So, the big news of the moment is that this morning I got my discharge date!
On my way back from Home Leave today, I was thinking about all of the changes I've made... I used to love the thought of me killing myself and everyone blaming the person who hurt me. Everyone thinking it was his fault. But now? He's not that important! Yes, he took a piece of my life but that's all it was; ONE piece! And that would be a massive amount if I died so young but having a long future ahead of me means that the piece? Is tiny. Miniscule, compared to how much is ahead.
It's also now important to me that people know I have done more. I am not just my trauma and my reaction. I'm not just BPD. I'm not just the sectioned girl in bedroom 11. I'm not just the 'poorly' friend or family member. I'm not just the girl with scars.
I don't want to die and have my Mum just remember finding me that time in the bathroom. I don't want to die and have the girls on the ward reminiscing about all those times I jumped over the fence and managed to sneak paracetamol to my room. I want to be remembered for more than my ill mental health and amount of scars and overdoses.
When I finally pass away; I want people to be saying "wow that girl overcame so much" and "what an inspiration." I want to be remembered for helping others in getting help quicker than I could. I want to be remembered for helping minimize the stigma of mental health. I want to my remembered as the Co-Founder of YDM. As a successful blogger. And ultimately, as a good person.
Whilst I was on home leave 27th-29th, I attended an interview at a college near to where I'll be going to on September 15th. It went well and I was offered an unconditional place on their Counselling course.