What a day! I've had the good, I've had the bad, and I've had the God damn ugly!
This morning, my heart rate was 149 and I felt like I'd had no sleep whatsoever. After Morning Meeting I spoke to one my favourite nurses because after discovering she and another member of staff had entered into a relationship, I'd told her that she wasn't the person I thought she'd been. But, I thought it over and we went into the Quiet Room and I explained that I'd realised that she was still that person, and rather than taking the stance I had took that the relationship wasn't going to work out and wouldn't be worth all the drama, I realised that her being the person I thought she was meant that this relationship was pretty damn amazing and I apologised for ever doubting them. She gave me a hug and offered to take me to the medical Hospital for my blood test.
I had my DBT 1:1 later that day and we were talking about how I felt hopeless... "you could drop a cup on the floor and only the handle might snap off, so you glue it back on and you can use the cup again. Or you could drop a cup on the floor and it could smash into a million pieces and can never be fixed. I'm that second cup." The point was, people can be put through the same traumas but they will never react the same. Some people can go through the same fall and not everyone will be able to get back up again. I thought it was ironic too since smashed cups were often my sharps of choice.
Anyway, the nurse started describing her relationship and I said that I knew an inkling of how she felt as I believe I feel that way towards a boy but he doesn't like me back. "It'll be like Romeo and Juliet, only Juliet will kill herself for Romeo and he won't have a clue." I ended up in tears saying that I didn't want to die alone!