An Open Letter to Chels


People often say I'm good with words and writing but recently... Well, it's become frustrating because now I have all of my feelings back and my heart has definitely thawed, it is so annoying to find that sometimes there are no words. There are no words to thank my Doctor, none to give my love for mum justification and now, none to tell you just how special and important you are to me.

I really enjoyed my time with you yesterday, it was the first time that we've just... been together. Whenever, I've come across we've always had something big planned so it was really nice to just chill together at your Mum's.
There were so many times that I'd just look to the side and smile at the fact you were right there on the settee with me. And I loved being able to feel you with my toes! I know we messed about but I was actually really just making the most of being able to touch you! When I am with you I feel untouchable. But not in a bad way; not like the old days when I'd self-harm to prove I wasn't. No, this is like... I'm safe when I'm with you. I could take on anything when you are there. We could take on anything.
I love how easy things are with us now too. Obviously I have a lot of other, complicated and upsetting things going on in my life that I can't blog about, but being with you is so easy and effortless. Even when we were both still quite unwell and had to work hard to keep one another safe, it was worth it. And it's so lovely that we no longer have those times as regularly as we used to. It also still amazes me that we manage to support each other at the exact same standards as we would when we were two doors away from one another, even now we are an hour and a half apart.

I remember yesterday when you told me how you had a possibly difficult event coming up and I was thinking 'shit. Shit. Shit.' Not because I didn't have faith in you to cope with it all, but in a protective kind of way. And that when you did overcome it - as I knew you would, I wanted to be there to enjoy that victory with you. So, I was over the moon to hear I was also invited to the event! In a probably cocky way, I felt reassured you'd get through it safely with me there.
I loved letting myself in when I got to your Mum's as it's what I used to do with my best-friend before you. And, it felt really natural and normal; like I should've been doing it all along. I loved talking to your family on Skype on their holiday! I felt like part of the Sharkies!
I'm so proud of all you're doing babe; you're such an inspiration!

Now, let's get saving for Ed Sheeran in October!!!!! ARRRRGH!

Loveyou forever

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