Today's been strange! I didn't get to sleep until about 3am this morning because I was filling in one of the care plans! Some of the questions were ridiculous (e.g. How do I leave hospital? my answer was 'through the door and over the fence' Did someone explain this to you? my answer was 'no, I found out for myself') and some were really difficult and made me think (e.g. who knows the most about you? and I explained that different people know different things about me so no one really knows the full me). So I was feeling quite tired but it was bearable when I first got up and I agreed to go to play badminton at the local sports centre with two other girls from our ward and three from the other wards with four staff. It was such a good laugh when we kept missing the shuttlecock and when one of the staff kicked his foot in the air and his shoe flew off and hit me! But then I started getting too tired and when I'm tired, I struggle more mentally because I haven't got the energy to fight off any urges to self-harm or to argue against the voices. So, as soon as we got back to the ward, I went for a lie down, had lunch and had a quick snooze for half an hour before we went up to group upstairs.
The care plans got me really excited talking about my ideas for the future when we did the care plan for 'feasible plans.' I explained that being here has made me feel like I'm living alone and I'd be worried I'd feel like I was going backwards and becoming more dependant by moving back in with my Mum. I feel I've only been at home as long as I have because I've been so poorly, it would've been dangerous for me to have lived alone and I was barely at home (because I was in hospital so much) that it didn't really matter where my address was. So we talked about supported accommodation but I'd definitely want it to be back where I'm from so I was still near my Mum. By the time we'd finished, it was tea time then after a bit of a giddy Reflection (we all seemed really giggly and easily distracted), I had a really long, lovely phone-call with my Mum! I told her about my ideas for when I get discharged and she said she supported me with whatever I decided to do and that I'll always have a room at home! It's so lovely because I've put her through so much these past three years and I completely deserve to have lost her trust yet I haven't! Or at least, I don't think I have!
