“Things
are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.”
Bill
Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
I sort of built this day up a bit on the blog with a previous piece about the pre-wedding party: A TREASURE TROVE BLOG POST: MAID OF HONOUR INSIGHT INTO THE BEST-FRIEND’S PRE-WEDDING WARM-UP!!! | IN COLLABORATION WITH TURTLE BAY NEWCASTLE | I'm NOT Disordered. Then, this blog post was written ahead of time so that I could still publish it on the weekend of the Wedding (it was on Saturday April 18th) without having to write it then too! But, on writing this, the plan is to likely put this up on the Sunday because the after-party finishes at midnight on Saturday night and I obviously want to add all – or some (depending on how many I take!) – photos and videos etc to the post! And, in case anyone is wondering, I take absolutely no credit for the questions in this piece – it was literally all Chat GPT! I honestly just loved them so much and enjoyed that I purely had to answer them(!)…
When did you first realise Jack wasn’t
just a friend, but a best-friend?
Jack and I genuinely can’t remember how we
originally met because we know – mostly because it’s document online as opposed
to remembering(!) – that he wrote a guest post for I’m NOT Disordered in 2015 (which
you can read: ''This
award just shows that the work I'm doing is making a difference" - A guest
blog by Jack Wilson | I'm NOT Disordered and, while you’re
there, he wrote a second during Blogmas 2022 after we reunited, which you can
read: BLOGMAS
2022 | DAY NINE: CHRISTMAS WITH... CNTW MEMBERSHIP & ENGAGEMENT OFFICER;
JACK WILSON | I'm NOT Disordered) but neither of us
can remember how that 2015 one even came to happen exactly…
But, in a quick use of the ‘See
Friendship’ function on Facebook, I found that we both
attended a Mind UR Moustache event at Newcastle University on November 21st,
2014. However, at some point after the blog post we lost touch and didn’t
really speak again until we ended up on the same table at an awards ceremony
for the Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust (CNTW)
Staff Excellence Awards in 2022 (which I actually blogged for to raise
awareness of them before the ceremony: THE
IMPORTANCE OF RECOGNISING SKILLS, ASSETS, & QUALITIES | THE STAFF
EXCELLENCE AWARDS 2022 | IN COLLABORATION WITH CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE
& WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | I'm NOT Disordered
but then I also posted photos from at the actual Awards ceremony on Instagram here)!
And since doing my first Jägermeister shot ever(!)
with Jack at the 2022 ceremony, we’ve been best-friends ever since. I mean it
was literally like we just picked up where we’d left off – beyond that
actually! Like, I don’t remember being this close in 2015 – otherwise perhaps
we’d have both remembered how we met in the way we remember the Awards (despite
the shots!) because it made us best-friends almost immediately! So, I think the
actual moment though – I’d pinpoint as being the moment I realised we were
best-friends all of a sudden(!) was when we were stood at the bar at the Awards
and this other young guy was with us and he asked for a shot of Baileys and
Jack and I just laughed – almost silently but at the same time knowing how
hilarious we both found it and I think that’s the really defining
characteristic of best-friendship compared to friendship! – to each other!
What’s one memory of Jack and Spencer
that made you think, “this is real love”?
Chat GPT actually thought of another question that
I really liked too about when I had first felt included in their relationship
and I didn’t include it in this post because my answer to this question is
literally the same as what I would have said to that one! Both were literally
when I first met Spencer in July 2023 after they’d been together a couple of
months!
Spencer went to the loo – though, in my speech at
the Wedding, when I was referring to this moment, I described it as ‘Spencer
left for a bit!’ – and whilst he was gone, Jack told me that he was planning to
propose at their six-month anniversary! I couldn’t believe it! In fairness,
this was also probably another moment that could be listed under that first
question about realising he was a best-friend because he went on to explain to
me that I was only the second or third person to know after his Mum and – I
think (that’s why I can’t remember if I was the second or third person) – Gran!
Not only did I feel incredibly important and special, but I also felt a huge
sense of pressure because I knew Spencer would be returning to the table at any
moment and I couldn’t say a word about how incredibly excited and thrilled and
proud I literally was for Jack and obviously for him and Spencer as a couple
too!
There wasn’t a single thought in my head around it
being ‘too soon’ in the relationship or them being ‘too young.’ Having been
someone who has undergone a heck of a lot of judgment over the years around any
decisions I’ve ever made – whether around relationships or my career or
whatever! – I’m never one to pass those same – or similar – thoughts and
opinions on to others too. I know how that feels now. And I just think if
someone is making a mistake, it’s their mistake to learn from, cope with,
manage, and adjust to. It’s for no one else to pass judgement – like, that
person is probably already struggling enough with their own thoughts on their
actions, without your additional pressure and opinions only working to exacerbate
this.
I also hold these non-judgmental thoughts massively
close when it comes to relationships. And especially those which are different
or unusual from the ‘norm’ such as gay couples. I just think if someone commits
too hard and too soon in a relationship, that’s on them to learn from it and
get out of it. I appreciate some people find this difficult when a lot of
people often have the outlook that being on the outside of the relationship
means they’re able to ‘see’ a lot more to it than those inside the relationship.
As though their judgment might be less emotional and one-sided. It’s more from
an observational standpoint than anything resembling some sort of a more personal
investment or real commitment. And believing that you have a more balanced and
less emotional view, can feel really important when the situation involves a
loved one and you believe you’re trying to look out for them and ‘save them
heartache later down the line.’
Now, as much as I absolutely love Jack to death(!),
I would have never stepped in on any of his relationship decisions because in
my opinion, it’s a huge risk to take. I recognise that you can end up upsetting
or offending someone when you express your own thoughts on their
life. And I would never want to do anything to upset Jack and risk losing him
from my life. Even if that meant sitting on an opinion and disagreeing with a
decision he makes or an action, he takes. I feel that the important thing –
unless the situation is like, life or death(!) – is that I’m there in any
fall-out. I’ve found, and experienced myself, that being there to help someone
cope with the consequences to their actions or the repercussions of their
decisions, can mean a lot more to a person than fully stepping in and pointing
out things you feel are wrong! And sometimes, perhaps outside of the situation,
isn’t a fair standpoint to begin expressing opinions anyway!
So, despite him planning it within months of
getting together with Spencer and the proposal being scheduled for their
six-month anniversary – which, not too many couples even make a celebration of
let alone propose on it! – and despite them both being a fair bit (trying not
to make myself feel old!) younger than me, I 100% trust Jack’s judgements and his
decisions. In all honesty, I personally think that having this attitude with
someone is actually a huge sign of respect and it shows a lot of trust and
confidence in Jack and, really, in our friendship too!
I honestly think that the only negative thought or
emotion I had around this news was around jealousy and a real sadness and envy
that he had this certainty toward a person. That he had this certainty in a
relationship. It was incredible to think of someone having that sureness and
being so incredibly sure and confident that he’s with the right person. Even in
my long-term relationship – it took seven years before we actually got engaged!
And I fully get and agree that every relationship is different, but I couldn’t
help but be a little envious that Jack had this concrete knowledge that Spencer
is the person for him so soon off the bat!
How has Jack changed or grown over the
11 years you’ve known him?
In the nicest way possible, I don’t think that Jack
has changed at all! And that’s a huge reason why I love him so much! I’d agree
that he’s grown, and I’d definitely argue that this is different to ‘changing’
despite that movie (Bridesmaids) where two of the characters argue about this
exact point with one saying that if you’re growing then you’re changing and the
other stating that you can still stay who you are whilst growing. I’d say the
second is true and is 100% true for Jack. He hasn’t changed who he is, but he
has grown over the last eleven years. Obviously, I’d agree that I can’t judge
this across a full eleven years because of how long we sort of lost touch, so
for the last, more concrete four years; I’d say he’s grown in various ways…
But, do you know what,
unlike usual; I struggle to word the ways in which he’s grown… I mean, I was
going to say he’s more responsible, but then I’d still label him daft,
hilarious, silly, immature… I think that a better way of classing him as
responsible – more so than being as a person and in his general behaviours or
personality, I’d say the responsibility is more about his relationship with
Spencer. He’s responsible in staying loyal and faithful to Spencer and he’s
dedicated and responsible to their connection and to their bond.
What’s something Jack and Spencer have
done for you that you’ll never forget?
Jack? Well, I don’t think I could pinpoint a particular
‘thing’ that he’s done for me in our eleven years of knowing each other. And
that’s absolutely not a bad thing! Because it means there’s literally been so
many moments and so many instances and I’d say that the best ‘thing’ in general
that Jack has done for me that I won’t forget, is to be absolutely, unconditionally
supportive.
I learnt the definition and meaning of ‘unconditional’
– in terms of love – from my Mum first and foremost in experiencing her continuous
and unrelenting love throughout my entire mental health journey. And I honestly
began to believe that I would never find a person I wasn’t related to who would
be that way too. Until Jack. Jack has reminded me that good people do still
exist in this world (something which I actually say in my speech too!).
Spencer? I can – and this isn’t a bad thing
either(!) – pinpoint something with Spencer and perhaps that’s because we haven’t
known each other nearly as long, but it was when I unexpectedly found my
youngest bunny; Gracie, dead in my sitting room in November 2025. Literally
that same day, Spencer had created the most amazing illustration of her which
captured her sweet, lovable memory so well. It really showed me just how
talented he is with graphic design and being creative in this way. And this was
actually also something I said in my speech when I added that I hope this – his
graphics creativity – is never lost, forgotten, or dismissed.
If you had to describe Jack and
Spencer’s relationship in three words, what would they be?
Fun. Inspirational. Kind.
What’s one thing you’d want Jack to
know about how much he means to you?
Another thing that I said in my speech at the
Wedding: he’s been a huge reminder for me feel that this world is worth living
in.
You
can view my Wedding content (including my Speech!) on my Instagram: