[https://www.pinterest.co.uk/aimeswilson/lovely-things/]
One
positive, I think, people get from reading I’m NOT Disordered is a feeling of
comfort. A reduction in thoughts of loneliness; confirmation that it is not only
yourself feeling the way you or having the thoughts that you may have. I’ve
found that feeling alone can be a huge catalyst to thoughts of self-harm and
even, suicide.
The
one problem now is that I’m in recovery!
I
rarely have dark moments and if I do then there is never thoughts of suicide; occasionally
thoughts of self-harm, but never to die. The only real ‘comfort’ I can provide
is that once upon a time, I went through these things. I self-harmed many
times. I attempted suicide many times. I was sectioned, hospitalised, and put
through intense therapies to find myself in recovery.
When
I talk about the struggles, it’s in the past tense. For those who may find this
less helpful… It goes without saying that I’ve gotten to know lots of people
from inpatient services and, inevitably, some of these people are still in a
bad place. When one of these friends, Nadine Appleby published a poem on her
Facebook page, I immediately asked if I could publish it on I’m NOT Disordered.
Amidst pain and fear, she’s tightly bound,
Completely
shrouded, no escape to be found,
Memories
flickering, thoughts screaming,
Not
one thing, she can do, is intervening.
Vacant
eyes, crimson tears, a shattered soul,
A
heart, that won’t ever be whole,
Tiredness,
that sleep cannot cure,
No
doubt inside, now she’s so sure.
Too
much of a struggle, her mind too worn,
Promise,
commitments between which she is torn,
The kindest outstretched hands, no longer enough,
The kindest outstretched hands, no longer enough,
For
her, just existing has become too tough.
So
useless, so worthless, so pathetic and weak,
Lose
and alone, she will no longer speak,
No
reason, no faith, belief nor hope,
Without
these things she has no scope.
Indefinitie
peace, to be forever free,
Knowing
her future, will never be,
She’s
certain, it’s time now to disembark,
From
life, an existence that’s become too dark.
Nadine featured in a set of videos with the mental health charity MIND for those struggling over the Christmas period and beyond...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLrE9NBwxRY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWgq3D8dC2I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-ofKwmK47I
You can also see more from Nadine on her Twitter here