Friday, 20 June 2014

A Revelation

So, in my Ward Round yesterday (http://imnotdisordered.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/the-one-where-they-say-renal-failure.html) there was a point where I said that I was working my ass off and seeing nothing in return and my Consultant said 'aren't you doing it for yourself?'
Today, in my psychology session, we talked about that and how I thought that other people's acknowledgement mattered more than my opinion of myself. So we talked that through and the end I realised something. Before I came to this hospital I had such a low opinion of myself; I thought I was a bitch, cold, heartless, selfish... I hated myself so much I thought I deserved to be dead. But now? I'm proud. I've come so far and I am so much stronger than I once was. I'm honest, loyal and caring. And this means I don't want to die. I don't want to kill myself. And that, is so much more important than me having some extra unescorted leaves.

In line with my pride... This has happened...