This post, and the following three, are part of a series named
Here For The Kittens and are all in collaboration with Cats Protection, the
UK’s largest feline welfare charity…
You can find all the links for their social media here: Cats
Protection’s LinkTr.ee
You can find the first post of this series here: http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2023/05/hereforthekittens-series-intro-managing.html
The content of this second post in
the series, has been inspired by the first, exciting, and very happy week with
Ruby! Now, with I’m NOT Disordered primarily being a mental health blog, I
wanted to make sure there’s a lot of related content in this series; just so
that readers aren’t put off by the thought that they need to like cats to have
any remote benefit from the content of #HereForTheKittens. So, this post will
focus on the emotions and thoughts that come with getting a new pet and I’ll
talk about how I’m coping with them and the ways in which Cats Protection have
helped and supported me through the amazingly enormous amount of information
and advice on their website. Dotted amongst this content, there’s some updates
on how Ruby’s first week has gone, and there’ll be a reel/video at the end which
will be a compilation of the many photos and videos of her that have totally clogged
up my phone’s storage…
Uncertainty
So, a week
ago today I picked up my new little kitten; Ruby, who is actually part Ragdoll
in breed so she’s extremely fluffy – fluffier than she’d looked in the photos
of her that the breeder had sent me as she was growing up (kittens must be at
least 8 weeks old to leave their Mum and siblings)! I also had struggled to
tell just how small she was from the photos until I got a video of her sitting
in a shoe and having that comparison helped to put her size into perspective,
but she was still so much tinier that I had envisioned! But I’m not complaining(!)
– little and fluffy sounds like the description of a perfect kitten for me!
(Cats Protection have actually created a way to age a kitten in order to ensure
that they’re the right age that both the seller is telling you, and that
they’re old enough to leave their Mum and siblings: Kitten ageing
chart | Advice on kittens | Cats Protection). And I think that the reason I’m commenting on the
uncertainty of her size and her type of fur is because it was the very first
really key emotion that I experienced in the immediate run-up to going to
collect her.
Thinking
about her appearance wasn’t the only uncertainty though; what’s arguably more
important, was the recognition that there was a huge element of unknown in
terms of her response in meeting my two mini-Lionhead bunnies (who are free
roam) – Luna and Gracie. And in reverse too – their response in meeting her!
So, in the run up to getting Ruby my beliefs around this were that Luna would
be fine with her because she was brought up with my last cat (Emmy) for over a
year so it wouldn’t be a huge shock for it. Then, because Gracie is only a few
months old, I thought that either she would take Luna’s lead and be comfortable
around the kitten, or that she’d just get used to Ruby being there because she
hasn’t been here that long so there’s still scope for introducing her to new
things and her not being totally terrified – more curious, if anything!
Cats Protection have a whole page on
their website about introducing a new cat/kitten to a dog or other pet. It
mainly focuses on doing things through a gradual process, but I think it’s
equally important to consider what is best for your pets in recognising that
you might be better placed in predicting their response to the introductions:
Cats
& Dogs/Other Pets | Help & Advice | Cats Protection
Because of
this uncertainty around introducing Ruby to Luna and Gracie, I created a plan to
do so… I decided to keep the bunnies in the kitchen (where their hutch is but
they’re free roam) and let Ruby explore the rest of the house for a few hours
and then my Mum popped in for a little bit and she had kitten toys for her.
When my Mum left, I thought it would be good to give Ruby an hour or two to
calm down and do some more exploring and establishing her way around the house
(it’s a bungalow so it’s not too complicated!) and then I let the bunnies out
of the kitchen. Initially, when I was planning this, I didn’t know whether to
shut the three of them (and me) in the living room so that they had no real
choice but to meet each other, because otherwise, what if they just ran off and
hid somewhere in the house? But then I thought that if they didn’t feel trapped
then it might help them to know they could go and hide or take a break for a
little while.
In the end I
let Luna and Gracie come through to the living room after Ruby had been home a
few hours, but only Luna seemed curious (Gracie just watched Ruby from afar!)
but I thought it would be this way with Luna having been brought up with a cat
when I first got her.
Here’s a little video of Luna and Ruby meeting:
Now, in
coping with all this uncertainty, I found it really important and settling to
recognise and remind myself of the fact that in this respect, there’s only so
much you can do. And you should therefore take comfort and reassurance from the
fact you have tried your best and have done everything you can think of to
contribute to the best outcome for you/your kitten/other pets etc. in these uncertain
and unpredictable scenarios.
For more advice and information on
bringing a kitten home:
Bringing a
new kitten home | Help and advice | Cats Protection
Anxiety
Anxiety
might seem totally worthy of getting a ton of mentions in the previous bit
about uncertainty because surely being uncertain makes you anxious?! But I
don’t think that’s necessarily true… I think that you can be excited about an
uncertainty too. Like, the thought that something really good could happen can
be a really positive notion and can actually leave you feeling productive and
optimistic.
So, the
anxiety I experienced in getting Ruby was particularly around judging myself as
to whether I was a good cat Mum or not and how I would cope if I felt that I
wasn’t quite up to scratch – scratch! Get it?! I mean, it’s no
secret that I had a huge mental health relapse in February and was sectioned
and that I went on to struggle for the following few months – it all honesty,
it would be fair to say I continued to struggle until the moment I met Ruby and
brought her home. Now, I recognise there’ll be a massive range of opinions
around this because I’ve heard a few of them expressed to me…
The largest
and most upsetting opinion has been around the idea that I wasn’t well enough
to bring a new pet into my home and to be trusted to take responsibility for
her. I totally appreciate this because it’s something that in the very early
days of first seeing Ruby and putting the deposit down for her, I thought about
that too. I recognised that I wouldn’t be able to self-harm or make a suicide
attempt or be admitted to hospital in any way once I had her. But almost
instantly, I appreciated that I have such good intuition with my pets, and I
found the conviction that having Ruby was going to help my mental health far more
powerful and persuasive than any concern I’d be incapable of taking care of
her. Whilst I had this certainty, I very obviously did still keep in mind the importance
of recognising if that became no longer true; and that no matter how
heart-wrenching it might be, I would have to pull out of getting her if it
became apparent that I might not be able to give her the safety, care, and
kindness she deserves and needs.
Those
closest to me though – particularly my Mum and one of my best-friend’s; fellow
mental health blogger Martin Baker (visit his blog: www.gumonmyshoe.com) – were always so incredibly
supportive of the idea and my belief that getting Ruby would be so helpful for
my mental health and my recovery from this massively distressing and dangerous
relapse. And that’s meant a lot – their trust in me and my instincts around my
mental health and getting Ruby… And in caring for my pets in general.
This confidence
in me honestly means so much because for such a long time I had all the wrong,
unsafe ‘instincts’ that just put me in a more dangerous situation or just
generally worsened my mental health. I would have something difficult happen to
me or someone would say something upsetting and I’d just almost immediately and
instinctively go to self-harm or other negative and unhealthy coping strategies
in order to manage my thoughts and feelings around the situation. Whilst this
was obviously bad for so many reasons, one reason that people scarcely realise
or think of, is that basic human instinct to do whatever you can to survive.
So, for someone to attempt suicide? Well, that takes a lot of… Just… A lot! And
so, to come back from that; to change your behaviours and thought process so drastically?
Well, that takes a hell of a lot of time, effort, passion, dedication,
determination, energy… It takes everything. And so, for the people who know me
the best and love me the most, to recognise just how much things have changed
and to trust my decisions now, is so important and special.
So, even
though I fully established that getting Ruby would be helpful for me, I still
had a huge awareness of how I might cope if I were to feel like a failure in
taking care of her or if she were to become poorly. I think that these anxious
worries were particularly because I’ve gotten Ruby off the back of my previous
cat (Emmy) being put to sleep so the thoughts of her getting poorly and me
feeling useless are already still fresh thoughts and emotions from losing Emmy.
The only
challenging experience relevant to the worry of being a failure, was the day I
got Ruby because it was an incredibly hot day, and she was quite warm and
drowsy but wouldn’t drink water from her bowl – yet she would eat her wet food from
the identical one. Originally, I thought it was because the bell on her collar
was knocking against the china bowl, but it did that on the food dish and it didn’t
seem to bother her. I – with a huge amount of help from my Mum – eventually
figured out that the bowl was quite deep, and she seemed unsure that it was
just water in it so I found a side plate that had a bit of depth and put water
on there until she – a few hours later – began drinking from the larger bowl
(and she’s been using her ‘big girl’s bowl’ ever since!).
The majority
of my sense of failure here came from the fact it took my Mum making guesses
too and her coming up with suggestions and ideas for what to use as something shallower
before I figured it out. And I guess that I felt that as the ‘mum;’ I should be
completely responsible for Ruby’s care and that if I couldn’t figure something
relatively simple out by myself, what right did I have to call her mine? Now,
of course I recognise that this isn’t quite balanced or wise thinking because
any new parent – whether that be of an actual human baby or a furry one! –
needs help, advice, and support sometimes, you know? You can’t just get
everything perfect straight away! And you shouldn’t be both expected to, nor have
convinced yourself, that it should be that way.
To help relieve any practical, pet-related
anxiety; did you know that you can book a talk and have Cats Protection visit
your school, college, or place of higher education to improve your student’s
knowledge and understanding of various important aspects of cats that include
lectures on topics such as health and disease and welfare and ethics? To learn
more about this service, to access their free learning resources, or to book a
talk visit their incredibly useful and innovative Education Hub:
Education | Cats Protection | Cats Education
Excitement
I won’t lie,
the excitement for the week or so before getting Ruby was kind of like the
lead-up to Christmas – and the night before was pretty much exactly like
Christmas Eve! Now, this may seem like a completely normal and absolutely fine
and healthy feeling, but when it comes to pets; the most important element to
this is ensuring that your excitement doesn’t have an impact on the
consideration you put into the more serious and practical responsibilities that
come with the pet.
This is a
very real problem in the animal charity/rescue world where a number of
organisations actually stop adoptions during particular times of the year e.g.,
bunnies at Easter and puppies around Christmastime because they recognise that
pets are often bought as ‘gifts.’ And sometimes, that means they aren’t
carefully considered, and the long-term impact and implications aren’t
recognised or properly accepted. And this is one big reason why Cats Protection
and I have partnered on this series – to illustrate the very real
responsibilities and duties that come with adding a pet – a cat obviously specifically
– to your life.
One of the
largest reasons for my excitement in getting Ruby was the thought of her being so
helpful for my mental health. In all honesty, this was a huge reason purely for
getting Ruby because since February this year, my mental health relapsed and I’ve
been sectioned, detained and sedated under the Mental Capacity Act, restrained,
medicated, and kept in hospital through a DoLS. Things got incredibly unsafe
and to say I was struggling with the hallucinations would be an understatement –
I couldn’t cope with them. I couldn’t live with them. I didn’t want to live
with them. But, eventually, the thought of Ruby gave me hope and some actual
light when I was feeling very lost in a dark tunnel!
Whilst some
professionals did question whether I was fit enough to take care of another animal
when I couldn’t seem to take care of myself, I thought that this actually made
me extra-motivated and passionate about getting a kitten and being 100%
responsible for her. And so, I actually put the deposit down on Ruby whilst I
was under the care of the Crisis Team! I felt that even whilst up until maybe a
week before I got Ruby, I felt so terrible to the point of being suicidal, as the
notion of getting her became more real the closer it got to picking her up, that
seemed to fill me with hope. It made me believe that I had a future. And that the
future wasn’t going to be full of pain and leave me with an overwhelming resentment
towards all the lovely, amazing, people who were working so incredibly hard to
save my life (which is a fact I’m now really grateful for!).
The next bit
of excitement that meant a lot to me (it’s something that I touched on earlier
and which Cats Protection provide advice on here)
in getting Ruby was the thought of introducing her to my two mini-lionhead
bunnies (Luna and Gracie) because the two of them had bonded so well with their
immediate introduction, but I knew introducing one bunny to another was a lot different
to having a kitten meet two rabbits! But I was hopeful from the fact that Luna
had spent her first year and a bit with my last cat (Emmy) and that Gracie
seemed to take the lead from Luna and would often mimic her behaviours. So, in
all honesty, my excitement had me wanting to just throw them all together
immediately! But I remained cautious and considerate of the fact that Ruby was
already being so overwhelmed with just being taken from her mum and siblings
and then being plonked in a completely new home! I also recognised that Luna and
Gracie are incredibly well-bonded, and I didn’t want to really disrupt that if
one took well to Ruby, but the other felt threatened and then alone. So, I’ve
been letting all of them have time together once or twice a day for this first
week and then I think I’ll start doing one or two more occasions for their
second week. It’s kind of a huge learning curve and sometimes, especially with new
pets, you can feel like you’ve planned for so many eventualities and then none
of them happen and something completely different occurs!
For general, rational, and sensible advice
on caring for a kitten (including feeding, vaccinations, weaning, and
neutering):
Kitten care |
advice on kittens and newborns | Cats Protection
Emotional
So,
having gotten Ruby off the back of losing my calico rescue cat; Emmy, getting
her and our first week together has actually been a bit of an emotional
rollercoaster! I mean, I’ll never forget the warmth that seemed to touch my
heart and the feeling that seemed to give my entire body a cuddle when I first
held Ruby. It was like… it was like as new as she is and as tiny as she is; it
felt like
my heart had been made to fit hers. It was like I’d known her forever. Like she
had been born to be with me.
As
soon as I got her into the car, we had a photo together because my Mum had
asked for a picture when I had her and to be the first one to see her; and she
got emotional too! I think that a lot of that came from seeing and hopefully
feeling or knowing that I was so much happier and safer now she was officially
in my life. And probably another part was around losing Emmy, and the rest? Just
how damn cute she is! I mean, the taxi driver who took me to pick her up and
bring me home had said he wasn’t a ‘cat person’ and ‘preferred dogs’ but as
soon as he saw her, he said “aw! Shall I hold onto her while you get in?” And
this has pretty much been the standard response from everyone who has met her
so far – either “oh my god she’s so cute” or “she’s so tiny!” and then “I could
just watch her forever!” And those comments have been funny because each time I
find myself feeling really proud; as though I’m the reason why she’s so cute!
If you’re in a similar position to me and your new
kitten or cat is the result of a loss, please visit Cats Protection’s grief and
loss section on their website which also features details for their helpline:
Grief and
loss | Dealing with your cat's death | Cats Protection
I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and that it’s been
helpful in reassuring people that it’s absolutely fine to experience any of
these emotions or have these thoughts, and that it’s possible to cope with them
in ways that will be helpful, useful, and positive for both yourself and for
your new kitten or cat.
Keep an eye out for the third post of this series that
will be published Saturday June 3rd!
Don’t
forget that after I purchased this Hello World sign: £5.99 from Phoenix Cove – to
celebrate this series, the Etsy store have offered you lovely readers an
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