So I was having a ‘Bloggers Day Out’ with Marty from
gumonmyshoe.com in the Life Science Centre and he mentioned that he’d taken some online courses with one
being about self-sabotaging and it got me thinking about the topic…
As someone who has been known to regularly mess up good things in
her life, I think I might be qualified in giving you all my own two top tips
that’ve helped me to stop the behavior of self-sabotaging.
I learnt these skills after reaching the lowest point in my mental
health; in the years after being admitted to Intensive Care following an
overdose. Spending two and a half years in Cygnet Hospital Bierley meant that I
had professional support in learning these skills so in writing this post, my hope
is that it’ll avoid others having to reach that point too before they can learn
these:
1.
Never doubt your capabilities
As a blogger, I’m regularly praised for my writing and told I’m
good at it, but I used to find it hard to see for myself. The complimentary
feedback actually ended up making me reluctant to write because I worried that
others might think I was showing off! As soon as I realized that writing made
me happy and that it had such a huge, positive impact on my mental health, I
made the decision that I wouldn’t let anything stop me from writing again. I
wouldn’t, and I couldn’t. After reaching such a low point in my mental health I
learnt that I couldn’t afford to take away anything that gave me even the
slightest bit of joy. Realizing that writing was a passion and not a chore, I
managed to turn my thinking so that when I received positive comments, I allowed
them to bolster me up; encourage me to continue and provided me with the chance
to improve my work through studying Creative Writing at Bradford College, and completing
various online courses with Future Learn (15% discount code: Aimee_Wilson_15). There
are still opportunities or ideas that’ll come up these days that I think I’m
incapable of doing and I’ll be reluctant to even try because I’m convinced, I’ll
fail. But I’ve learnt to voice my fears to my biggest supporters who can then
reassure me and encourage me to pursue things anyway. And when I get through
challenging work, the feeling of accomplishment never gets tired.
2.
Practice self-soothing skills
One of the greatest skills I learnt in undergoing Dialectical Behaviour Therapy was the art of self-soothing and the importance it holds in
being mentally well. Being kind to yourself shouldn’t be as hard as it is but
breaking through the struggle makes it even more rewarding. Kindness to
yourself can come in the form of such a variety of things: taking a bath, doing
breathing exercises, eating chocolate, spending time with your kitten, playing
a computer game, having some retail therapy… everyone is different, and no one
should be judged for what makes them happy e.g. calling someone who likes doing
their make-up, shallow. Having some ‘me time’ can be the greatest distraction
when you’re on the self-sabotaging train! You can’t self-sabotage while you’re
self-soothing; instead, it provides you with the chance to actually realize
that you deserve a place on this earth and you deserve comfort, and fun, and
love, and happiness.