Saturday, 5 May 2018

HOW I BEAT THE LONELINESS OF HEARING VOICES


Isn’t it strange that hearing two voices can make you feel so alone? You’d think it’d be the opposite – that they’d be good company. Or at least, company!

Instead, it makes you feel like you’re the only person in the entire world I guess that, in a way, you are.

Because it’s the entire point of auditory hallucinations; you’re the only person who could hear what you do. Except when you’re listening to this voice – or these voices – telling you all of the worst things that you think about yourself, and more(!) it’s hard to keep that perspective.

I mean, how could you possibly keep in mind that you may be the only person what you are but you aren’t the only person in the world; with 1 in 4 people experiencing mental health problems at least once in their life.

It’s hard though, being the only person to hear Annie and Albert makes me questions ‘why me?’ ‘Why am I the only person to hear them?’ ‘Why did they choose me?’
At first, I felt special – like I was ‘The Chosen One’ or something! Like I was lucky! Like hearing Annie and Albert, was a privledge. An honour. But now that they’ve caused me so much pain and suffering… My questions are filled with anger and frustration… I’m angry that they can have such power over me. I’m frustrated when there’s absolutely nothing I can do – or at least it feels like there’s nothing I can do – to stop them from taking such control over my mind and body.

The only way to get through it is by concentrating on the control that I do have. The power that I have through my Dialectical Behaaviour Therapy (DBT) coping skills and through my knowledge that this is my body, my mind, my head space. I own it, and I didn’t advertise for any tenants!

I didn’t give anyone – or anything – permission to take over and have the power over me that Annie and Albert do.

If I don’t stay strong then they (the voices) have the potential to break me and I’m too far in recovery to let anything spoil that!

My determination and the passion I hold for what I do, gives me the strength I need to fight against these voices and feelings of loneliness. I just hope that others can find a reason to fight too.

In fact, I know they will.