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“Not
‘little’ in that it was diminished or insignificant, but ‘little’ in that it
is, I believe, short and snappy. I want it to be the type of book that people
will pick up and think, ‘this doesn’t look too overwhelming to read.’ I want it
to be the type of book you can dip in and out of and get something out of every
chapter individually, without having to read the whole thing.”
‘Introduction’
of A Little of Leadership Lessons by Steph Edusei
Noticing this book on Steph’s Facebook page (which you can follow here), I was immediately taken by the title and the thought of learning something so profound and professional from someone who I have known for a number of years and have met (I used to volunteer for the Communications and Marketing department of the Hospice Steph is CEO of: St Oswald’s Hospice). I was pleasantly surprised to read in the Introduction of the book that there was going to be ‘key learning points’ and ‘suggestions for further learning’ at the end of every Chapter. As Steph writes though: ‘if you don’t feel it’s important to dig into theories and read around a subject right now then just ignore that bit, I completely understand…’I however, love elements like this! So, I seriously couldn’t wait to get started…
“Like
anyone, I’ve had some challenges and setbacks in my life, but I’ve also had
some wonderful opportunities and role models. In this book, I’ve tried to
distil some of that into ten leadership lessons that I believe are helpful to
others…”
I
really liked that after each title of the chapter of the book, there’s a
‘Friend’s style’ ‘the one where…’ sentence that lists a very brief – like,
three lines – description of the chapter and what it’s going to contain,
discuss, or feature. This is actually a trend I attempted to upkeep with I’m
NOT Disordered’s blog posts in the very beginning but found that it wasn’t a
popular method for creating a blog post title. To use it in the book in this
way though? Very clever and a very familiar consistency to have chosen to
maintain throughout the ‘little’ book! An example to kick things off would be
Chapter One: What is Leadership? The ‘Friend’s sentence is then: ‘The one where
I explore what leadership truly means, how it differs from management, and why
trust, emotional intelligence, and team dynamics are at the heart of effective
leadership…’
“I’m honoured and grateful to be in a
position I can help people in this way. But I can only talk to a certain number
of people at a time…”
This
little quote from early in the book spoke to me in my role as a Blogger and I
found it particularly make me reflect on my procedures in receiving emails from
readers. When I first created, I’m NOT Disordered and started blogging, I was
actually a sectioned inpatient of a psychiatric hospital and so when its
popularity grew… it was difficult for reasons that are completely different to
those I struggle with now. Back then, when I began receiving 20 to 30 emails
per day from readers, it was massively overwhelming and when the majority of
those people were telling me their very difficult and upsetting life stories,
it was incredibly hard. I felt triggered and found myself wishing no one would
read my blog posts – back then, I couldn’t even entertain the idea of not
blogging(!), just the thought of no one reading my content seemed a lot more
possible – and lot more likely!
When I
realised that so many amazing things comes from my blog’s popularity; ranging
from lovely feedback from readers to amazing collaborations and opportunities,
I figured that I needed to think up some sort of system or process for handling
emails from readers. So, I devised three or four ‘copy-and-paste’ replies that
were specific to the usual topic or subject readers were emailing with e.g. a
mental health query/ask for advice, an account of a trauma e.g. rape or abuse, thoughts
and feelings around suicide and self-harm, a tale from being a psychiatric
hospital inpatient… Heavy things! Hopefully those examples show just how
desperate a need it was to develop the automatic replies.
More
recently, I’m really accustomed now – twelve years since creating I’m NOT
Disordered – to those kinds of emails, but my new, most recent difficulty in
this remit has been the number of emails that my one personal email account is
receiving per day. Mostly because I have emails from brands and collaboration
partners go in there, as well as ones regarding events e.g. the Sheffield
get-together with Waythrough the other week (I vlogged about it on my
Instagram: @aimes_wilson) and now, another huge one for
a different charity coming up in September! So, I created the blog’s own email
address (imnotdisorderedblog@outlook.com) exclusively for contact and
feedback from readers, new collaboration requests, and media enquiries.
I think
that my largest struggle with all of this is that – like Steph – I want to help
all those people! When you’ve been through something life-changing and
something which could have very really ended my life (I was on life support
twice from suicide attempts) and have made it out the other side; it’s
incredibly difficult to not want to tell every single person in that old
position of yours, that there’s hope and a light at the end. That they too, can
make it. In all honesty, it scares me to think that there are so many people
losing their lives because they don’t have that hope – or don’t have someone
giving them that hope.
“I’d love new and aspiring leaders to
read it and for it to help them if not avoid some of the situations, emotions
and reactions I describe, then recognise them for what they are more quickly
than I did, and understand and absorb the learning from them…”
This
quote wasn’t actually next in the book, but it seemed to fit really well with
what I was just saying in that it illustrates the drive to help others and the
reasons for wanting to do so. Steph has honestly 100% summed up my exact
motivations in blogging: to help others to either completely avoid situations
I’ve been in, or to be able to cope better with them than I did. In my eyes,
that makes all those horrible experiences I’ve had feel completely worthwhile
and justified. Like, if I can use them as something positive and productive,
how can I possibly let them destroy me?
It's
not just about mental health instances to me though, I try to also include a
lot of content on being a blogger – or the title I’ve recently – slightly
begrudgingly – agreed to accept as a label, Influencer. I like to think that my
content on that, recognises the importance this career can have on your life
and, obviously, on your mental health in particular. I’ve learnt a lot of hard lessons
through my blogging career around all thing’s communications and marketing.
“Life took over and I stopped writing
and pretty much told myself that I wasn’t going to be an author…”
This
quote leads nicely from that last bit because I think the hardest time in my
blogging career was when I received some horrible comments and ended up closing,
I’m NOT Disordered down for around one month. I think the worst part about that
time was that I’d come to feel defined by my blogging and had started to very
openly accept being labelled a blogger… For far too long in my life, I
wholeheartedly believed that my purpose in life was to die at a young age and
in a way that would highlight the failures of mental health services. Blogging
really helped me to tackle that belief and find a whole new, healthy, and much
more productive purpose in helping others through the content I create.
“The burden of being the expert. Being
an expert, or being perceived as an expert, can be really tough…”
I liked
this bit to run after what I was saying about being an Influencer and how
difficult it was to accept that label… Well, another challenge in it; is the
fact that having that label and the amount of followers I’m NOT Disordered has,
often means people will assume that I’m knowledgeable and incredibly
experienced and therefore qualified in so many different things that I often,
know very little about! People assume I’m good with technology as though that’s
an essential quality in content creation, but actually I wouldn’t say that I am
all that talented with it! I mean, I’m a quick and eager learner with a lot of
things, so I’d say/accept that there’s definitely a lot I could learn about
technology.
“Yes, I hear you saying, ‘this is all
really interesting, but how do I deal with imposter phenomenon?’ So this is how
I learned how to control and manage mine. It didn’t happen overnight and as you’ll
see some of it was personally challenging…”
After
this quote, Steph listed: notice, listen, look, relearn, and ask as ways to
deal with the Imposter Phenomenon she had been speaking about experiencing
herself. And I think that this Phenomenon is actually something I’ve massively
experienced in my blogging career in particular relation to I’m NOT
Disordered’s popularity and the notion that I’m incredibly undeserving of it. This
has also led to my struggle in owning the Influencer label and in a recent blog
post, I actually talked about how I researched ‘Influencers’ in the hope that I
could find something that would allow me to be able to say that it’s
categorically not me! But actually, I ended up finding out that if you have
over 1,000,000 readers, you’re labelled a Mega Influencer! And I’m NOT
Disordered has over double that! So, needless to say, that backfired!
I think
that the way in which I’ve managed to overcome it, has largely been reality!
And just feeling like reaching almost 2.4 million readers has proven to be
something which there’s no denying and I don’t want to deny it! I don’t want to
lose how special and important that is, and if owning a label helps me and
others to recognise the achievement of building such a huge audience, then so
be it!
Having
my own experience and struggle of this issue, meant that I found this part of
the book massively insightful and interesting. It was incredibly validating
too; to hear of someone else experiencing some similar thoughts and feelings –
and being able to validate another person that you don’t know very well, is a
hugely amazing quality of Steph’s!
“I used to think that a full diary,
preferably with back-to-back and overlapping appointments, was a sign of
success. It meant I was in demand, needed, and important…”
This
quote went on to discuss ‘conquering FOMO’ and I absolutely loved this concept
– to the point where I considered it inspiring an entire blog post (but I
realised that I actually don’t think I have enough experience or opinions to fill
a whole post!)! But I picked this bit out of the book because it’s something
I’ve also learnt and gained a lot of insight and experience in throughout my
blogging career.
A huge
balancing act I’ve had to master or develop has been around keeping busy…
“You know when you’re too busy. You
know when the work you’re doing isn’t important or valuable. You know when the
timescale is unrealistic. You know when you’re about to get overwhelmed. Trust
your instincts…”
Once
again, that previous quote leads nicely into this one… What I was going to say
regarding the balancing act was that I used to take on so many opportunities
and tasks that it was often too much and would become so overwhelming that it
would affect my mental health and therefore my safety levels. The struggle here
was that having been suicidal and ending up on life support a couple of times
from suicide attempts and now being in recovery and feeling happy and safe, it
makes me want to take all the opportunities that come my way! Because I deem
doing so, as living life to the fullest and making the most of the time I have.
Of the happiness I have. Of the safety I have.
Over
time, I’ve learned to be sensible in taking on tasks and opportunities and to
regulate and be aware of just how much time and energy will be required from
particular offers and chances. I like to try to think of the sort of… worst
case scenario too and consider if such and such happened and if I needed to do
such and such, would I be able to? Would I have the time? And would I have the
energy? That way, I felt like when I committed to something, I did so with the
upmost preparation, thoughtfulness, dedication, and consideration.
“Should I challenge them on the
inappropriateness of their comment?”
This quote from the book was regarding a Board Member’s
comment in a meeting in which the press was also in attendance, that Steph was a
‘woman of colour.’ Whilst I obviously can’t relate to this on that level, I can
very much appreciate horrible or awkward comments and the notion or questioning
as to speaking up about them.
When I recently worked with an NHS Trust to
facilitate Personality Disorder training to primary care mental health staff, one
of them commented that people with such a diagnosis, are the “worst patients”
she gets. She went on to talk about how it was difficult to get help and the
right services for those people and then everyone just carried on with the
training and I was sat there at a bit of a loss and a crossroads of whether to
say anything. In the end though, I thought that not only would I regret not saying
something, but that it was really why I was there in the first place – to
represent and stand up for mental health service users and in particular, those
with a Personality Disorder. So, why be there if I wasn’t going to take on that
responsibility properly?
I pointed out that if she made the comment about
being the ‘worst’ to someone, they’d be straight off and likely end up
self-harming or attempting suicide. They most often wouldn’t stick around to
hear her – or let her – explain herself and see that she was actually referring
to the services for people with a Personality Disorder. After saying that,
later in the session; that same member of staff said, “I want to ask a
question, but I’m going to phrase it wrong – but that’s why I’m asking; to find
out how I should phrase it!” And I suddenly had the upmost respect for her for recognising
that she might not/wasn’t going to get it right and that in addition to
recognising it; she wanted to change that fact. She wanted to get it right. And
she also recognised that I was the person who could help her to do so. And that
meant the absolute world to me. To be viewed as that person who could prove to
be helpful enough that it might protect others from hearing her poorly phrased
comments.
“The easiest option for me would have
been to go into fight or flight mode, but my earlier experience, as well as the
process I’d gone through to counter imposter phenomenon, gave me a couple of
other options…”
Since
having Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) there have been countless instances
where, when they have occurred, I have 100% recognised that if they’d happened
just a little while earlier, they might have had a very different impact on me,
my mental health, and my safety levels in particular. But, having learnt so
many healthy, safe, and productive coping skills in DBT, I now know wiser than
to use self-harm as a means of dealing with difficult situations.
“I
have made lots of mistakes in my life, and I’m not ashamed to say it. I have
even made the same mistake more than once before I learned from it, and while
this chapter could be all about the value of allowing yourself to make
mistakes, it’s not. It is about some very valuable learning that I got from a
repeated mistake…”