Sorry for my silence these past few days; I've been in the medical hospital since Monday. I felt really poorly and was vomiting so I got permission to skip groups and I managed to nap a bit before the pain in my stomach woke me up and I went to get staff. They gave me painkillers but I was sick again and after half an hour I felt worse so the Doctor decided to ring the ward I'd been on with pancreatitis two weeks ago. I went to my bathroom to vom again and the next thing I knew the staff nurse appeared and said 'are you ready?' Apparently, the ward had advised they bring me straight down so I went there with the Nurse and we sat in the waiting room by the assessment part of the ward. We were waiting for a while before a Doctor called me into the assessment area. He decided they needed bloods and a chest x-ray so another Doc came to try and get the blood but failed, then another failed so I was given oral painkillers and anti-sickness before being moved to a proper bed on the ward with my new member of staff (an agency NA who I'd never met before). My cannula (the line in my vein) collapsed when the nurse was trying to put an anti-sickness into it and a drip of fluids to re-hydrate me. So, another anaesthetist put a bigger cannula in and then I started struggling... The voices got loud and there were five rabbits running about the bed so I asked the nurse for Lorazepam and before it got a chance to work I went to the toilet, locked myself in and slammed my head off the floor. The staff unlocked the door from the outside and they all restrained me (apart from the NA) and used a pillow to stop my head hitting the floor. They were trying to calm me down by asking about the rabbits and it was weird; it was like I had word vomit and just all this random shit was falling out of my mouth and even though it was true, it was a bit like nonsense. . . I talked about wanting to go to the beach to build a sandcastle and eat candy floss and how you couldn't name the rabbits. It was all very surreal. I was quite disassociated. They gave me an Olanzapine and put me in a different bed so I didn't disturb the ward then moved me back to my bed when I was sleepy. The next day (Tuesday) is quite strange because I remember nothing about that day! Either then, or yesterday I struggled again and this time I was given IV (in my vein) Diazepam (a sedative).
Today, I was finally allowed back to the Hospital and I was really looking forward to seeing all the girls and having a shower and a nap but a nurse took me into a room and told me I'm now on 5 minutes obs because of what went on at the medical hospital. So, my room is locked 9-5 during the week and 11-5 on the weekend. I cried a bit but then I just thought 'well, there's nothing I can do about it now' so I've accepted it. I'll be busy all day tomorrow anyway and at the weekend I'll sleep on the settee.
I'm still feeling quite low and things are very loud. I just want to cry in a dark corner and be by myself... Admittedly, with a box of pills. But hey-ho gota roll with the punches and all that
