and being with Luna and Gracie, but it’s the complete opposite now I have
Ruby! Which really is a good thing for my mental health and safety levels because
it means I’m even more reluctant to do anything that will land me in A&E.
This
Christmas just gone, it made my heart so warm to see our four stockings full of
gifts and hanging from the mantel piece because it was a big reminder that I
have a larger team now – that I have two new additions to my support system!
MOST POPULAR BLOG POST OF 2023
FROM INTENSIVE CARE TO COLLABORATIONS | IN
COLLABORATION WITH NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE HOSPITALS NHS FOUNDATION TRUST TO MARK
THEIR BRAND-NEW MENTAL HEALTH STRATEGY
“To me, the model of success is not linear. Success is completing
the full circle of yourself”
Gloria Steinem
All the way back in April last year, I received an email
from Cumbria,
Northumberland, Tyne, and Wear NHS Foundation Trust’s (CNTW’s)
Involvement Bank with a request for those on the Bank (service users,
ex-service users, and carers) to help Newcastle
Hospitals with the creation and development of their new Mental Health
Strategy. Having had a number of experiences with one of the Trust’s sites (the Royal Victoria Infirmary aka the RVI) from a
patient point of view; I applied to be part of the project…
The attraction for me to this opportunity was mostly centred
around my previous, mental health related patient experiences with the Trust.
Well, one experience in particular…
In the summer of 2012, upon discharge from yet another psychiatric
hospital admission, a Psychiatrist made the recommendation that I be assessed
to go into a long-term hospital that specialised in my diagnosis of Borderline
Personality Disorder (BPD). After an assessment with the nearest of those
hospitals turned into a refusal to accept my ‘flight risk,’ I was assessed for
a psychiatric hospital 127 miles away from home. During the assessment though,
they told me the daily schedule of morning meetings, therapeutic groups,
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, trauma therapy, medication, reflection meetings,
bedtimes etc. and I was so resentful of everything that even though they
offered me a bed, I refused to go.
You can read the rest of this incredibly popular post here!
FEELING
LOVED AT I’M NOT DISORDERED’S 10TH BIRTHDAY PARTY
One huge
credit to my Mum is that for as long as I can remember, I have felt loved. And,
sadly, I recognise how lucky I am to be able to say that because there are so
many people in this world who don’t feel that way and are actively struggling
with their mental health and other aspects of their life due to thoughts and feelings
of being unloved and unwanted. I mean, I’ll tell my Mum thanks for all that
she’s done for me, and she used to just think that all parents are this way and
that her actions in saving my life and helping me through so many difficult moments
are the norm and really should be expected. But, having been in psychiatric
hospital a number of times – with the longest admission being two and a half
years – I’ve experienced a lot of instances and had many conversations that
have given me a lot of knowledge and insight into the relationships that other
mental health service users share with their parents and other family members. And
I have very obviously witnessed and heard of many instances where a mental health service user is
actually struggling in this way because of the lack of care, compassion,
kindness, and love that they experience with their family.
Having insight into the fact
that there are so many people going through mental difficulties and who are
really struggling to stay safe and they’re doing so, without the unconditional
love and support I believe and feel that I have from my Mum. Of course, on the
one hand this is incredible, and I feel truly honoured and privileged just to be
able to say it(!), but it can also often leave me feeling absolutely terrible that
my Mum shows all these positive and amazing qualities towards me, and what do I
give back? How do I thank her? By continuing to struggle and going on to
self-harm again? And that, very obviously isn’t how I want things to be, and
that fact then ends up providing me with motivation to try harder and to put
more effort, dedication, courage, and passion to get better, to work with
professionals to stabilise my mental health, to be rigorous in always taking my
medication, and to keep myself safe.
In addition to my Mum’s love and
support, another that I’m more than aware I have, is from my best-friends – and
most of them were actually at the 10th Birthday Party for I’m NOT
Disordered (which you can read about here). I’ve known two of my best
friends for over 15 years (Sophie and Lauren) and the other three have been in
my life for between/around 5 to 10 years (Martin, Georgie, and Jack).
I’ve always said that one
quality of my best friends which I really appreciate, is that they’re each so
massively different – in all kinds of ways! – that it means I feel that I gain
something different from each friendship.
Sophie: We have a really fun bond that
means we’ll sometimes touch on deep things, and she knows a lot about my mental
health (Sophie was actually the only friend who drove to see me whilst I was in
the psychiatric hospital over 100 miles away!), but we always make something
happy, fun, and positive out of things. One of my favourite memories with
Sophie was from like… 2011 maybe? And we were trying to do a BBQ and ended up
pouring wine on the burgers and being told we were being bad influences for her
younger sister! Things have changed so much – inevitably really after knowing
each other for so long – and now she’s married (to Craig who is the most
perfect other half for her and a total match with her bubbly personality) and
has a little girl – Freya – who is literally the epitome of an illustration of
just how thoughtful, kind, and funny Sophie is.
Lauren:
I went to the hospital in 2012, Lauren and I would see each other multiple
times per week; mostly for nights out to be honest! But also, for the odd
adventure or activity! We were so close we thought of each other’s families as
our second family and felt our homes belonged to both of us. But then I had to
go to the psychiatric hospital… Something I haven’t actually said before (not
even to Lauren!) is that I think it was so hard leaving her to go into the
hospital because our fun and exciting times together were proving to be a
really huge contributor to the fact, I wasn’t self-harming every single day. Like, knowing we had plans to meet up was
helpful in motivating me to stay safe, and having such lovely times with her,
was great in cheering me up when I was struggling. One element to our
friendship is that we don’t ever really talk about mental health, and I think
that because I have other best friends who I do talk to about it, not doing so
with Lauren isn’t any great issue! I actually really enjoy just sort of,
putting all of that to the back of my mind when I’m with her. Like Sophie,
Lauren also has a toddler now – Greylan – and she now lives in Coldstream with
him and her partner. When she moved it was kind of odd because it wasn’t as
though I was in her family home every day but I found that I liked knowing she
was just there… Lauren and I definitely don’t talk too often; we obviously like
and comment on each other’s content on social media, but what I love is that
when we do get together, it’s as though we were never apart. Everything is the
same.
Martin:
I think it’d be fair to say that Martin (of the mental health blog: www.gumonmyshoe.com) and I’s friendship is the most
balanced out of all of my best-friends because it’s very rare that something
happens – particularly something mental health related – that I either don’t
want to tell him or don’t feel that I can. We’ve also had so many very fun
adventures together! For this past year, my favourites were definitely our trip
to Alnwick Gardens in June (you can watch the reel for it here), and visiting the Whitley Bay
Christmas Market at the end of November (you can also see the reel for that here and the blog post detailing my
purchases and all the links for the sellers here). I think the most incredible –
to me, at least – quality to our friendship though, can sound a bit superficial;
so, stay with me whilst I explain, ok? It’s the fact that he’s a blogger too!
It kind of goes without saying that I’m NOT Disordered is one of the most
meaningful and important things in my life! And, having started blogging (in
2013) when the industry really wasn’t even an industry, and with the mindset
that I was only creating my blog to communicate with family and friends whilst
in the hospital miles away from them, I didn’t recognise that it might become
really helpful to have someone in my life who truly understood blogging. I
mean, I had no idea it would become so special to me, and to have Martin to
lean on when I need to throw some ideas around, to help me find – and provide
me with some himself – inspiration, or to turn to for advice; is hugely
relieving and comforting. Ironically, regardless of having over 1.2 million
readers, blogging can still be a lonely business, and not only does Martin
understands that, but he also actively helps to reduce that notion.
Georgie:
Unfortunately, Georgie wasn’t able to come to the party, but she’s more than
earnt a little bit about her on this post! Georgie and I actually met in a
very… unusual way, maybe? She was actually my Support Worker a good many years
ago and from the moment we met we kind of clicked and we would always say that
if we had met in different circumstances then we would’ve been friends. So,
when she left the organisation, it seemed almost natural that we keep in touch,
but to be honest, I didn’t imagine we’d become as close as we have. When you
think about it though – when you think about all the things we have in common
and the sarcastic and dark sense of humour we share – it actually sounds quite
obvious that we would be best-friends! Do you know what it makes me think of?
Automatic. Like, from the moment we met we were automatically going to be best
friends and it leaves me with this saying my Nana used to believe that
everything happens for a reason. The organisation Georgie worked for was
massive – tons of staff and tons of service users – so what were the actual
chances of us being allocated to each other?! It’s kind of like a sign! So, for
me, the most important part of our friendship is that… Well, in all things to
do with mental health; a very popular school of thought is that no one quite
knows what another person is thinking, feeling, experiencing… This is something
I’m a huge believer of and typically in complete agreement, but from the vast
number of conversations Georgie and I have had together about our mental
health, our thoughts, our feelings, our experiences? Well, I feel somewhat certain
– in both sad and in reassuring ways – that she truly ‘gets it.’ She’s ‘been
there.’ And it’s hard because on the one hand it almost physically hurts my
heart to know that someone, I love has even the remotest of understandings of the
thoughts, feelings, and experiences I’ve had. But, on the other hand, it’s
massively comforting and reassuring to know I’m not the only one going through
all of… this.
Jack:
Unfortunately I really can’t remember how Jack and I first met or got to know
each other; but it was obviously around 2015 because he wrote a guest post for
I’m NOT Disordered (which you can read here)! After that though, we really
didn’t keep in touch – I mean we were still listed as ‘friends’ on social media
and gave each other the odd ‘like’ on our posts, but we didn’t have any full-on
conversations or private messages. And then, I was invited to the Staff
Excellence Awards for my local mental health NHS Trust: Cumbria,
Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust in September 2022 (you can
read our event collaboration post here).
I was seated on the Governor’s table and Jack being a Governor and Corporate
Engagement Assistant, meant I was sat beside him and oh my goodness did we have
fun?! It was like we’d been best friends for years and years! We both have the
same sense of humour – sarcastic and witty – so spending time with him, in
general and not just at the event, brings so much light to my life. He’s actually
pretty much the most fun-loving, positive, excitable person I know! And I honestly
believe that everyone should have at least one person who is like that in their
lives. Caring about Jack has meant I was so so so chuffed for him when he
confided in me that he was going to propose to his boyfriend! I think that when
you think your best friends are the greatest people in the entire world, it
means so much to see that someone else thinks that too – so thank you Spencer,
for bringing so much love, compassion, kindness, and positivity to Jack’s life.
And, thank you to Suzanne (Jack’s Mum) not only for coming to my blog’s
Birthday Party and the YND Publication party, but for bringing Jack into this
world and for helping to shape him into the person he is today, because he has
truly made the world a better place for so many people.
A final shout out to a really
good friend and lovely person: Rachel,
who actually came to both the 10th Birthday Party and the You’re NOT
Disordered Publication Party! I’ve known Rachel since Middle School but when we
went to separate High Schools we lost touch, but over the last few years she
has been massively supportive of all my projects and collaborations etc. with I’m
NOT Disordered. Rachel also works with CNTW and has actually given me and my
blog a mention a few times to be involved in various opportunities with the
Trust and her colleagues in particular. It’s so lovely to have someone be this
supportive and compassionate but who has known you since before all of the
mental health ‘stuff’ started so I feel like she has a good insight into who I
am because she’s seen the before and after.