One positive, I think, people get from reading I’m NOT Disordered is a feeling of comfort. A reduction in thoughts of loneliness; confirmation that it is not only yourself feeling the way you or having the thoughts that you may have. I’ve found that feeling alone can be a huge catalyst to thoughts of self-harm and even, suicide.

The one problem now is that I’m in recovery!

I rarely have dark moments and if I do then there is never thoughts of suicide; occasionally thoughts of self-harm, but never to die. The only real ‘comfort’ I can provide is that once upon a time, I went through these things. I self-harmed many times. I attempted suicide many times. I was sectioned, hospitalised, and put through intense therapies to find myself in recovery.

When I talk about the struggles, it’s in the past tense. For those who may find this less helpful… It goes without saying that I’ve gotten to know lots of people from inpatient services and, inevitably, some of these people are still in a bad place. When one of these friends, Nadine Appleby published a poem on her Facebook page, I immediately asked if I could publish it on I’m NOT Disordered.

I hope that it brings comfort to some, and enlightenment to others…
Amidst pain and fear, she’s tightly bound,
Completely shrouded, no escape to be found,
Memories flickering, thoughts screaming,
Not one thing, she can do, is intervening.

Vacant eyes, crimson tears, a shattered soul,
A heart, that won’t ever be whole,
Tiredness, that sleep cannot cure,
No doubt inside, now she’s so sure.

Too much of a struggle, her mind too worn,
Promise, commitments between which she is torn,

The kindest outstretched hands, no longer enough,
For her, just existing has become too tough.

So useless, so worthless, so pathetic and weak,
Lose and alone, she will no longer speak,
No reason, no faith, belief nor hope,
Without these things she has no scope.

Indefinitie peace, to be forever free,
Knowing her future, will never be,
She’s certain, it’s time now to disembark,
From life, an existence that’s become too dark.

Nadine featured in a set of videos with the mental health charity MIND for those struggling over the Christmas period and beyond...

You can also see more from Nadine on her Twitter here
Blogger Template Created by pipdig