Today, I went home for the day! I hadn't been in probably almost two months because of the overdose and I was surprised I earned it back so quickly!
There was a bit of confusion in the morning as they hadn't realised it was planned that a Nurse came with me in case I needed meds so when the one who was due to come called in sick they weren't sure what to do. In the end, an NA drove and the Charge Nurse took me an hour later than planned and once they'd handed my meds over to my Mum they left us to it with the agreement that they'd ring every couple of hours and see me at 5:15pm.
Mum and I went to a nearby town to the shops. I'd known this was the plan but I'd been a little hesitant because when I was in the community I used to go to this town once a week for Psychology sessions and they were obviously really difficult so that after the majority of them I'd head straight to a chemist. And on one very desperate occasion I almost made it over a balcony in a hardware store. So, I knew that there'd be reminders from my past but I thought I should try and go anyway because I knew if things went really bad my Mum would just get me home. As it happened, it wasn't very triggering; I acknowledged each little reminder but told myself the memories weren't worth ruining the home leave and they didn't. It was nice that the shopping centre was all decorated in Christmassy things too; I took lots of photos and looked like a proper tourist!
After McDonalds we went to Pets at Home to get my cat something for Christmas and my Mum had the brilliant idea of buying something for the kitten I'll be getting when I get discharged so I bought her a collar and came up with a name; Dolly. As soon as we walked into the store, I clocked the cages in the middle where they keep animals and realised I'd forgotten they'd have rabbits but we went over to it and even though there were loads and we thought one was dead it didn't get to me and I took a photo to show how many rabbits I'd confronted.
We went round the shops and I bought the toiletries I needed and a ton of Christmas craft sets from Wilkinson's. If you're a fellow BPDer reading this then I really recommend the Wilkinson's craft sets as a good distraction tool if you're a creative person. Some of them are very simple but they all have amazing results and the most expensive one I bought today was £3!
Mum and I wrapped the home leave up with a photo session on her new phone and I got lots of love from the cat!
I was really pleased that on the way back to the Hospital I just fell asleep so I managed without needing PRN. My Mum asked how I'd managed because she knew I'd been worried about coming back after not going home for so long. But I told her I just tell myself that this is only temporary, it's helping and it's not torture to be here. The girls are lovely, the staff are supportive and if you let it, this place does actually work!
I cannot wait to get started on Psychology with the Psychologist next week so that I feel more active towards achieving my discharge.
