Tuesday, 25 March 2014

A Letter to my new Named Nurse

Dear ______,
I figured it'll be easier for you to read this than to sit down and have the time to talk it through.
So, I want to thank you for Friday. I don't know why but I assumed you would be my main support. In the end though, I really appreciated that you sort of took a step back (not too far) and let the Doctor be the main one. It meant that you being there meant even more to me because you didn't have to be. It was lovely too because I think a lot of staff wouldn't acknowledge that another member of staff might be better placed in offering support. I also liked how you lightened the mood and lifted the awkwardness on the way there.
Now, Saturday. Admitting to you that I hadn't been completely honest reminded me a lot of similar conversations with my old Named Nurse in that I felt genuinely rotten for letting you down. But I think it says a lot that when I finally decided to tell staff, I chose you.
The bits that upset me the most were when I asked to speak with you and was told you'd asked for me to speak with someone else, and that you left without sorting things out or even letting me know you were finishing. The thing is, I know these things probably sound irrational and like unreasonable demands but I can't help the way I feel. I think though, that the staff who are the most important to me are also the ones I seem to have the highest standards and expectations for/of. And I'd like to think I'm no longer one of those people who demands you drop everything and see to me. This is my point though; I'm also no longer in the stage where I need regular 1:1s because there's always something going on in my head you need to know about - things are quiet now, so I can be too. I just want you to know that maybe when I do seem a bit demanding or asking for chats then there's a reason to it and it means it is that bit more upsetting when I'm left feeling let-down and unsupported.
I have faith in you though, I believe you can finish the work my old Named Nurse started. And the fact that out of all of the horrible stuff that was said to me by staff that day it was that moment you were too busy to speak with me that stuck, reassures me that we will make a good team!