Saturday, 14 June 2014

Dear Aimee,

you know all those moments...

when your heart has hurt so much you thought it was breaking
when you've cried so much you left a puddle on the floor
when you've bled so much you felt faint
when you've drank so much you've wanted to jump
when you've swallowed so many pills you pass out
when you've felt so lonely you've found company in the voices
when you've looked at the floor and felt outnumbered by the rabbits
when you've wished it were you
when you've thought they'd be better without you
when you've wanted to die rather than hurt
when you're so confused you don't know where you are
when you've been restrained to save your life
when you've missed so many meals you've hoped you'd disappear
when you've felt so let-down you wonder why you fight it

? Yeah, those. They will be so worth it...

when you'd rather feel hurt than be numb
when you cry instead of cutting
when you no longer have to fight suicidal moments
when you drink for fun and not to forget
when you finally have peace in your head 
when your mind is only occupied by you
when the only rabbits you see are the ones that everyone else can see
when you are grateful it wasn't you
when you don't have a set amount of hours with your best-friend
when you can just 'pop in' to see your Mum
when you don't need medication to make you happy
when you want to be in the here and now
when you hold onto others to keep them in your life
when you realise that your dress size doesn't affect your happiness

Because finally you can sit there and say 'this is why.' This is why you worked so hard. This is why they all had faith in you. This is why you kept trying. This is why you didn't die when you wanted to.
And for the rest of your life (and it's going to be a long one) you will know that you have earned your place here on this earth. You worked damn hard for it and deserve to enjoy every single minute.

Love yourself,
Aimee