Looking for a quote for this blog post was kind of fun, but also really inspiring because a lot of quotes about giving advice were centred around the fact that you shouldn’t be disheartened if no one takes it. A few also said to be careful because you’re basically inserting yourself into having responsibility for someone’s decisions and the outcome of them. Another said to only give advice that you’ve been asked for, so I thought it might be important to mention that I literally get about 10 – 20 emails and DMs on social media per day from Bloggers solely looking for advice on blogging and nothing around mental health and the other difficult subjects I’m NOT Disordered has content regarding. So, rest-assured I’m not just being all righteous and big-headed in assuming people will want to hear my tips. However, one thing I want to make really clear is, these ‘tips’ and ‘advice’ really only come from my own experience and they’re things which I believe have helped me and I’m NOT Disordered reach 1.4 million readers (you can read the blog post about that here), so please don’t feel disheartened if something doesn’t seem right for you and your blog because it might even be about taking something and adapting it or editing it to suit your blogging career…
Fake It ‘til You Make It!
I wasn’t
going to start with this motto, but I realised that it kind of sums up the
entire post really and serves as a good introduction. It also really explains what
I was saying about being ‘big-headed’ and ‘righteous’ thinking that I’m good
enough or important enough to give advice on blogging. It’s something I’ve done
many times before (but in different ways), though none of those pieces were
ever written and published without first being requested or influenced by
lovely readers and fellow Bloggers asking for tips and advisory content…
When I started
blogging, I had no real confidence in my writing ability or content creation
skills, mostly because it was a brand-new venture for me: to publicly write
about my mental health. Prior to blogging, the largest time in my writing career
where I really received any ‘feedback’ was when I was putting together short stories
about animals going on adventures for my Nana and my Mum when I was a lot
younger! I remember seeing their smiles and hearing their laughter and I think
that this recognition that writing could influence emotions and responses in those
reading it, stuck with me and is something I’ve held in my mind throughout my
blogging. I think that this is actually a really important quality – to recognise
your blog’s content could be having a huge impact on your readers lives (particularly
their mental health) – because it shows both a realisation and acceptance of
responsibility, as well as an awareness of how careful and conscientious you need
to be in creating and determining all that you publish online. It kind of hints
to the fact that if you’re putting something on your blog then it’s something
you’re passionate about it and something which you feel is worthy of being read
and worthy of accepting whatever impact it has on your readers. It shows you
don’t just publish any old thing and it can leave the impression that your
content is important and meaningful.
My lack
of confidence in I’m NOT Disordered also stemmed from my absolute terror and
panic at the thought of making the details of my mental health so public. From
my first suicide attempt in 2009 until my third one landing me on life support
in 2012, I barely spoke (both personally and on social media) about all of the
relevant bits and pieces to these hugely life-changing events. I didn’t speak
up until after that life support admission to Intensive Care when professionals
decided to section me under the 1983 Mental Health Act and admit me to a specialist
psychiatric hospital over 100 miles away from home and which was defined as
being ‘long-term’ with the ‘average length of admission’ stated as being 12 – 18
months. I was faced with the reality that I had no clue how to lie my way out
of it! Like, how could I come up with a lie that would last that long? A lie
that would explain I was so far away from home and for such a long period of
time. Time when I likely also wouldn’t have much time online. And so, I decided
to go with the honest route and posted a bit of an announcement on Facebook
about how the stigma against mental health had silenced me but that I couldn’t
be any more. The lovely, warm and supportive response I received from my
friends and family (it’s still one of the most popular posts I’ve ever put on
there!) actually left me feeling kind of awful for not trusting them with it sooner!
That instance
really helped bolster some confidence within me to have some sense of assurance
that people do actually care and that I might not face as much judgement as I
had imagined or assumed that I would, and this was obviously so useful when I
started blogging the following year (2013). It was a huge reason why I’m NOT
Disordered was actually, genuinely only ever intended to be just for the
friends and family I had on my private Facebook account! I felt I’d built some
sort of trust with them and I honestly wasn’t really convinced that the rest of
the world would have a similar response if I did target my content more widely.
Word-of-mouth publicity is everything these days though, and when the reader
count grew beyond that of my Facebook ‘friends,’ and I started receiving emails
and comments from people I didn’t know saying how helpful my post had been; I
started to consider whether making things more accessible was a good idea after
all! And before I knew it, I was posting the links to new blog posts on my
Twitter and Instagram accounts (which actually don’t have a huge following) and
then it was like I blinked and I was hosting
a party to celebrate reaching 100,000 readers!
After
reaching that milestone in I’m NOT Disordered’s reader count, I found myself taking
blogging a whole lot more seriously and in doing so, I began looking for
opportunities to better both my blog and my blogging career as separate and
different entities as well as in line with their obviously mutual goal. A lot
of the opportunities I created or thought about – such as media appearances and
collaborations – really involved having some sort of confidence in my blog, its
influence, and its potential. I mean; to get collaborations in the blogging
industry, it often takes for a blogger to actually put themselves out there and
hunt them down! At that time, a lot of the larger organisations – and particularly
fashion and beauty brands – had already worked with a blogger or influencer and
this usually meant one of two things:
1.
They
enjoyed working with that person so much that they’re committed to continuing
the partnership even years down the line.
2.
They
didn’t find working with an influencer or blogger helpful to their sales and publicity
and marketing and so they’re not interested in trying to do that again.
Either
way though, this meant pitching the idea of a collaboration between your own
blog and them took so much confidence because you’d need to explain why working
with you and your blog would be even more beneficial for them so that they’d either
consider working with an additional blogger or they would re-evaluate their
decision not to do it again. To do this, I harnessed the mindset that I really
had nothing to lose by making collaboration pitches, creating my Media Kit (which
you can see on the ‘Contact’
page), and going about everything as though I knew exactly what I was talking
about! Actually, ironically, by doing this; I quite often threw myself into
situations where I sort of ended up backed into a corner in terms of it
becoming quite necessary for me to learn new things so that I did actually
understand something I was pretending to have full awareness of!
As my
reader count and has soared over the years, my confidence in my blog has grown
more and more because I’ve felt almost backed into a corner with it – in a good
way though, obviously! Having over 1.4 million readers now… Well, I just think ‘how
can I play this down?! How can I say that I try my best to create good content
and sometimes a few people will read it?!’ It’s almost like being ‘modest’ would
just look stupid, naïve, and actually; perhaps a little as though I’m fishing
for compliments and praise too…? And so, instead, I recognise that yes, I must
be doing something right because whilst all these people won’t be enjoying my
content, even if you take a ton out of that who might hate what they see/read,
that still leaves I’m NOT Disordered with quite lot of readers! And it still
leaves me grateful for each and every one of them; and I feel it would be unjust
and disrespectful to discount them in any way which could very well come alongside
failing, ignoring, or dismissing to recognise the popularity and success of my
blog.
Stay Humble & Never Forget Where
You Started!
Having
mentioned my confidence levels from the beginning of my blogging career, I
thought that this motto would be a relevant and appropriate next bit to chat
through!
I’m a
huge believer that a blog becoming popular and successful – both in terms of
the number of its readers and the opportunities it inspires for the Blogger – isn’t
purely about it having a really high-quality content. I think that it’s also about
the qualities that the Blogger has as these can really shine through the content,
and being humble, no matter how surreal things get, and always remembering your
‘small’ but important beginning, can be a hugely attractive attribute for your
blog’s content to illustrate and exhibit, or to have as part of your blog’s
atmosphere and reputation.
I feel that
the fact I can very clearly remember creating I’m NOT Disordered is actually
really illustrative of how important my blog is to me. Sadly, due to the trauma
I experienced when I was 15, I have very few memories from when I was younger
and growing up; just the type where you can’t tell if you actually remember
something or if it’s purely that people have told you the story a hundred times
and it’s just that you know it happened. After the abuse, my mental health then
got in the way of me having any real memories and so, there’s a lot of time –
particularly between my first suicide attempt (2009) and being in the
specialist psychiatric hospital after life support (2012) – where it feels
really fuzzy and uncertain. I mean, there’s a lot I can recall, but there’s
also a lot of really important (in my opinion) instances which I don’t remember
and which I only know about because someone has recounted it to me. In all
honesty, it’s quite a sad and embarrassing thing to think about.
Now, during
the two and a half years I was sectioned (under the 1983 Mental Health Act) in
the specialist psychiatric hospital after my third suicide attempt left me on
life support, I remember very little. I think this is actually fairly understandable;
especially in the first year or so, when my mental health was so poorly and I
was still using some really unsafe coping mechanisms – because yes, you can still
self-harm in a psychiatric hospital! – and refusing to really cooperate or
engage with the staff, my medication regime, and the therapeutic activities timetable.
In all honesty, I think I really have around three very solid, clear memories
during those entire two and a half years. These are: going AWOL and ending up
on life support again, literally saving the life of another inpatient, and
starting I’m NOT Disordered. Perhaps the importance and gravity of the first
two, can really put into perspective just how special it is that I remember the
third too!
On
January 6th, 2013, I had a 1:1 with my Key Nurse in the ‘Conference
Room’ where we usually had Ward Round because it was a really long room with a
huge table and a ton of chairs, but it was the only spare room that evening for
us to have our 1:1 in. In our chat, I said something about the abuse, and she told
me that the staff hadn’t been aware of that, so we made a plan… Throughout the
previous two or three years, I had learnt that writing notes and letters to
mental health professionals was sometimes a much easier or much more reliable
way of communicating difficult thoughts, feelings, and experiences to them. So,
knowing this, my Key Nurse and I agreed that I would start writing about the
abuse on an evening and then give the writing to the staff to be read,
discussed, and added to my notes and record.
I
recognised that doing this would put the staff in an improved position to be
able to better help and support me because they would have an increased awareness,
knowledge, and understanding of what I had gone through to help them to
appreciate why I might do the things I did to cope with feeling or thinking the
way I sometimes could. In agreeing to provide the staff with this insight and
information, I also recognised this to be a big turning point in my mental
health journey and thought it was actually a huge step into the path of
recovery. It was these realisations that really inspired my want to have a
means of documenting my progress… At around 6 or 7pm, we were allowed our
Laptops from the ‘Security’ cupboard, and since I was in the 1:1 at that time,
the staff – knowing I asked for it every night – just put it on my bed for me
anyway. So, returning to my hospital room from the chat, I was immediately
greeted with the laptop and almost instinctively, I opened it up and logged on.
Now,
this is the bit that really still baffles me even eleven years later! Without
any consideration or brainstorming (two things which I recommend others do at
this point), I created a blog! I didn’t even think about or have a list of
options to choose from in naming the blog! It was like ‘I’m NOT Disordered’ had
been in my head for years – my Nana always said that everything happens for a
reason and going about starting to blog in this way, seriously made me think
that perhaps it had been my destiny all this time! And I think it is this
notion and feeling that I’ve found a purpose in life by starting to blog, that
has really added to all the reasons why this is such a clear memory. I mean,
for years, I had been convinced that I was put on this earth to commit suicide at
a young age and in a way which would shed light on the failures of mental
health services (I actually blogged about working through this belief in a
Therapy session; you can read it here).
So, to discover that actually, perhaps I was here to do something different
(because at that point, I genuinely didn’t know all that my blog would become!)
was really so thrilling, reassuring, and comforting.
I guess
that this was the one inconsistency in having these instincts around I’m NOT
Disordered; that I honestly had no insight or intuition as to how important and
helpful – not just to me, but to so many others too – it would become. I mean, in
addition to wanting it to be a way of documenting my journey, I recognised that
my blog would also be a really good way of communicating more effectively with
my friends and family who were over 100 miles away from the hospital. It was
one thing to send a lengthy private message on Facebook Messenger or to have an
hour-long phone call, but it was another completely to write a 500-word blog
post about a specific incident on the ward and my thoughts and feelings around
it. It felt like a way to apologise too. For not trusting in all those special,
supportive people in my life until I had no choice but to… And now, I could be
really honest and open just for them. I could illustrate the trust and faith I have
in their kindness, compassion, empathy, and support.
Having a beginning like that, there are numerous instances now where I look back and think ‘would anything have been different if I’d known it was going to become this?’ It’s like they say about hindsight, and I think it’s almost a natural instinct to reflect on things and to wonder whether you would have made a different decision if you’d known all that you know now, back then. So, I wonder; would I have even started blogging if I knew how much time and energy it would require? And of course I would! There’s literally nothing that I have come up against or learnt over the past eleven years that would deter me from blogging and absolutely nothing that has left me thinking ‘why did I start this?'