“If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.”
Toni Morrison
I’m so excited to eventually be able to talk about my brand-new book on I’m NOT Disordered and all because it was finally announced on Gracie’s Way in an article for Halloween (https://www.graciesway.co.uk/2026/10/the-scariest-moment-since-starting.html), with the angle to make it relevant to the date being that it was the scariest thing I’ve done since launching Gracie’s Way (the pet bereavement project I started in January). With the book being very obviously massively inspired – in so many different ways – by Gracie’s Way, it felt only right that it be there that I announce the new book and its title and reveal the cover! But of course, I couldn’t not do content for it on here because there are also so many things that make it relevant to mental health (which is clearly the overarching theme of this blog) so let’s get chatting about one of the largest elements of that: the fact that a huge inspiration for writing this book is the desperation of finding something positive out of something so sad and traumatic...
I’ll try not to go into too much detail here because it’s incredibly likely that you already know the story, but I do get a lot of new readers every day so, for their benefit; let me quickly tell you the story of Gracie – the bunny who inspired the project’s name...
My first rabbit; Pixie (who I blogged about when I first brought her home in 2017, and you can read that first post about her here: https://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2017/09/why-i-now-own-animal-i-used-to.html), was euthanised after five episodes of Gut Stasis in four years because even though she was recovering from them, the Vet said that it was getting harder and harder for her to recover and that she would continue to suffer from it until eventually, it killed her. Now, to me, that’s no quality of life. So, in April 2021, I made the decision to euthanise her. To be honest, the hardest part wasn’t making the decision – because I was that certain it was right – it was going to the Vets with my cat’s best-friend and coming home empty-handed. I felt like a failure. I felt like I’d disappointed her. I felt like I’d let her down.
With that sense of failure in mind, you may understand or appreciate a lot of the reasoning behind some of the comments I made after losing Pixie (I actually blogged about some of my own comments and some from others here: https://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2021/04/some-of-comments-made-in-losing-my.html) such as “I said I had a bad feeling” and “I don’t regret getting Pixie though!” Another of my comments which really relates to the thoughts around the cat I had at the time (Emmy) was “what do I tell Emmy?”
This thought and Emmy’s face was so hard to accept, and I tried to not get a new bunny by thinking it was bonding time for Emmy and I because she was never a cuddly cat but she started being that after losing Luna. As much as I loved it, I knew it was from sadness and grief rather than actually changing and suddenly wanting affection. And I actually wrote a blog post about Emmy’s grief, which you can read here: https://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2021/04/shell-be-missing-her-bestfriend-looking.html. So, with that in mind, I went and got a new bunny; Luna. But unfortunately, they were only together for one year when Emmy was diagnosed with Feline Leukaemia and had to be euthanised and I felt like I was right back at the beginning in having to decide on a new pet. You can read my poem about Emmy’s death here: https://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2022/10/rest-in-peace-my-darling-little-calico.html .
But, once again my current pet got sad and one behaviour Luna started doing was running in circles around the sitting room with the cat tunnel in her mouth. I thought it was cute and funny, but the Vet said it was grief and that Luna was probably able to smell Emmy still on the tunnel and was missing having someone to play with. The Vet then also said she needed a new friend and that she would likely bond with a new rabbit quicker and more easily than a new cat. And so, in January 2023 Gracie came into lives (you can read my blog post about her joining the family here: https://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2023/01/welcome-to-family-gracie.html)!
Gracie and Luna bonded so well over the following few months, so well that they were mostly in the same room together either cuddled up to each other or washing each other and I was alone in another room. Whilst I was incredibly happy for Luna and so confident that I’d made the right decision in getting a new rabbit instead of a cat, I was filled with loneliness when I noticed I hardly ever saw them and so, in May of 2023, I brought my cat; Ruby home (because of her, I launched a series of blog posts in collaboration with Cats Protection, you can read the introductory post to the series here: https://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2023/05/hereforthekittens-series-intro-managing.html).
She ended up being good friends with the bunnies but was also incredibly attached to me – and three years later, she definitely still is! Like, to the point where even the Cleaner who comes every so often has commented on it because Ruby and I will be on the bed and she’ll be sound asleep but when I get up to go to the kitchen or something, she’ll get up and follow me! And with Emmy being very aloof and fairly unaffectionate – or at least choosy about when she was affectionate, I always thoroughly enjoy Ruby’s attachment to me.
The three of them were together for three years before, on around October 28th 2025, I noticed wet stools outside of the bunny’s litter trays and having lost Pixie to Gut Stasis, I had learnt all the signs and knew that wet stools was a huge one. If you’re wondering why, I actually posted an article and video over on Gracie’s Way that is all about the disease: https://www.graciesway.co.uk/2026/03/what-gut-stasis-looks-like-guide-video.html) but despite having missed the symptoms the first time Pixie had an episode; I did my research. Except, the fact that neither Gracie nor Luna showed any other symptoms of Stasis, I couldn’t tell who was doing it and that meant I couldn’t get help for whichever bunny it was.
With that 24 – 48 hours thing in mind, it made complete sense that just four days later, Gracie started showing additional symptoms – she became lethargic, sat huddled in the hutch (which is always open and is just so they have their own little safe place and which they do because they’re in pain and discomfort in their tummy), didn’t respond to her name nor food nor Luna going in and licking her head. So, I called the Vets and a Receptionist – who I shouldn’t have listened to because I should have advocated for Gracie until a Vet said she would be ‘fine’ – said, “she’ll be fine overnight, we’ll see her in the morning.”
When I got up the following morning and heard a scuffle under the bed, I had visions of Luna and Gracie being under there and me feeling stupid for panicking and causing a fuss... But Gracie wasn’t there. So, I walked past the sitting room to the kitchen and looked in the hutch and then behind the washing machine (which she had been behind for at least three hours before I went to bed) and then walked back to the sitting room and found her cold, lifeless body lying outstretched the floor. I actually nearly stood on her; that’s how certain I was that she wouldn’t be there like that. And I’d walked straight past her to get to the kitchen because I was that convinced, she would still be in one of those places.
Then Luna came running – or hopping – through and started nudging Gracie’s body with her nose and I turned and Ruby was sat just behind me watching sadly from the corridor. And my most instant thought – and this is honestly something I’ve never said or told anyone – wasn’t to get help or to tell someone (which is what I’ve said it was with other people and in other blog posts – like the first one after her death that had the title ‘Goodbye Gracie | A Therapeutic Post Full of My Thoughts & Feelings After Losing My Youngest Bunny’ and you can read it here: https://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2025/11/goodbye-gracie-therapeutic-post-full-of.html)! It was actually; ‘what the hell have I done?’
Of course, I knew I hadn’t ‘caused’ Gracie’s death – that wasn’t what I meant. I meant that what I had ‘done’ was actually nothing! I hadn’t argued against the Receptionist even though I was absolutely convinced and certain that Gracie needed to see a Vet that day. But I didn’t have the confidence I have finally developed these days. And it was about being confident enough to speak up against the professionals who were supposed to know more – and better – than me. These people were meant to know what they were talking about. They were supposed to be right. And if they weren’t then they shouldn’t say anything. If you don’t know the answer, you stay quiet. If someone asked me something to do with blogging and even though that’s my career, if I didn’t know the answer; I’d be honest and tell them I didn’t know and then I’d try to find someone who had the answer. And, to be honest, (and this absolutely isn’t something I’d expect or ask of others – it's just something I would do) after finding the answer to the person’s question, I’d spend all my time learning about what it was. So that if I was asked again, I knew.
So, on hearing that history and my journey with bunnies and then that big, sad, horrible, trauma of finding my little Gracie, watching her best-friend nudging her body desperately trying to wake her up, and my feelings of being a failure; can you understand – or at the very least appreciate – why I was so desperate to discover something positive or inspiring from it?
Honestly, I did struggle at first when I recognised that I needed to find something like that because I was so worried that people would think that I wasn’t really sad about the loss of Gracie and that could very easily and understandably lead to thoughts that I mustn’t have loved her as much as I say I do. I realised though, that I needed to push those concerns aside and recognise that it’s my life and it’s me that’s experiencing this so I should have the best judgement on what will be helpful. And surely, if someone really cares about me, they will want me to do what I think will help...?
So, the positive I found – Gracie's Way!
I was at an event in Leeds last year with Waythrough and their Board of Trustees and we were visiting the building for a service they have there when one of their staff explained they’d planted a tree and added notes etc to it to remember different people who had died through drug addiction (as well as mental health, Waythrough also support people with addictions). And I decided to chip in and said with the organisation’s ultimate message being about the fact that mental health and addiction can come hand-in-hand for a lot of people, would it be a good idea to plant a tree at one of their supported housing services and put names of people who have died by suicide on there? Everyone agreed this was a good idea then, I realised how comfortable I felt opening up to those in the room and I added what had happened in finding Gracie and I asked if there’s ever any work done around pet bereavement. It was a ‘no.’
So, I decided to take my idea, and run with it! On the train home, I used Chat GPT to think of a name that would include ‘Gracie’ for a pet bereavement project and after choosing ‘Gracie’s Way,’ I began creating a logo! I then worked hard to create a document for the staff who’d led the event in Leeds at the service and asked what our next steps would be to having Waythrough not only endorse the project but also use the resources I was going to create for it. He ended up coming up with a ton of different people we’d need to approach/get permission from/meet with and I ended up saying that perhaps it would be quicker to get it off the ground if I just ran with it myself and then approached different people in Waythrough – but mainly Communications and Marketing – to get endorsements etc. He agreed and I began creating the resources and website etc.
I spent the whole of December creating all the resources for both bereaved owners and professionals, the website content – including having a couple of articles ready to publish with the website so that it wasn’t blank when it launched) and one month worth of content for the Instagram of Gracie’s Way (@GraciesWayUK) decided to launch Gracie’s Way on January 9th, 2026, because it would have been Gracie’s third Birthday and I wanted the launch to be on a special, meaningful date.
Since it was the one-year anniversary of finding Gracie not too long ago, I actually posted some content about all the big things that have happened since then, you can read it here: https://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2026/11/my-life-throughout-last-year-since.html. It included talking about what happened to Gracie and then recounting getting Evie (the bunny after Gracie), starting Gracie’s Way, having my knee surgery, getting Tillie (my bunny after Evie), going to London for Waythrough’s brand-new ten-year Strategy Launch (the Way Ahead), spending two days in Manchester with the Waythrough Board of Trustees, and my radio appearance on BBC Radio Newcastle, and finally; getting Nala (my youngest bunny who I got after Tillie died). Putting that blog post together was actually really enlightening – I won’t say ‘fun’ because there were some really sad moments in this last year (particularly losing Evie and Tillie and all the impact my knee surgery had on my mental health) but I’m proud that I’ve managed to get through all of them and get to this point in my journey of writing my new book which – in case you missed it in the title of this blog pots or on the Gracie’s Way content for the reveal/announcement of it on Halloween – is called The Gracie’s Way Book: A Mental Health Companion for Pet Owners.
Writing or creating this new book, definitely stemmed from my desperation to find something positive and productive after losing Gracie. Honestly? As incredible as Gracie’s Way is doing with its website views (over 80,000 now) and having a number of Volunteers actually working for me on the project, it feels like there will never be enough things to make losing Gracie – but particularly finding her dead – feel like something positive has come from it! Like, I accept and recognise what everyone says about me making her proud and her having this amazing legacy that’s resulted in helping so many other people with their own pet bereavement and grief; but that isn’t everything. It means a hell of a lot, but until I feel I’ve done ‘enough’ I’m going to keep working hard in her name.