Friday, 10 January 2014

What is recovering?

Recovering and not recovery
It's voluntarily changing the notes on your mirror.
It's requesting PRN medication.
It's asking for leave to go to College and not to give you the opportunity to run away.
It's standing up for yourself without being rude or argumentative.
It's taking your meds because they make you better and not because you have to.
It's choosing your battles.
It's looking forward to therapy.
It's wanting answers.
It's enjoying understanding things.
It's being ready to go back to that place.
It's wanting paracetamol for a headache and not to store it up.
It's recognising your limits.
It's thinking of positive coping strategies yourself.
It's crying when you need to cry and laughing the rest of the time.
It's fixing another person's mascara streaks and not your own.
It's being more excited for other people's birthday.
It's wanting to cope in a different way.
It's looking for reasons not to self-harm rather than excuses to be able to.
It's appreciating the people who are trying to help.
It's apologising and making amends with the people you've hurt.
It's having more banter with the Doctor than arguments.
It's acknowledging when you need help and support.
It's accepting help and support.
It's finding new and positive knee-jerk reactions.
It's not looking at it as a chore to keep in touch with people.
It's telling your Mum as much as you tell staff.
It's not being afraid of your emotions and feelings.
It's not wanting to act on your bad thoughts.
It's putting all your effort into keeping yourself safe.
It's voluntarily disposing of your goodbye letters.
It's taking every opportunity.
It's making the best out of every situation.
It's realising that people move on; they're not abandoning you.
It's learning what your hallucinations mean and why they're there.
It's accepting the things you can't change and trying to change the things that you can.
It's wanting to make those who have passed proud and not join them.
It's when it's no longer reassuring to have a stash of sharps.
It's having a best-friend that you give good advice to.
It's being able to imagine your future.
It's being excited by thoughts of your future.
It's advising people to get support and not how to self-harm and hide it.
It's thinking that not self-harming is the achievement and not the amount of tablets you OD on.
It's feeling thankful of the people who have saved your life.
It's realising that you don't owe those people anything.
It's sleeping because you're tired and not to avoid things.
It's waking up and not wishing you hadn't.
It's fighting against that every single piece of your body that wants to carry you to the nearest box of paracetamol.
It's protecting yourself from yourself.
It's removing all opportunities that could end badly.
It's doing the right thing because you want to and not because you should.
It's not giving up.

It hurts, and sometimes it feels impossibly hard and other times you feel like you're not getting anywhere at all but every day you do something that you wouldn't have while you were poorly, is a day that you're recovering. Enjoy it. Don't get too caught up on worrying about when you'll be recovered; enjoy the journey to the finish line.