“At
times it is what we do not say, or not saying a thing, that says a lot about
us.”
Mokokoma
Mokhonoana
I actually really struggled to find a quote for this post, and it made me worry that it was because it’s a really negative topic – complaining – and that made me worry that perhaps it’s something that really shouldn’t be the centre of an entire blog post… If you know me as a Blogger, then you’ll know that I’m all about being honest and keeping things real; and so, inspired by a previous post (which you can read here) this feels like a subject I should cover because – let’s be honest – it’s no great rarity for professionals (not exclusively psychiatric staff) to be in the wrong in some way; especially when it comes to a mental health related situation…
The Cause for The Complaint
With
this post being about making a complaint, I won’t spend too much time
attempting to talk about all the possible scenarios that might give a person
motivation and reason to make the complaint. I will, however, talk about the
three incidents I’ve been in recently that have caused my previous three
complaints (I blogged about two of them here)…
1.
When
I was last sectioned in February 2023, I was admitted to a local psychiatric
hospital, and it was honestly one of the worst admissions I’ve ever experienced
– and that’s kind of saying a lot because I’ve been sectioned a huge number of
times! And when I say ‘worst;’ that wasn’t because it was harsh on my mental
health and that I was really poorly for the duration of it; it was that the
general care on the ward was so incredibly poor. I mean, it varied from not
being given all my medication to having the infection in my sutures completely
ignored and dismissed. The number of times my Mum had to call them left me
feeling so patronised that I wasn’t being regarded as an actual adult with
thoughts and feelings just because I was sectioned! So, once I was discharged
ten days later, I called CQC to raise a concern and made a formal complaint to
the Trust responsible for the hospital.
2.
After
being told by my GP to attend A&E for IV antibiotics, my suicidal thoughts
and feelings were so prominent that I was debating not going in the hope that I
would die from the infection. So, I ended up calling the Crisis Team, but the
call handler – who I’ll call ‘J’ – failed to ask me why I was calling and when
I still hadn’t had a call back three hours later, I called again and when I
pointed out that if she had asked me why I was calling, maybe I would have been
called back sooner, her response was; “well you never tell me why you’re
calling. You always just say you want to speak to a Nurse.” Fortunately, having
felt a sense of foul treatment, I had recorded that second call and so, feeling
like J had held my past against me, I was motivated to make a formal complaint
to the Trust responsible for my local Crisis Team.
3.
After
having received a letter and call from the member of staff who had been
appointed to investigate that first complaint with the Crisis Team, he put a
lot of focus on the fact that all Call Handlers were being strictly instructed
to always ask callers why they’re ringing. So, when another Call Handler – who
I’ll call ‘N’ – failed to ask me and once again, I ended up ringing back after
hours of not receiving a call back and pointed this failing out to her. Her
response was “ok.” And I kind of tutted and felt in total shock before saying
“do you even care?!” To which she asked “well… do you?” Her attitude and the
fact it implied that the Call Handlers had clearly taken in absolutely nothing
when being instructed to always ask a caller the reason for their call;
resulted in me putting in another complaint to the same Trust.
Just to
kind of… be clear; since my first interaction with this Trust in 2009, those
three experiences I just talked about, were actually the majority of complaints
I’ve had to put in against their services in that entire time! I’d say, if
anything, the majority of any complaints I’ve had to make over the years, has
been with my local Police Force for their stigmatised and discriminatory views
on people in a mental health crisis. And so, with that in mind, I obviously
still use my mental health NHS Trust, I still have an appreciation for them,
and I still work with and respect their amazing Communications team and their
fantastic Chief Executive! I think it’s all about recognising that these
failures aren’t a majority sort of thing… These staff – particularly the two
from the Crisis Team – are in the minority and so, I believe that the Trust is
still trustworthy and still has the potential to be helpful for myself and
others.
Coping With The Immediate Aftermath
I think
that one of the most challenging elements to coping in the aftermath of an
instance that is complaint-worthy is the feeling or belief that other staff
from the same organisation or team, are going to ‘group together.’ The concern
that they will have each other’s back and might be reluctant to speak or meet
with you because you’ve had that instance with their colleagues. It can leave
you feeling like there’s no professional to really turn to because there can be
a very valid worry that even if you were to ring another team or staff member,
there’s a risk you’ll be asked why you’re ringing them and not whoever has done
bad by you so they’ll end up knowing and that might (though it obviously
shouldn’t!) impact their thoughts and feelings on you and influence the way you
are treat by them.
Also,
telling them what other staff have said or done, can give them the opportunity
to support, defend them, or make excuses for them. This can be really
infuriating and condescending. It’s hard to feel that you want to tell someone
something has happened, and then after you have, they act like they were there
and seem to feel entitled to respond as though they were. And this – the idea
that another professional might go on to treat you poorly too – can end up being
an even worse thought than the idea of trying to cope with everything by
yourself. It can even be worse than feeling that you then have to determine
someone or somewhere else you can turn to instead for help and support with
your mental health!
Here's
some more thoughts and advice on coping with complaint-worthy incidents…
Deciding To Make A Complaint
Whilst
I will very obviously be including something around pros and cons in terms of
deciding whether to make a complaint against the professional who has failed or
done wrong by you in some way; I wanted to first make it clear that thinking of
the benefits and the negative consequences to making a complaint isn’t all
there is to it in the process of making the decision. There’s so much more to
it.
I mean,
firstly, for me; I’ve thought about the fundamental reason as to why I want to
do it – do I want an apology? Do I want for someone more senior to know what
their staff have done or said? Or do I want for the professional to face a
punishment or some kind of consequence for their actions? And I believe that recognising
what you want to get from making a complaint – and establishing your
expectations if you were to do it – can be really essential in so far as determining
your decision at these huge, important crossroads.
In all
honesty, there was an occasion where I wanted a professional to be fired for
what they had/hadn’t done! But I recognised that perhaps I only felt that way
because it had happened to me, and that no one else – especially a complete
stranger or someone who wasn’t really involved in my life – would agree that
the person should be punished to such an extreme. There are some instances
where the impact of it can be more about a personal side to it in that someone
who wasn’t involved in the situation in any way, might struggle to comprehend
how anyone in it – even the professional! – is feeling about it. And it’s kind
of like what people say when you’re watching a movie and you’re screaming at a
character to run away or to call the Police and you’re convinced that if you
were in that situation that’s what you’d do; but really, there can be no
certainty in that. You can’t really foretell or predict how you’ll respond to a
situation unless you’re in it. And this actually becomes so relevant to
complaints because it’s worth considering how a person investigating the
complaint might view the situation. However, in response to this, perhaps it’s
worth really thinking through what you can do to ensure that such a person has
a good an understanding as possible into how you feel, what you’re thinking,
and how you’ve responded to the incident. Like, would it be possible to write a
letter with your point of view? Or discuss it in a phone call?
I’d
like to think that little bit about worrying an outsider will feel a particular
way and then thinking how you can change that, is a good little example of the
importance of thinking around things when it comes to complaints. That, if you
come across a hurdle in your path of making a decision both to complain or not
to, it’s always good to think about ways over it or around it before finally
making your mind up. Don’t let what might seem a huge challenge at first
glance, be the deciding-factor in this important decision-making process because
doing so, can come back to bite you when you later realise there were
alternative routes that might have made you feel more confident and comfortable
than backing down.
One of
the largest factors in my eventual decision as to whether or not to make a
complaint against a professional, has been my passion, determination, and
dedication to help others. I don’t want anyone to go through the terrible things
that I have and that is especially true in so far as professionals doing wrong
by me. I mean, there have honestly been multiple times in the past where my
mental health was so fragile and vulnerable that it was easily influenced into
becoming unsafe, so I often felt that if a professional made a bad comment or
did something wrong, it became a direct impact and cause for me to self-harm. Whilst
I now recognise the importance of responsibility around issues like that
(something that I’ll talk about next), I think that it’s equally important to
recognise that I had limited coping skills – well, I had no safe coping
skills!
Anything
and everything that went wrong in my life and that made me feel bad in some way
– whether that be a death, a knock to my confidence, or a disappointment – self-harm
was like my go-to coping method. And so, with that in mind, it seems almost
natural or predictable that if a professional did something which I believed to
be wrong, I would become unsafe because I would be so upset, angry, and just
generally feeling full of overwhelming emotions. And it is this – the possible
response a service user or patient might have to a professional’s wrong-doing –
that motivates me to do all that I can to prevent that professional doing the
same thing to another person. A person who might not be able to be saved from
their response in the way that I was in ICU.
When I
used to help my local mental health Trust and my local Police force provide
mental health training to the new recruits in the Police force, a point I always
wanted to make in each session was that if they attend a mental health crisis
like standing on a ledge, their actions and their attitude hold the potential
to talk the person into coming away and bringing them to safety, or actually provide
them with more cause and reason to jump. Whilst I recognise that this can be a
hugely intimidating responsibility and that some professionals (not just the
Police) can literally be lifesaving, they have willingly joined that career and
so, dealing with whatever is thrown their way in their role, is on them to
manage. And I say this because something I’ve experienced from professionals
when I’ve been in a crisis and it’s taken multi-service involvement, I’ve been
accused of being responsible for the entire situation. Especially, where the
organisations have had a disagreement, a miscommunication, or when things are
just getting tense and stressful amongst them. They should not hold it against the
person in crisis – because it is not their fault that the professional is in
that position. If mental health services and professionals want service users
to take responsibility for their actions, perhaps they should lead by example.
In
connection with that, another motivation I’ve experienced as a reason to put in
a complaint against a professional’s wrongdoing is simply based on
responsibility. Now, when I first became poorly with my mental health in 2009,
I took no responsibility for my coping mechanisms, actions/behaviours, and
attitude. If I self-harmed or was rude to someone and they asked me why I had
done so, I would always blame someone or something else. I’d say that I had
only ended up in hospital because such-and-such said this or what’s-her-name did
that! And, ironically, the people – or Team – to get me out of that
thought-process and mindset, were actually my local Crisis Team! They made so
many decisions based on their desperate urge to encourage that I take
responsibility and yes, sometimes I think the actions they took to drill this
into me were wrong and ill-timed, ultimately – and obviously – they hit home.
Of all
the difficulties you face in taking responsibility for your behaviour – because
let’s face it; no matter how right it is to do so, it isn’t easy by any means –
I think the worst one I have experienced has been when professionals
(especially staff of the Crisis Team) have either refused or neglected to take
responsibility themselves. For their own actions, attitude, and decisions. It’s
incredibly challenging to feel that these professionals have preached
responsibility to so many service users, but then they haven’t had the decency,
respect, or compassion to behave in the same exact way they’re lecturing others
to!
Now,
pros and cons! Each of the three bits I’ve just gone through – around your
expectations, protecting others, and taking responsibility – can play a part in
you considering the benefits and negatives to making a complaint. I mean,
wouldn’t it be ideal if your complaint resulted in the professional admitting
to their wrong-doing, taking responsibility for their actions, apologising for
the impact it has had on you, and learning from it in a way that could avoid it
happening to anyone else? But is that 100% realistic? It should be(!), but sadly,
it isn’t.
So, in
thinking up your pros and cons – if you decide to do that – it’s best to play
devil’s advocate. To think of both the absolute worse-case scenarios that could
come from your complaint, as well as the perfect and ideal response. Then, when
you have that list; sometimes neither column will be longer than the other, in
which case, to choose whether to make the complaint, it can be a good idea to
just consider if all the cons happened, how would you cope? If you think you
would be just fine despite the professional denying anything even happened or
admitting to it but providing an excuse, then what’s the harm in making the
complaint? If, however, you think that those possibilities could be really destabilising
for your safety and your mental health, perhaps it isn’t worth the risk?
Another
exercise you could consider doing with your list of pros and cons, would be to
talk it through with someone else. And, I think it doesn’t even necessarily
have to be someone who knows the ins and outs of the situation… in some ways,
it can be better to speak with a person who doesn’t know so much detail because
it’ll allow them to be more removed and more able to give an outsider’s perspective
on everything. You know, sometimes if you talk to a parent or best-friend about
something that might be an issue they have the potential to disagree with you,
your stance/opinion on the topic, or your actions around it? And sometimes don’t
you get the impression that they’re on your side just because it’s you and because
of your relationship together? It’s like ‘I’ll always be on your Team.’
Admittedly, I don’t like confrontations – especially with best-friends – so I
do love that attitude and I think it’s something I’m slightly guilty of doing
myself as a best-friend, but I think I’d prefer for a friend or family member to
be honest and upfront in voicing any disagreement with my thoughts, feelings,
and actions.
In
talking to others about such a situation, a hugely understandable reason to actually
be reluctant to do so, is the negative – almost instinctual – connotations the
word ‘complain’ has. I think it’s fair to say that when you tell someone you’re
“putting in a complaint,” the most popular or frequent response from anyone is
to give an eye roll or do a very quiet groan – or, if they don’t know you very
well, they might just change the topic of conversation entirely! And I think
that this attitude and response is mostly to do with the fact that a fair few
people have the attitude that if something happens, they’d rather just accept
it and move on. They don’t want to make it into something that’s more
time-consuming. But coming across people who have this attitude can be really hard
for the person who is making the complaint because it can feel really
invalidating and leave that person questioning their decision to make the
complaint and/or questioning their decision to tell that person about it and either
of those can actually affect the entire relationship!
Fortunately,
I have a really amazing support system in so far as the people who I’d talk to
about a complaint (namely my Mum, my best-friends, and my Recovery Workers from
Richmond Fellowship) and so I have always felt validated and confident in my
decision to make a complaint – particularly in the three instances I talked
about at the beginning of this post (which feels like ages ago to me too, so it
isn’t just you reading this!). Validation is something I find really important because
I feel like there was a really long time in my life where this just wasn’t done
by some of the most important people in my life – and this is especially true from
mental health professionals. So, it’s made me cautious as to who I talk to
about things like this because I feel like once I’ve made the decision to
complain – even if I did so with the help of other people’s opinions – I don’t
want their opinions to continue to affect my resolution.
Choosing Your Battles – Deciding Not To
Make The Complaint
So,
whilst this blog post is about making a complaint, in talking about the pros
and cons and me referencing several things to consider in making your decision,
I recognise that people might have read this, thoughts about the things I’ve
talked about, and actually decided not to go ahead with their complaint. Firstly,
I really hope that my words that have influenced someone’s decision end up
being the right decision for those people! However, at the same time, I have to
recognise – as I do with a lot of my blog posts – that I can only be fully
responsible for what I say; I can’t take complete responsibility or blame for a
reader’s response to my content. At the end of the day, if a person is
absolutely certain they need to complain about an incident, then nothing anyone
(especially a complete stranger as I’d class myself to a heck of a lot of
readers) says, should make a difference to that. Where your views of something
are concrete and unwavering that should really remain the case despite a blog
post – if my content changes your mind, then perhaps that’s a sign that you weren’t
fully convinced when you started reading this. In recognising this, I feel it’s
only balanced to also recognise that
In addition
to a recognition of responsibility, I also want to stress respect. I want everyone
and anyone who decides not to make a complaint – even if I think that if I were
in the situation I would have – have my upmost respect and appreciation. I say
this because having been in and out of mental health services for so long, there
have very obviously been a lot more instances than the three I’ve specifically talked
about where I’ve had to make the decision as to whether to complain about a
professional’s wrong-doing. And some of those other instances, I’ve actually –
believe it or not – come to the conclusion that complaining wasn’t the ‘right’
or best response for me in that instance. It’s usually been because of the
little ditty at the beginning of this section – choose your battles.
Having
made complaints and had them go completely wrong; to the point of being detrimental
to my safety, I have the experience that can really help me to properly and
realistically weigh things up when it comes to making the decision to complain.
Those bad experiences have given me an awareness and a recognition that despite
your very good intentions, complaints can end up slapping you in the face and making
you regret your decision – even when regrets are something I try to avoid labelling
anything as being!
The
good – but sad – thing to have come from those negative experiences though, has
been that I’ve gone to lengths to ensure I have proof of what I’m complaining
about. In my two complaints against the Crisis Team call handlers, I had been
recording the calls on my iPad – which I had set to film as a video. I’ve
obviously ended up being so relieved to have had those recordings because – based
on previous experiences – I’m fairly certain that the staff would have just denied
what they had said. And this is why it’s sad – you shouldn’t be worried about
that. You should be able to think that in putting in the complaint, the
professional will admit to their wrong-doing, take responsibility for their words
or actions, apologise profusely for the impact it has had on you, and take it
as a lesson to not repeat that with others. And, for me, I think that I
massively expect that people should do that because it is what I would do – and
something I really stand for and was brought up to believe, is treating others
how you want to be treated. If you were rude or abusive to a professional and
they spoke up and you denied it, how would they feel?
So,
having evidence of the instance I’m complaining about, is typically a hugely
important aspect for me to determine whether or not to complain; and this is another
huge reason why there were instances where I haven’t complained. And I think
treating others the way you’d like or expect to be treated yourself, comes into
this fact that I respect those who don’t complain, because I would like to
think that I would receive that for all the times I’ve chosen not to too.
The Actual Process or Procedure
Obviously
different organisations will have different complaints procedures, and so the
best advice I can give to determining the guidelines you need to know, would be
to either request to speak to a Manager or someone more senior than the person
you’re complaining about and ask them, or ask to speak with their Complaints
Department. One method of complaining which I’m aware is the same throughout
the UK, is that there’s an organisation called PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison
Service – who you can read more about here)
who offer confidential advice, information, and support. And they typically do
this when a person has raised a concern or problem in their care from an NHS Service.
PALS can help you to determine whether an incident should be reported as an
informal complaint or formal.
The NHS
website then provides this information…
Also, either
in addition to your complaint, or instead of making one, you can inform the
Care Quality Commission about your experience of a Service they regulate. The
following information was taken from their website: www.cqc.org.uk
I do think,
however, that it’s definitely worth mentioning the fact that so many organisations
very obviously and, I suppose, understandably want to avoid receiving
complaints and so they often make it difficult for you to report one. Whether
that means neglecting to add the information and guidelines to making a
complaint on their website or readily available in some other way, or taking
their time connecting you to the right person, or delaying the processing of
your complaint, or even just using various methods to try to convince you not
to go ahead with it e.g. offering an apology straightaway and saying that they’ll
speak to the professional themselves without you having to make the complaint. Now,
your response to this is very obviously a personal one in that not everyone
will feel the same when they’re being dismissed, ignored, or superficially
placated. For me, though, coming up against an attitude like that in making a
complaint just adds fuel to the fire to be honest! That is properly also
because having made previous complaints in NHS Services, I’ve come to somewhat
understand the system and the process behind each stage the complaint should go
through. So, I can recognise when I’m being lied to. Again, another sad thing –
you shouldn’t have to have previous experiences in order to know whether you’re
being treat properly, fairly, and in a justifiable way; you should just always
be treated that way!
Two Bits To Be Prepared For During The
Process of Your Complaint & How To Cope With Them
1.
You’ll
have to repeat everything – possibly multiple times depending upon the
complaints process of the organisation responsible for the professional.
The
thoughts that spring to my mind with this bit, mostly come from things around
when I finally reported the abuse I had experienced to the Police (I’ve
actually written two blog posts that talk about this, and you can read them here
and here).
I think reporting abuse is ironic; I mean every single member of staff from
every single Force in the UK will encourage you to tell them when that has
happened. So, when it takes you a while to do so, one of the first questions
you’re asked (or at least, I was, but I was told they tend to ask it to everyone
who also doesn’t report their abuse for a long period of time) is; “why didn’t
you report it at the time?”
When I
was asked that, I almost recoiled and instantly wanted to run out the room, but
instead I replied with “why would you ask that?!” and they explained that when
they put a case to CPS to determine whether the perpetrator can be prosecuted,
that’s the first thing CPS ask them. So, it isn’t at all about doubting you or
being invalidating – which was exactly how it had felt for me. However, despite
understanding that, the question can still be hard to actually answer, because
it can be something you ask yourself too. I mean, for the two years between it
finishing and me reporting it, I think it would be safe to say that at least
once a day I would wonder why I wasn’t speaking up. It was like I had to keep
reminding myself of all my reasons for my silence because actually, it felt almost
instinctively, I did want to tell the Police. I knew it was wrong and I knew it
was a crime.
I feel
like even if you have no experience of abuse, even if you or even someone you
know haven’t had to report something like that to the Police, it’s still pretty
standard knowledge and a mutual appreciation and understanding that reporting
abuse would surely be challenging and upsetting. And so, with just that in mind
– failing to consider any sort of personal and individual difficulties – I think
it’s safe to say that if this person with no experience were to be told someone
was asked why they hadn’t reported abuse sooner, they would be able to give an
answer that might actually still prove to be fairly accurate!
So, ultimately,
my point is when I was asked why I hadn’t reported the abuse sooner – after
wanting to run out the room – I had to hold myself back from screaming at them;
“because no one makes it a bloody walk in the park!” And whilst this is kind of
extreme, it’s a similar premise to putting in a complaint about a professional
in that the recognition that you’ll have to repeat everything and recount the
horrible details over and over, can make reporting a complaint so completely off-putting.
It can – because it did for me – mean that each time you tell someone else or
give the same person more details or talk about some different bits to the one
incident, you find yourself doubting your decision to make the complaint. And this
can instigate a level of resentment which can be assigned to a complete variety
of people – I mean, it could go toward yourself because you made the decision,
or it could go to the profession who did the wrong-doing because they’ve put
you in a position where you’ve had to make that decision, or it could go to the
person/people asking you to talk about things. No matter where it goes,
resentment is rarely a helpful thought or feeling.
To cope
with any regrets or second-guesses about your decision, it might be helpful to
have a pros list; a list of the benefits and the motivations to making the
complaint and use this to look back at as a reminder that you made the decision
with a ton of reasons and support. That it was the best and the right decision.
And to look at it as regretting it won’t do any good because you’ve already set
the wheels in motion; it’s almost like you might as well see it to the end! ‘You
can’t come this far to only come this far.’
2.
You’ll
always worry about the response to your complaint until you actually receive
it!
There
is such a huge variety of responses you might receive – and a lot of those can
depend upon the actual instance you’re complaining about and who the
responsible professional was – but I thought that I’d list four possibilities
and the thoughts they might bring up…
1.
The
professional faces consequences of some kind: This can lead to thoughts of
guilt and blame; and I’d say this would be particularly true where the consequence
has been really huge and possibly life-changing; like if the professional has
been fired. It can cause you to debate how justifiable a consequence or punishment
like that is and whether you have any responsibility for it because – in some
instances – it might be that if you hadn’t complained then the professional might
still be employed, on a good career path, and financially secure with all the benefits
that has e.g. the ability to pay your rent and/or bills etc.
2.
The
entire incident is denied by the professional: This can leave you feeling
insulted; the thought that you’d spent goodness knows how long it has taken from
the incident until your final, official response to the complaint, trying to
cope with what had happened and what you’ve gone through in the complaint
process… And all of that for them to deny it all and act or make out like you’ve
experienced all that hardship for no good reason. I mean, in denying it, that
can also be interpreted as you are being accused of lying and fabricating things.
And then, there’s the concern as to what others will be thinking of you in
terms of if they believe the professional and/or their organisation, then they’ll
be wondering what motivation you might have to lie about it all.
3.
The
professional or their organisation make excuses for the incident: This can be
really infuriating and frustrating and is actually pretty much almost a massive
circle back toward the beginning of this blog post (currently – as I type this
in Word – over 8 pages ago/more than 5,500 words! So, you’re totally forgiven
if you can’t remember the bit I’m referring to; but please hold on and stay
with me because we’re nearly at the end!) when I talked about professionals preaching
to service users to take responsibility for their actions, yet they often fail
to do this themselves. I mean, it’s quite a popular train of thought to say
that people shouldn’t use a mental illness as an ‘excuse’ for any poor
behaviour, which – in my opinion, at least – makes some sense, but it also
seems to neglect the recognition that a lot of the time, people do certain
things as a direct result of their mental health (whether it be ill or not!). I
think that mistreating a person and then coming up with some sort of excuse for
your wrong-doing, is actually extremely disrespectful toward them because it’s
almost like saying “you’re not worthy or deserving” for them to take
responsibility and give you a genuine apology.
4.
The
incident is admitted to, the professional recognises their responsibility and apologise:
Whilst this is likely an idea response for a lot of people, it can actually
raise two questions or concerns... Firstly, is the apology actually genuine,
meaningful, and heartfelt? Has it been made purely out of obligation or as some
sort of forced condition in that if they don’t apologise, they’ll receive
disciplinary action or some other consequence? And that can lead to you
wondering whether you’d rather have received no apology than one which feels
totally fake and contrived. Or should you just be grateful no matter what the backstory?
Then, secondly, an apologetic response can also leave you questioning whether
it’s ‘good enough’ or ‘adequate’ in terms of it negating the horrible, upsetting,
and negative thoughts and feelings you’ve experienced as a result of their wrong-doing.
Is ‘I’d like to take this opportunity to apologise for the impact my actions
have had’ a genuine and thoughtful apology? Or, does it feel like a copied and
pasted sentence from a template of Trust-wide apology wording? In the lengthy
report in response to my complaint against the psychiatric ward I talked about
at the very beginning of this post, there were numerous apologies, and initially
it meant a lot; but then I noticed – by the third or fourth one – that they
were literally the exact same; no matter what specific issue they were
regarding. They were in no way edited or personalised and that felt ingenuine
and actually, condescending and patronising from the concern that they’ve clearly
thought you wouldn’t notice.
What To Do With The Response
So, you’ve
finally (even if the response to your complaint might be viewed by some to have
come along fairly quickly, it likely felt like forever for you, because you’re
the person who was on edge until it was done) received the response to your
complaint; now what?
Unfortunately,
it’s completely realistic to say that sometimes, a response to a complaint isn’t
anywhere near acceptable and so it might be that you find yourself now debating
whether to take it further. Making this decision, can be a lot like the process
you went through in deciding to complain in the first place – and a lot of your
pros and cons might even still be the same! Perhaps the one, largest, most exacerbating
factor in deciding to take things further will be around the issue of having to
repeat everything. I mean, going through it all again can be even more
essential, important, and necessary if you’re going to be in contact with people
who are more Senior or with organisations that hold more authority and responsibility.
And that element can make things so much more tense, anxiety-provoking, and scary
which might understandably cause you to feel more reluctant because despite
having gotten through recounting the incident multiple times, doing it again
for this, might feel more intimidating and pressured. Where this is the case,
please don’t be afraid to reach out to and lean on anyone in your support system
– whether that be a professional, a best-friend, a family member, or your pets (who,
let’s face it, always makes more sense than anyone else anyway!).
So, where
the response you receive is acceptable, I think that usually the next step for
you to consider could be to find a way to begin moving on. This can feel so
strange and a little bit scary at first because often, it has felt like the
majority of your life and your time has been taken up by the complaint in some
way e.g. having to write about what happened in an email, completing
questionnaires and reports, speaking to those involved in investigating it,
worrying about the response and finding a way to prepare for what it might be… But
hopefully, the response can seem like some sort of closure to help you differentiate
a new part of your life in the aftermath of it all.