The Bad Tribunal

It was my tribunal today. It had actually been a difficult decision to appeal my section and go ahead with the hearing and at first, I just kept reminding myself of how much I don't want to be here on the bad days but recently I haven't needed to remind myself because the bad days have been that often.
My argument to the tribunal panel was that in the community (at my worst) I was overdosing once a week to shut the voices up and therefore, once I'd taken enough tablets to make them quiet and happy, I would get help for the O'D but now, being here has made me feel suicidal so that if I was made to stay here then given the opportunity, I would overdose but not get help for it. I tried to show them that this was worse but they explained that their hope would be that I never got that opportunity while that would be my intention and that although I say I would get help for overdoses in the community there was no guarantee that it would be enough. Sometimes, with paracetamol overdoses (which is what I usually take) even a small amount can cause liver failure.
The panel spoke with a CPN from my Community Team first as my CPN couldn't attend and he explained that there were no relevant services for BPD where I live and that they felt I couldn't be kept safe in the community as they were so ill-equipped to deal with such a severe form of the Disorder. The hospital staff spoke about the time I went AWOL on my unescorted ground leave. Then one of the nurses' explained then she would be very concerned if they discharged my section because she knew what I would do and that she noticed my suicidal intent had increased and the staff were aware (after a room search) that I had suicide notes for my family etc in my room.
So, my section was upheld.

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