Saturday, 19 January 2019

"WHEN THE SHARPEST WORDS WANNA CUT ME DOWN" | HOW I COPED WITH RECENT SPITEFULNESS




When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I’m gunna send a flood, gunna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I’m meant to be, this is me

Look out ‘cause here I come

And I’m marchin’ on to the beat I drum



So, something happened the other day. Something always happens! After all, without something happening, would there even be a blog post?!

I got an email from Amazon to say that someone had reported that the contents of my book were freely available online and so I may not have the publishing rights. I mean, where are the words? Of course, I replied with an astounded ‘it’s-definitely-my-work-and-I-can-prove-it’ e’mail before I had a huge cry!

How could someone be so… spiteful? A lot of people use the word jealous – saying that others tear you down because they’re actually jealous of your success, your looks, your personality, your style, your hair… But as someone who has regularly had people make assumptions of my emotions and behaviours, I don’t want to presume that’s how this person feels; jealousy is quite a strong word and conjures up many accusations against a person’s character so let’s not go there!

I think it is safe to say that whoever did it was trying to upset me. You might argue this and say that perhaps it wasn’t the person’s intention and maybe they were genuinely concerned that I didn’t have the publishing rights but sadly, the world we live in today provides evidence to the contrary. Being a Blogger - putting myself out there for the world - I’ve made myself vulnerable to spiteful people and hateful comments and criticisms; it’s just in the nature of some people who use social media these days. And there are some who might say that I should expect acts like this; that it’s ‘part of the job’ in being a Blogger. But that doesn’t make them excusable. It doesn’t make such an act tolerable or acceptable. It doesn’t make it ok.


What gets to me the most about this is that this person either hasn’t considered - or has and just doesn’t care - weighing up the impact the book could have on others with the impact their act would have on me. In everything I say and do online and on I’m NOT Disordered especially, I never mean to cause any upset or do any harm. I always have the best intentions. So, in releasing ‘When All Is Said & Typed’ my hope was to help others. That it could be used as either/both a source of advice on coping skills or a source of inspiration in illustrating how far I’ve come in my own mental health recovery journey. And imagine if every single one of my readers bought that book? That’d be almost half a million people benefiting from it. Yet, this one person thought it ok to take that away and, instead, make me miserable?!

The funniest thing is – other than that Amazon have made my book available for pre-order again and have vowed that anymore/similar allegations will be disregarded – this whole thing has made me even stronger! I may have shed a few tears in the process but ultimately, I feel stronger and proud that I didn’t resort to self-harming to cope with the upset.

So, here’s my three top tips in coping with trolls and bullies:

1.      Create some space – if the bullying is online then try spending some time off your technology or make some physical space where there is a negative person in your life.

2.      Self-soothe – do something to make you feel good about/in yourself from painting your nails to watching Harry Potter to listening to positive, upbeat music. Allow yourself the opportunity to experience the goodness you really deserve and allow it to replace all of the bad energy the bully or trolls seem to be surrounding you with.

3.      Run replies past friends/family – if you’re thinking of – or want to – reply to a person’s comments or respond to their actions, try drafting your response and checking it with someone you trust before it goes live. And remember to be smart, concise, and calm in any retaliations.



Of course, the biggest and most sensible piece of advice I can give is to contact your local Police force where necessary.

Where there is imminent risk dial 999 (UK only) or in a non-emergency 101 (UK only)