Sunday, 12 January 2014

Dear Nurse,

It's bad again. Already.
The things he's saying... They scare me. No one has ever said these things to me. I keep busy but it just means I'm doing something while he's saying al these horrible things. I guess I should tell you what he says... It is still sometime about  **** and *******. But the rest... Well I've always known he was the paranoid one but some of the things he says... He tell me Mr ***** is behind this entire thing. That he bought the building and hired all of your actors and actresses. He says my pills are to make me forget - that you're all making me take the medication so eventually, I'll forget anything ever happened to me. When  sit down and think about it I know it's all lies but then he joins in (when I'm thinking about it) and everything I say to prove it's a lie, he says three things to undermine me.

The thing is, I get the feeling you're not all getting it. The majority of responses have been 'do you really think that's possible?' Imagine if I told you that you were growing to become a unicorn. You'd laugh. But then say you got a spot in the middle of your head and I told you it was the start of your horn growing. You'd still laugh but maybe after a few seconds. And the more I say, the longer you have to think about it before you laugh.
And don't forget I've also got three other people to please. Last night I had to put the animated version of Alice in Wonderland on for Harry, then I had to turn it up while I argued with Albert about Annie. So, I might be losing against one of them but I'm still fighting the other three. I just wanted you to know this and remember if when I ask for PRN.
Finally, my heard. It had already broken from *** and I'm at the point where I can't even talk about all the stuff in the news about his family. And now, a man I haven't physically seen in years has managed to smash the broken parts into a million pieces. And it hurts. It really bloody hurts. So much that ****** patting me on the back almost made me cry because it felt like my first human contact.
Staff say I isolate myself... Sometimes I have to, like when I'm being told to hurt others. Other times I do it to keep out of the Ward dramas. And I realised avoiding conversations with Albert, Annie, Harry and Henry won't have much use. I need to talk to them to learn their weaknesses and how we can live together more peacefully. I stay in my room in an attempt to control who else hurts me because I'm not all that sure how much more I can stand.