So, I've had this conversation with a few people recently and I thought it was something I should maybe blog about in case some of you guys are having a similar dilemma.
So, the beautiful thing about BPD is the mood changes. It seems that as with some disorders and conditions, there are aspects of it that don't change no matter how much medication and therapy you throw at it or what stage of recovery you're deemed as being in. I think the bit that changes is the way you cope and deal with things. So, my mood changes; it dips to the point where the safest thing for me to do is to take meds and sleep, and it goes up to the point where I'm energetic and giggly. But if I don't self-harm when I'm down and I don't act impulsive when I'm high then there's no problem? Well, I think professionals are happier at least.
The thing that I've been wondering recently though, is what is the right thing to do when you feel happy? My problem; is tiredness. So my therapist was saying that I need stop pushing myself to do so much when I'm happy. But the thing is, if I blow off opportunities while I'm happy and safe enough to take them, then I'll regret it when I'm not. I feel I should make the most of the good. And then I get told why I always expect that it'll go bad again, that I shouldn't think so negatively. I'm not. I'm thinking rationally and reasonably. It will get bad again. Because that, is the aforementioned beauty of BPD.
I guess I just have to get the balance right so that I'm not doing so much when I'm happy that when I'm down, I'm really tired and it exacerbates it. Whilst also, not having any regrets.
To tackle my bad sleeps (nightmares etc) my therapist gave me this little beauty, and I just wanted to give it a mention because since using them, I've literally had one bad night! I know that, like most things, it might not work so well for others but I'd give it a go...
You can buy this product here
Also, if you read this and you're struggling to get the balance right too, please leave a comment below or drop me a tweet or an e'mail: aimeewilson@live.co.uk and we can support one another in discovering the balance. Funny that the history of 'Borderline' came from the fact we are thought of as being on the borderline of sanity and insanity. We are on NO middle-ground. There is no such thing as middle-ground in our lives. So telling us to get the balance right? Discovering we need to do that... Is a challenge.
