It’s
a goddamn blaze in the dark,
And
you started it,
You
started it,
So
yeah, it’s a war
It’s
the goddamn fight of my life
And
you started it
Taylor
Swift – Ivy
At first, this blog post was just going to be a post on the blog’s Instagram (@imnotdisordered) but, in all honesty, I found that I had too much to say than would fit on Instagram! So, I wanted to talk through the story behind me reporting my experiences of six months of sexual abuse and – during that time and by the same perpetrator – one instance of rape to the Police and then I’m going to share why I’m so glad that I did that. Reporting crimes like these can be controversial and can lead to a lot of mixed feelings for survivors, but I think one key concern for those who are yet to report their experiences, is that they’ll regret it. So, I want to properly answer the question I’m often asked when people hear that despite reporting the rape to the Police, CPS made the decision not to prosecute him (with the claim that there wasn’t enough evidence) … I have no regrets and – if anything – it’s the exact opposite because the impact reporting the rape and abuse has had on me, has actually given me motivation to encourage others to report their own experiences…
What a lot of people don’t know or haven’t
realised, is that I actually told someone what was happening at the time, and
it was his response which led to me being silenced for the following two years.
It was this response which meant I didn’t report it to the Police until two
years later and this is a huge illustration of just how important your response
can be to a survivor who is telling you, their story.
Admittedly, the abuse had been going on for six
months before I spoke up, but until this first instance of reporting it, I felt
I had one million and one reasons why I couldn’t and shouldn’t speak up. Now, I
won’t go ahead and list those reasons because I don’t want survivors who
haven’t reported their experiences, to see any reasons they hadn’t thought of
and this post turn into doing the exact opposite than the impact I intend and
want it to have! I don’t want people to find more motivation in not to speak up
in this post. I want this content to be the ultimate encouragement to report.
So, having started abusing me in November 2006, on
April 20th, 2007, it was one of the rare occasions where I managed
to fight my abuser off when he attempted to hurt me again and I ran from his
Office. He ended up chasing after me and we raced through his place of work,
screaming at one another. Now, when I reported the trauma to the Police, they
interviewed a few of my abuser’s colleagues and their comments included that a
few of them had ‘wondered’ whether it was happening because of the arguments we
would have in public. His colleagues explained that the way we would argue was
often, very different than what would be considered typical for the nature of
our relationship. And this final one was a prime example of what they meant
because as I screamed “think of your wife and children” my abuser’s employer
stormed out of his office nearby and – having heard what I’d said – I asked
what right I had to speak to him like that!
It was very much a straw-that-broke-the-camels-back
type of incident because his employer asking me that just felt like one
upsetting comment too much and I found myself blurting out “ask him what he’s
been doing behind your back for months!” He looked to my abuser and when he
stood there in defiant silence, I suddenly had a case of verbal diarrhoea and
the entire story just poured out of me – along with a ton of tears! When I had
finished, I looked at the employer, he looked to my abuser who was staring at
the ground, but his eyes were filling with a mixture of tears and panic, and
then his employer said “you manipulative liar! Get yourself to reception now;
your Mum can come and get you and don’t you dare come back here until you hear
from me!”
As I waited in Reception for my Mum, I heard
laughter and on looking down a nearby corridor, I saw my abuser and his
employer shaking hands and laughing. Throughout the entire, horrific six
months, that was probably my lowest point. And I had to put all that sadness
and anger to one side so that I could decide what on earth I was going to tell
my Mum. I mean, why on earth would I tell her the truth after receiving that
response from the employer? But then, what if I lied and she went to the
employer, and he corrected her? But I knew he wouldn’t, because admitting what
had caused him to make me leave the building, would open the door to
questioning his duty of care and the fact that really, his job meant that
whether he believed me or not, he was actually obliged to report my accusation
to the Police.
So, I lied to my Mum
and when she asked the Reception staff to get the employer so that she could
question his motivation for telling me to leave, they came back without him and
said he was going to an event. And I knew from that moment that he wasn’t going
to do anything about what I’d said – and not just in so far as not telling my
Mum, but he also did nothing to protect me from my abuser when I had to go back
to the building for my GCSE exams. Fortunately, the fact that they were making
me sit my exams in a room alone, meant that I had my own Exam Invigilator and
that meant I had a witness when, on three occasions, my abuser interrupted my
exams. In the end, I had to sit my exams in a community building down the road!
That’s how impossible it was to have myself and my abuser in the same building
and expect no commotion or conflict.
For the two years
between reporting the abuse to my abuser’s employer and reporting it to the
Police, it felt as though I literally spent every second fighting for my life.
Fighting to cope with all the horrible and traumatic memories in ways that
meant I could continue with my life and have some sort of a positive and
productive future.
My first coping method
was alcohol – yes, underage. My friends and I ended up meeting some boys and
one of them was over 18 so he began buying alcohol for us and whilst my friends
would drink to have fun and knew when to stop, I would drink until I blacked
out. Until I couldn’t remember my name, let alone what had happened to me!
Then, when my group of friends got into a fight with another group of teenagers
and the Police were involved, my Mum told me I couldn’t see them anymore and so
I turned my focus to my education and started studying my A Levels.
When it became
apparent that I wasn’t quite the most academic sort of person – despite the
fact that I actually really love learning and have done well with online
courses (I think I’m just not really a classroom learner) – I then started
restricting my diet and over-exercising. I was already underweight because my
appetite had been massively affected by the abuse – in the mornings, I would be
so nervous at the thought of what might happen that day that I wouldn’t eat
breakfast, then lunchtime was spent in the building where my abuser worked so
that was an anxious time, and so the only meal I would really eat was dinner in
the evening. So, when I began more actively and voluntarily restricting things
it was dangerous because I was already too thin – bullies used to call me a
‘bag of bones.’
In 2009, I was leaving
my weekend job in a big retail store in Newcastle city centre, when I heard a
man’s voice telling me to kill myself. Over the following ten days, the voice
became louder and louder, clearer, and more persuasive and so eventually, I
made my first suicide attempt on the same day I had three back-to-back A Level
examinations scheduled. I ended up fainting at school and was taken to A&E
where I ran away and apparently because of what I’d done, the staff had to call
the Police and so they found me in a nearby town and I was detained under
section 136 of the 1983 Mental Health Act and taken back to A&E.
When, at my Mental
Health Act assessment, I refused to explain or talk about what had made me
suicidal, I was detained under section 2 of the Act and after being restrained
and given sedative injections, I was given the antidote treatment for my
attempt. On finishing that treatment, I was transferred to a psychiatric
hospital for the first time in my life and having turned 18 just a few months
earlier, it meant I had to go straight into adult services.
On my second admission
to a psychiatric hospital, I kept escaping from the ward and in the end, they
decided to transfer me to the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) because it
was a secure ward with an airlock and fenced courtyard. When I first got to the
ward, the staff were showing me around when I saw a woman walking down the
corridor with huge white bandages covering both of her forearms from her hands
to her elbows. She looked so angry, and I felt really scared so I spent most of
my time in my bedroom on the PICU but, one evening, I was sat on the bench in
the courtyard, and she came out to smoke. I knew it would look incredibly rude
if I just got up and left so I stayed there and before I knew it, it was hours
later, the sky was getting dark, and we were still talking!
She told me that she’d experienced rape and abuse too and the way she talked about it, I made the incorrect assumption that she had reported her experiences because she was very encouraging of me doing that. And being in that PICU and sectioned under the Mental Health Act? Well, it made me think ‘how can I possibly feel any worse?’ So, when I disclosed what had happened to me, she explained that she felt compelled to tell the staff, so, I made the decision to tell them myself and immediately, they called the Police.
In 2012, after a
suicide attempt left me on life support, when I woke up, I was detained under
section 3 of the 1983 Mental Health Act and transferred to a psychiatric
hospital which specialised in helping and supporting women with a diagnosis of
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). With the hospital specialising in that
diagnosis, it meant they facilitated – and as an inpatient there, it was
compulsory to undergo – Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) because this was
the recommended treatment for someone with BPD.
I honestly had a very
rocky start with the Therapy sessions (you had to do 1:1 and group sessions
multiple times per week). I think that the hardest thought it brought up for me
which I really had to tackle in order to move forwards and continue learning
from it, was when I’d be taught these safe, therapeutic coping skills that were
intended to replace my unsafe coping mechanisms e.g. self-harm. Discovering how
helpful and effective these new skills were, brought up a lot of thoughts
around feeling useless and led to me wondering ‘why the hell didn’t I think to
do that instead of hurting myself?!’
The way I learned to
cope with this baffling thought and get around it, was to recognise that if I
had honestly felt as though I had a choice – if I thought at all that another
action existed that would be as effective as all the unsafe things I had been
doing – then I’d have most definitely opted to do that rather than self-harm! And
I realised that I likely hadn’t thought of such alternative coping methods
because I was so caught up in these intense and destabilising thoughts,
feelings, and harsh and upsetting memories around the rape and abuse. I was so
focused on how terrible I felt, and my head just seemed so full of all this
negativity that there literally was absolutely no room for safe, positive, and
productive thoughts, feelings, and ideas for these healthier actions.
Anyway, the Therapy –
I would ultimately deem it to have been lifesaving because once I overcame
those self-critical thoughts, I was able to just go along with what I was being
taught and – yes, through a heck of a lot of trial and error – discover DBT
skills that worked for me, and which felt like very effective and efficient
alternative coping strategies. So, with how helpful DBT was for me in mind, I
wanted to share some tips from it in this blog post because experience of
trauma, is very often a factor in the lives of someone with BPD and so, DBT can
be very aimed at survivors and this has meant there are a number of elements to
it which are helpful in this discussion of reporting rape and abuse.
Firstly, the three DBT
skills most useful for deciding to report your trauma:
1.
Wise Mind:
This skill comes from the module; Mindfulness and is all about finding a
middle-ground between ‘Emotional Mind’ (where you’re making decisions based
solely on your emotions) and ‘Reasonable Mind’ (where the decision is based
solely on facts) when making a big decision. For more: Wise
Mind: DBT Skills, Worksheets, Videos, Exercises
2.
STOP:
This skill is part of the Emotion Regulation module and is all about ensuring
you don’t act or make a decision in the heat of the moment and when you’re
feeling really emotional and unable to think carefully and calmly. For more: STOP
Skill: DBT Skills, Worksheets, Videos, Exercises
3.
Cost Benefit Analysis:
This skill is part of the Distress Tolerance module and basically focuses on
the idea of listing pros and cons in making a decision or considering changing
something and using it as a means of having – in black and white – proof of which
action will have more gains and benefits. For more: Cost
Benefit Analysis: Exercises, Worksheets, Videos
So, the first reason
why I’m glad I reported the rape and abuse to the Police, was that it brought
me some sense of closure around the entire ordeal. Prior to reporting it, I
felt like the idea of speaking to the Police was just constantly floating
around in my head. I couldn’t lay the thought down somewhere or put it to one
side. It was always at the forefront, always something I was aware of… It was
like, when you’re talking to someone and you have an awkward question for them,
but you realise that if you don’t ask it, you’ll just keep wondering what their
answer would have been. I was just always wondering what could come from me
reporting it to the Police and whether anything would happen to him.
Now, I want to
recognise as early on in this blog post as possible, that I might talk about it
how difficult it was before I reported it (like saying that the idea of it was
always in my head) and there might be some – likely those with no experience of
this – who will have the attitude that I was responsible for that time. That I
was responsible for that hardship because it was my decision if and when to
report it. But in all honesty, it was kind of like self-harm in that I thought
‘if I felt like I had a choice, I wouldn’t do this!’ So, I genuinely felt and
believed that if reporting it sooner had felt like an option, I’d very
obviously have done so. And whilst I very much recognise now that it had been a
decision because I could have fought the fact that at the time, I felt that I
literally had one million and one reasons not to report it. I realise now that
I could have argued, ignored, gotten help and advice for, and/or confronted
against all those reasons, but back then I felt like my rapist had absolutely
broken me and I felt so weak and lacking in courage and bravery that even the
mere thought that I could fighting back against the reasons, didn’t
occur to me!
In addition to finally
settling the thought and idea of reporting it, another factor or element to finding
closure in reporting the rape and abuse, was around responsibility. When my mental
health first became poorly and for the three years after that, I was incredibly
poor at taking responsibility for my actions. I mean, if I self-harmed or made
an attempt, I would always say “I only did it because such-and-such did this!”
or “because such-and-such said that!” I was forever holding someone else
accountable for my actions or attitude. A Service or set of professionals to
notice that and very much work on teaching me how wrong it was, were actually
the Crisis Team. They didn’t, however, do so in the kind, supportive, and
empathetic way that would have made the lesson easier to learn. It meant
that I struggled to actually see the lesson in what they were doing and saying
and that it really wasn’t until my inpatient admission to the specialist
psychiatric hospital where it facilitated two-and-a-half years of Dialectical
Behaviour Therapy (DBT) that I finally recognised the purpose and the point to
the way they had treated me and the message they had been trying to get across.
Whilst that admission
happened almost three years after reporting the abuse, experiencing it and
undergoing DBT, meant that I found or developed and learned this additional beneficial
result from reporting it. And that was the recognition that from telling the
Police, it meant that I was really acknowledging that it was my rapist who
deserved the responsibility for the rape and abuse. For such a long time, I had
blamed myself for it… And it wasn’t about dressing provocatively or flirting
with him – because I had done neither of those things(!); it was about
considering myself to be a bad person who was worthy of having terrible things
happen to her. So, telling the Police meant that I was truly defying those
beliefs and ruling them to be untrue.
Now, I always pride
myself and I’m NOT Disordered on being 100% honest, open, transparent, and
authentic and so, whilst this blog post is all about encouraging people to
report their traumas, I won’t shy away from the difficult bits too! And the
difficulty in reporting the abuse which had to do with my thoughts and feelings
around responsibility, was that when the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) deemed
there to not be enough evidence to pursue things, it meant my rapist received
no legal consequences for his actions. And this was upsetting for two main
reasons (and one million and one small ones!):
1.
I actually found it offensive and
insulting that he was denying what he had done to me, it felt it meant that the
entire ordeal hadn’t been that important to him. Yet it had changed my life.
2.
The reporting process was so difficult
and destabilising for me, and him not receiving consequences made me question
whether it had been worthwhile.
Obviously – because
this post wouldn’t be what it is if I hadn’t – I managed to work my way through
those challenging thoughts and the feelings they influenced. To tackle the
realisation that what he’d done to me didn’t matter to him, I turned to the
belief that this meant he had no conscience, and it actually inspired the
mindset that I should make him just as unimportant to my life. That I should do
what I could to prevent him and the memories of what he did to me, from
destroying my life. From ending my life – because really, that’s what my
suicide attempts were all about: the memories.
Then, this
determination to recover, went on to help me to confront that second reason because
I felt that if I could recover and move forwards in my life, then it would have
made me into a stronger and braver person… For years, professionals would tell
me that I’d eventually get to a point where I’d be grateful for all that had
happened to me because I’d recognise it had made me into who I am today. But,
for all those years, I didn’t like who I was, and I was sceptical that this
would ever change. I was also so caught up in the memories and flashbacks that I
genuinely couldn’t fathom ever being grateful for those. However, for the past
two years I have started to come round to this idea and thought process and
eventually, today, I find it to be true.
Another difficult
impact that the closure had was around the definition of me. Like, the blog’s
title is all about not being defined by a mental health diagnosis and I think
this is something that can very well be applied and relevant to trauma too.
Like, I feel as though for the two years following the rape and abuse, I was
defined as being a secret survivor of it. It didn’t matter that no one else
really knew about it – I knew it. And sometimes, the thoughts you have of
yourself – the way you define and consider yourself – can actually have every
chance of being far more instrumental and influential on you than what others
think of you. So, once everyone knew I had experienced this trauma…? Then who
would I be? It was almost like I’d be losing part of myself and taking on a
whole new role… So that yes, there was closure; but equally, it was the start
of a whole new chapter in my life!
So, with the thoughts
around closure bringing up flashbacks and difficult memories, I’ve chosen two DBT
skills to help with this:
1.
Self-Soothing:
This skill is from the DBT module; Distress Tolerance and focuses on doing
something nice for your senses e.g. cuddling up in a blanket, having a hot
drink, lighting a candle, taking a shower or bath, stroking a pet. For more: Self
Soothing: DBT Skills, Worksheets, Videos, Exercises
2.
Balancing Emotional Urges:
This skill is also from the Emotion Regulation module and is largely about
considering opposite actions and the benefits to those compared to the actions
you may carry out or are considering carrying out purely as a result of your
emotions. For more: Balancing
Emotional Urges: Exercises, Worksheets, Videos
Reporting my
experiences of rape and abuse to the Police also felt like the ultimate
illustration of acceptance for me. I’m one of those people who thinks that
reporting something to the Police is a very big deal, and I think that some of
the influence behind that mindset comes from the stories in the media about
false rape and abuse accusations. It’s common knowledge that there are women and
men out there who – for numerous reasons, but typically revenge as they often
name the alleged offender – report untrue stories of experiencing these
traumatic crimes to the Police. For me, the hardest part of this fact is that
it feels like this has meant that us genuine survivors are having to jump
through hoops to have our reports believed and pursued and that the almost
automatic initial first response to us is disbelief. As though you’re immediately
labelled a liar and people are working to prove that this is true rather
than proving that what you’re saying is.
So, with all of that
in mind, I believed that there was no point in reporting the rape and abuse to
the Police if I couldn’t prove it had happened. And looking back, this is quite
a sad reason to have led to it taking so long for me to report it because
really, it isn’t my job or responsibility to have collated thoughts and ideas
on ways I could advise the Police find proof. The investigation is their job. The
balance there though, is that it is my place to be as honest as possible in
providing my statement to them and to include whatever detail I can to aid the
Police in their investigations. And I guess you can look at it as though if
there’s ways that I can contribute to him receiving the legal consequences he
is deserving of, then I need to do those things because ultimately, that’s my
goal from reporting it.
Fear that you won’t be
believed or that the Police will be unable to find enough proof or evidence of
your accusation can be a massively influential reason on a survivor’s decision
as to whether or not to report rape and/or abuse. I mean, it definitely was for
me because he made it very well known to me that if I were to report him, he
would deny it and he frequently pointed out the difference in our reputations
as ways to evidence who would be believed over the other. He very accurately reminded
me that he was very well respected and admired by not just his colleagues but
my peers too! I remember seeing this girl I hadn’t gotten along with post a
photo with him on Facebook with the caption ‘the opposite of a _____’ and a
word I used to frequently call him when talking about him to my friends and
peers. And I burst into tears because I just wanted to scream “you have no idea
who he really is!”
The fact he had this
reputation led to other difficult and upsetting thoughts for me too. Thoughts
around the idea that if he was different to me than he was with so many other
people, then perhaps I was deserving of it? Like, maybe it was me who made him
into a different person. Maybe he actually was a good person, and I had a bad
influence on him? And thoughts like this just added to my reluctance to report
it because I absolutely hated the idea that I would speak up and tell the
Police and they would just repeat and support those worries about me being
deserving of it. I felt that it was hard enough to cope when I was having these
thoughts and feelings myself, but to have them seconded by others? By the
Police – of all people? Well, at least when it was just me, there was a small
percentage that was able to doubt it and question it with the recognition that
maybe I was wrong. So to have others support it – I felt – would make it that
much more impossible to try to defy it because I’d be defying more than one
person. I’d be defying people (the Police) who I actually respected and whose power
I very much recognised as making them incredibly superior.
This respect and recognition
of their power were just two of the many reasons why I took reporting something
to them so seriously. In all honesty, a huge concern I had – which ties back into
what I said about being believed and people making false allegations – was the
knowledge that the Police actually have the ability to arrest you and instigate
serious legal consequences if they feel you’re lying. To provide some
additional information and insight into this element or part, I actually went
and did a little bit of research and found two links which might be of some use
or of some interest: Suing
for false accusations: know your rights in the UK
and Legal
Consequences of Making False Accusations | OBLaw.
So, with this threatening and scary reality in mind, not only did I affect my
decision to report things, but I think that it also affected my statement and
interviews with the Police because I was so nervous and anxious that they were
sitting there just not believing a single word I said! Like, to the point where
I could feel my voice shaking and it was like every word was trembling with
terror as soon as it left the comforting and reassuring private safety of my
head.
Now, in addition to
the recognition that reporting rape and abuse to the Police – especially when
you’re naming the offender – is a hugely official and important action, another
way in which going through with it led to acceptance was because I think, for
me, my rape and abuse was one of those instances where it kind of feels
surreal. Where the more times you say it, the more real it becomes. I think
that this is a thought process or mindset that is something which is a more common
and typical experience in grief and with the death of a loved one.
To be fully honest and
transparent again, ironically, whilst my thoughts and feelings around
acceptance would now be deemed a positive consequence to reporting my abuse and
rape to the Police, knowing it might happen was probably the hardest thought to
battle against in actually making the report. Like, I knew full well that in
reporting things… It was going to make the entire trauma more real and after
over two years of avoiding the reality of it and putting so much effort into
using unsafe methods to forget about it, this thought, or concept felt
incredibly frightening and intimidating. Alien – that’s how it felt. Like it
was a strange, alien idea because I felt so much more adjusted and accustomed
to forgetting it and blocking it out. And so, how on earth would I suddenly
tolerate the acknowledgement of it? How would I cope? Because I was fully aware
that in accepting it through reporting it to the Police, I was likely going to
be overwhelmed and surrounded by the memories.
How did I overcome
that concern? I really weighed things up (almost like the Cost Benefit Analysis
DBT skill I mentioned earlier) and recognised that I had a heck of a lot more
to gain from reporting the rape and abuse than I had to lose or risk losing. I
had also begun to really realise that if I didn’t report things, nothing would
change – I would continue engaging in unsafe coping skills and feeling suicidal
because I would still be holding onto this huge secret. If I didn’t make that
change in reporting it, I honestly believed – and it was actually repeated by
professionals who were in complete agreement – that I wasn’t going to live much
longer. My body could only withstand what I was doing to it for so long. And
did I really want to die? Or did I want to die because of what had happened to
me and all the memories, thoughts, and feelings that it had caused me to
experience? Without the trauma, would I even be feeling this way or end up
feeling this way?
To provide advice and
support with the thoughts, feelings, and experiences around acceptance that you
could experience in reporting your trauma, I’ve hunted down some DBT
skills/tips again for you:
1.
Coping Ahead:
This skill is from the Emotional Regulation module and is literally perfect for
that stage of having the worry and concern that you’re going to struggle more
after reporting your trauma and doing this skill, involves creating a plan and really
establishing and properly considering your mental health early warning signs.
For more: Coping
Ahead: DBT Skills, Worksheets, Videos, Exercises
2.
Radical Acceptance:
This is a skill from the Distress Tolerance module and focuses on recognising any
negative, debilitating, unsafe, and unfair thoughts and emotions that come up
from the situation you’re accepting and putting them to one side so that they
don’t destroy you or lead you to coping with them in unsafe ways. For more: Radical
Acceptance: Skills, Worksheets, Videos, Exercises
Whilst I was raised by
an incredibly supportive, kind, and validating Mum; I was never really
encouraged or taught to blow my own trumpet. Like, my strengths and skills were
acknowledged, recognised, rewarded, and praised etc… But I think the lacking in
this element was largely because I was never really in a situation where
blowing my own trumpet was something I needed to do. And I say that with some
confidence because since joining the blogging industry, there have been
numerous instances where I’ve needed to do that and the greatest and most
influential person to teach, coach, and support me in doing so, has definitely
been my Mum!
Her greatest lesson
for me which has been absolutely instrumental and inspirational in my career,
has been her promotion and encouragement of me using the ‘shy bairns get nowt’ mantra.
This mindset has been incredibly useful and – I think – monumental in my blog’s
popularity and all of the amazing opportunities it has afforded me, but it has
also provided me with a really great outlook on my past. I especially, have
developed this more positive and proud opinion and stance around this
particular instance of when I finally reported the rape and abuse to the
Police.
When I first reported
it, I think a huge part of me saw my rationale for doing so as being a sense of
compulsion, as though I hadn’t been left with much choice or options. I mean,
in telling that other inpatient everything, she made it clear that she felt
obliged to pass it on to the staff and, knowing that, I thought it’d be much
better coming from me because if she went to them, they’d still come to me to
ask questions and pursue things. And the Police were informed because the staff
had a duty of care to pass the information on to them rather than me actually
asking the psychiatric staff to call the Police. Like, nothing was – or at
least nothing felt like it was – really in my control in terms of feeling like
it had all occurred through my own, unpressured decision-making.
My Nana always said
that everything happens for a reason and that’s something I’ve really had to
hold on to throughout everything – the rape, the abuse, and my mental health
journey. I feel that it’s actually really helped me to both cope with things
and process and make sense of a lot of things too. It’s something I’ve actually
really used in terms of looking back over why I reported the rape and abuse to
the Police as it’s given me the belief that if I hadn’t been – or at least felt
like I was being – backed into a corner to talk to the Police about it, I’d likely
have never ended up reporting it at all. Like, I can’t imagine why else I would
have changed my mind and reported it off my own bat… And I actually kind of
find it surreal to think about… It’s a bit like my education journey – not many
people know this, but I actually did my A Levels and had an offer to study a
Law degree at Newcastle University. But, on the day that I had three
back-to-back A Level exams, I made my first suicide attempt and was sectioned!
I honestly think that I’ll actually stop wondering what would have happened if
I hadn’t done that. What would have happened if I’d just gone and gotten
professional help for the auditory hallucinations that had started ten days
prior to the attempt? How different could my life have been? I could have been
a Lawyer by now!
Do you know what
though, when I think of things like that, I’m NOT Disordered, and its success
and popularity honestly save me! Like, before I started blogging, I had this
enormous conviction that I was destined to kill myself in a way that would highlight
the failures within mental health services – like, I honestly thought that was
my purpose in life. That this was why I was here – to show others how poor and
unhelpful services like the Crisis Team can be. And yes, I tackled this belief
with a Psychologist in the specialist psychiatric hospital (I actually blogged
about it here)
but only over one year after starting my blog; and that was because by that
time, I was really sure I had found a new purpose. I had done my first
collaboration (with YoungMinds – you can read our first partnered blog post, here)
and attended/volunteered at my first event (the Time To Change Time To Talk Day
2014 event in Leeds, which I blogged about here).
So, I was truly feeling like a proper Blogger and that was really solidifying
this new-found sense of purpose through I’m NOT Disordered.
I think that reporting
the rape and abuse to the Police four years prior to creating my blog, actually
really influenced my blogging career, being an Influencer, and the content that
I create online because it solidified a recognition that I can actually be
quite brave when I want to be! And that’s where this reason for being grateful
for reporting comes in – bravery! I feel that in confronting all the reasons
why I shouldn’t report it, and overcoming each and every one of them, makes me
rather strong, brave, and courageous. Like, I was fully aware that all those
reasons I was defying, were mostly self-created and that the majority of them had
very little actual, real evidence to support them – I’d pretty much pulled them
from thin air and just determined them to be true! But, in a way, this was
worse than if they had been well-founded and evidenced because going against
them when they were formed in this way, meant that I was really, genuinely
ignoring and defying myself. My own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. And it’s
one thing to challenge someone else, and it’s something entirely different to
go against yourself.
Two feelings I also did
massively struggle with in being brave though, were resentment and anger. Both
were aimed directly at my rapist/abuser because I had looked at the entire
situation as being created by him. Like, my resentment was because I felt that
he had caused the entire situation and that I wouldn’t have been in a position
where I had to challenge myself if it weren’t for him, his actions, and his
attitude. The anger that accompanied this was mostly caused by the realisation
that despite everything being his fault, he took no responsibility and – more
importantly (to me) – seemed to not be suffering whatsoever in this entire
situation. He never seemed sad or upset. He didn’t seem to be struggling at
all. Yet I was – since the very tender and innocent age of 15 – contemplating
suicide (when I was 15, I actually researched whether you could die from
jumping from a first-floor window and landing on concrete because I had visions
of jumping out of his first-floor office window).
In addition to being
brave by defying my own thoughts and feelings, I think that having courage in
reporting the rape and abuse to the Police was also extremely necessary because
of the idea that I really didn’t know what would come from it. I mean, I had
created my own thoughts on what would happen – I’d thought about not being
believed and my rapist denying everything (which, in fairness, was one thing he’d
said he would do – deny everything – so that wasn’t one of the many things I
had admittedly self-created with no real evidence or rationale!). And the
other, largest concerning response my report could have in addition to not
being believed, was around the next reason I’m going to talk about soon – the
impact that hearing what happened to me would have on others. Of particular concern
was very obviously and understandably, my Mum’s reaction – but like I said,
I’ll talk more about that soon.
Anyway, having these
horrible possible outcomes to my report, meant that it took a lot of bravery
and strength to go ahead and report it anyway. And a huge help with this, was focusing
on how worthwhile it was. Focusing on the good that would come from reporting.
I tried to weigh up the fact that I would feel free to know that I was no
longer alone with my largest secret and the experience having the largest
impact on my life. I no longer had to use all the energy I owned to keep it
hidden. To be honest, in considering the benefits of speaking up, I didn’t
think that if I went through with reporting it ‘that’ll make me really brave.’ I
didn’t really recognise reporting it to be any kind of achievement or
accomplishment at all. I think that was largely because it almost just felt
like part of a process… Like, something like this happens to you, you report it,
or you don’t report it. But either way, it’s almost like it’s part of the
incident – and I think I feel like that with anything that happens that can be
reported to the Police…
Managing to overcome
and challenge all that I did in reporting the rape and abuse and recognising my
strength and bravery in doing so, meant that there’s very little in life that
phases me. I mean, since I started having Epileptic seizures a few years ago,
I’ve had numerous – sometimes really bad in that they’ve resulted in surgery –
injuries and have been in and out of A&E and hospital. And then that on top
of my mental health being up and down? Well, it’s meant a lot of drama, a lot
of hospitalisations, a lot of emergency services… And I honestly feel like I’ve
just took it all in my stride. And part of that might be because it’s my life
and I feel I have very little say over both (the Epilepsy and my mental health)
things so there’s not a whole lot of point in even trying to stop or control
anything. But I think part of it is also due to feeling like I’ve overcome and
managed to cope with bigger and worse.
There’s on particular
DBT skill which can help you to be brave and courageous:
1.
RESISTT:
This skill is part of the Distress Tolerance module and is all about overcoming
difficult and overwhelming emotions through seven different
skills/exercises/actions/thoughts (reframe the situation, engage in a
distracting activity, focus your attention on someone else, inflict another
intense sensation on yourself e.g. take a hot bath, shut it out, neutral
thoughts, and take a break). For more: RESISTT
Technique: DBT Skills, Worksheets, Videos, Exercises
I thought this reason
was due to be discussed because I had actually touched on it in the previous
one when I briefly mentioned how the thought of others really affected my
decision to report the rape and abuse to the Police. By ‘the thought of others’
I mean; the impact that hearing what had happened to me would have on them as
well the impact hearing what he had done to me would have on them…
One huge reason why I
didn’t report it sooner, was my knowledge and awareness of what others –
particularly those closest to me e.g. his colleagues (who were also hugely
influential on my life and my education especially), my peers, and my Mum – thought
of my abuser/rapist. In all honesty, it’s something that I’m actually really
reluctant to talk about on here because I don’t want to phrase anything wrong
and have people think that those people were unsupportive of me. They were. But
they were also fooled by him. He was an incredibly manipulative person…
The way he began
hurting me – the way in which the opportunity to do it first came up – was
because I was attacked on my way to School one morning and afterwards, I began
having panic attacks. My abuser ended up saying that I could have a pass to use
at School so that if I was struggling in a lesson, I could just show it to the
Teacher and not have to explain things. But the point of this pass was that I
then had to go and find him and sit with him or his Deputy until I felt better.
The Police labelled this – him using a situation to build a relationship with
me that was full of trust, respect, appreciation, and gratitude and then using
that to hurt and abuse me – all ‘grooming.’
That feels wrong to me
though, it actually feels – so it’s not necessarily intended to mean this –
like it’s an excuse. Like, naming it is testament to the fact that it’s
something others do too… And I think that what he did should be recognised as
being something he did! That it was something he
manipulated and abused and by labelling it as ‘grooming’ it almost says that
others would have used this situation in the same way. And again, I feel, that
this takes away the blame and responsibility he deserves and has most well and
truly earned.
So, there was this one
instance in particular which always comes to mind when I think or talk about
him being manipulative, and that was in the middle of the abuse. In a desperate
bid to show people that something was happening to me – with the hope that
someone would sit up and be like “I wonder why Aimee’s acting differently?” – I
would really misbehave at School. I was rude to teachers, I talked back to them
and was sarcastic, and I’d refuse to do my homework and assignments in class.
So, it got to the point where my abuser had to get involved and he called me,
and my Mum into the School and my Nana ended up coming too. I can’t remember
exactly what was being discussed but I think that the largest reason for my
upset was that all the memories of what he had been doing to me were flooding
back because we were in his office (which is where a lot of the abuse took
place).
I ended up running out
of the office crying and my Nana came after me… Later, my Mum said that my
abuser/rapist had started get emotional and that his eyes were filling with
tears. Mum took it as concern for me and thought it was about him being
invested and caring about me and so she made one of the hardest comments made
during that period of my life; that he was a really ‘good person.’ It left me
feeling completely alone and frustrated because I just wanted to shout, “you
have no idea who he really is!” And my Mum’s attitude and opinion of him, was
hugely influential on my decision not to report the rape and abuse straight
away.
Firstly, her respect
and appreciation for him meant that if I spoke up, I believed that whether she
believed me or not, it would be hard and upsetting for her. Like, if she
thought I was lying and trusted him (which I honestly thought was really
unlikely – like, close to impossible!) then she’d be upset that I’d accused him
or something so horrific. But if she believed me over his denials (as I
mentioned earlier, he had made it clear that he would deny it if I spoke up),
she’d be upset and disappointed that someone she had respected and trusted had
done that to her daughter. So, I worried that either way, it was going to hurt
her. It was going to upset her and either way, she’d end up angry and upset –
two thoughts and feelings I very obviously didn’t want to inflict on my Mum –
and that’s how I (wrongly) felt; that I’d be causing her to feel those ways.
When actually, it was all about his actions. I would just be relaying
them to her and so how they made her feel, shouldn’t be my responsibility or
fault. It shouldn’t be my place to be worried about that.
In addition to my
abuser’s promises to deny things, he made a number of threats in relation to if
I were to speak up and report him and one of the largest and most influential
on my decision, was in connection with my Mum. In all honesty, I’m not sure if
she knows that he said this but it’s something I have talked through in Therapy
because I recognised that it has massively stayed with me over the years. His
threat was based on his own knowledge and recognition that my Mum had this
respect and trust and appreciation for him. He used this fact and said that if
I were to report him, he would do all that he could to create a romantic
relationship with my Mum. I was so scared because he was right in my Mum’s
opinion of him and whilst I did feel that she would never have a relationship
to someone in the position he was in my life, I honestly wasn’t 100% certain. And
that, was more to do with him than her, actually. Like, it was about
recognising how manipulative and cunning he could be and seeing that I honestly
felt – by that point in the abuse – that he could make anything happen. I
really recognised his power and influence and control.
Fortunately, that threat
was one of the few that was actually timely and situational and so, by the time
I was finally reporting the rape and abuse to the Police two years after it had
finished, that threat was no longer possible or valid. It was no longer
convincing, frightening, scary, or possible. And I was quite relieved when I
did finally tell my Mum what he’d done to me, she said that if she’d known at
the time, she’d have stopped herself from lifting a finger against him and rang
the Police to meet them at the building my abuser worked in to watch him get
arrested! She assured me that she’d have believed every word I said – and she
proved that because I literally couldn’t have asked for more support from her
over the years.
Another thing I’d like
to say in talking about others is that from being so vocal about my mental
health, one of the most common questions I’m asked – in all kinds of situations
e.g. events, press interviews, via comments on social media etc – is what my
top advice would be for others who are struggling in similar ways. A huge
motivation for my mental health recovery was my loved ones. There were numerous
instances where I’d say that I would cooperate with professionals, agree to
Therapy or medication or hospitalization etc for the sake of my loved ones. In
terms of not wanting them to worry and not wanting to upset them. And if I
voiced this to my Mum, she would often say “don’t do it for me! Do it for
yourself!”
I came to realise
something though – something which I’d encourage others to try to consider for
their own mental health recovery – for a long time, I didn’t like myself, I
didn’t want to be alive, I didn’t think recovery was possible, and I didn’t
care what happened to me. So, focusing on my loved ones and doing things for
their sake, ended up keeping me alive long enough to develop the opposite to
those thoughts and feelings. To start wanting to live. To stop feeling
suicidal. To stop experiencing horrific flashbacks of the rape and abuse. And I
honestly think that if I hadn’t used others as motivation to keep going, I
wouldn’t have made it to this point. If I’d stayed concentrating on my own
thoughts, feelings, and experiences; I’d likely not have made it to this point.
But by using others to find motivation and determination to get better, I got
to the point where I genuinely began wanting that for myself too.
In addition to the
benefits being honest and open with my loved ones, another element to ‘others’
making me grateful to have reported the rape and abuse, was around other people
who were at risk of him repeating his actions towards them too. This was a hard
part to the aftermath of the trauma because – in all honesty – it brought up a
lot of very angry thoughts around blame and responsibility. Because, once
again, he was to blame for the situation, but I felt that, through absolutely
no fault of my own, I had somehow come to play a role in the safety and
vulnerability of others. I could now have an enormous role in whether my abuser
went on to hurt others. A role in whether others were going to be destroyed by
him too. And that was incredibly hard to accept and acknowledge. But I think
that the majority of the difficulty in accepting it, was caused by the fact
that I wasn’t speaking up and that I was struggling to find the bravery and
strength to go ahead and report it. And so, I felt a huge sense of guilt and worried
I was being incredibly selfish because really, I was prioritising how reporting
things would impact me over the good it could potentially do for the safety and
lives of others.
Now, something that
not many people know is that I found out my abuser had been promoted to a role
that involved safeguarding children and young people across numerous Schools –
not just the one – and realised this meant he was getting the opportunity to
interact with vulnerable kids and on a 1:1 basis. From that moment – from the
realisation – I struggled to sleep, I struggled to concentrate on studying for
my A Levels, and I struggled to mentally argue that keeping quiet was the right
thing to do. That it was the best decision. I could no longer find enough
evidence or rationale that felt adequate enough to counteract the danger a lot
of people were now in. Danger that I had the power and potential to change. As
I began to feel suicidal, I realised that my report could very realistically save
the lives of others who could be so close to ending up in the same position as
I had been, and I finally started to feel like no amount of horrible-ness that
it would cause me was worthy or enough to not report it…
Since reporting the
rape and abuse, I have – through numerous means – found out that five other
girls have come forward to report similar experiences with this person. Two of
them were apparently hurt before he hurt me and three were in the years since my
abuse finished in 2007. He denied any guilt around the first four and then I
was told that he admitted to the fifth – or sixth if you include me – one. When
I told someone, he had, they voiced the idea that he had found his conscience
and I actually laughed at the idea! Someone like him has no conscience! I mean,
any scope to having one would be illustrated if he had done it once because you
could consider that he felt bad for the impact he’d had on them. But to six
different children or young people? So, through some research and gossip, I
found out he had recently retired and realised that perhaps – and it really is
only a ‘perhaps’ because it obviously hasn’t been voiced or admitted by him – he
admitted to that most recent one because the risk of losing his job was no
longer valid or possible. And his job meant everything to him – I mean, it was
the way he was able to hurt all of us. It was the thing that provided him with
the ability and opportunity to do it all.
A number of months
ago, I found out that as like the previous four, the fifth girl has now
committed suicide and since CPS have stuck fast with their refusal to pursue my
case – despite his admission to this sixth accusation – I no longer receive
updates on the case. I worried initially that her suicide would mean nothing
could happen but then I thought about murder cases in that a person is dead,
but the murderer is still prosecuted and punished. So, hopefully the girl’s
claims are still being pursued and his admission is still valid and useful to
the case. Speaking of ‘murder’ I honestly believe that that’s what he's done –
murdered five girls. I recognise taking responsibility for the way you cope
with something traumatic being done to you, but if someone hadn’t done that to
you, would you be having to decide how to cope? Basically, would those girls
have committed suicide if he hadn’t given them reason to?
Initially, their
deaths – which have come up gradually over the years since reporting my own
experience – were incredibly destabilising and triggering for me and my own
thoughts around suicide and self-harm. But eventually – for a couple of years
now – I have turned it into some sort of motivation. Some sort of reason to
continue with my own life in the hope that I can see any kind of ‘justice’
being served for all of us. I mean, there’s every chance that even more people will
come forward or that he’ll end up admitting to those of us who have reported
it. And I want to be here to see what happens to him. I want to be here to see
him finally receive some sort of horrible and well-deserved consequences for
his actions. And I want to make all those girls proud. I want them to see my
successes and think of them as some sort of mutual victory. Like, we’re all
winning. We’re all beating him.
With this reason, the
helpful DBT skills here are related to relationships in a whole range of
various ways:
1.
DEAR MAN: This skill is from the
Interpersonal Effectiveness module and is all about assertiveness in
communication with others. The first four letters stand for elements relevant
to what you say and the other three are around how you say it. So, it stands
for: describe, express, assert, reinforce and then mindful, appear confident,
and negotiate. For more: DEAR
MAN: DBT Exercises, Worksheets, Videos
2.
GIVE: This is also from the
Interpersonal Effectiveness module and focuses on how to keep relationships and
connections healthy and respectful through being gentle, acting interested,
validating, and using an easy manner. For more: GIVE
Skill: DBT Exercises, Worksheets, Videos
3.
FAST: This skill is also from
Interpersonal Effectiveness but is all about how to carry yourself throughout
tough and challenging conversations with others – especially those where it’s
tempting to ‘give in.’ This is down through being fair, making no apologies,
sticking to your values, and being truthful. For more: FAST
Skill: DBT Exercises, Worksheets, Videos
4.
Finally, there are a number of more
general parts to the website used in all of the skills in this blog post which
are useful for relationships in a more holistic sense, there’s one on
validation and listening (which you can read here),
one on trust in relationships (which you can read here),
and the final is useful for resistance and conflict and you can read that one here.
The final reason for
being grateful that I reported the rape and abuse I experienced is about how
speaking up and finally telling professionals what had happened to me, meant
that I could receive better, more appropriate, effective, and efficient help
and support because they finally knew and had some understanding as to why I
actually even needed it.
When I made my first
suicide attempt in 2009, I was told by A&E staff that the medical procedure
to what I’d done was that I had to wait four hours before they could do my
blood tests. So, I ended up running away from the Hospital, but because of what
I’d done and why I was there, the staff called the Police and they found me within
half an hour, just before I had reached the nearest town centre! On taking me
back, I remember hearing one of the Officers talking to a Nurse outside my room
and she said that they didn’t have enough staff to sit with me and he said,
“don’t worry, we can 136 her if she does it again.” Now, I had no idea what
this meant so when one Officer left and the other Officer and a Nurse took me
to the toilets and their backs were turned, I literally bolted for the main
entrance of the Hospital. I actually ran so fast that the automatic doors
didn’t have time to register my presence and hadn’t opened fully so I crashed
straight into them (the lovely Police Officer who was chasing me later said he
hadn’t known whether to stop and laugh or keep chasing me!). But, having rarely
been to the Hospital before, I didn’t know where I was going and when the doors
didn’t fully open, I ran down another corridor and ended up in a dead end!
As the Officer and a
Nurse dragged me, crying, back to A&E, he was saying “this is going to mean
you’re under a 136 now, I’ll have to get the other Officer to come out because
I’ve not even had to do this before!” So, we ended up back in this tiny room in
A&E and the other Officer came back with a whole bunch of paperwork and
stood just outside the door with the Officer who’d stayed with me, explaining
specific bits of the forms. Then I heard the knowledgeable one asking, “have
you told her what’s happening?” But I didn’t hear the other Officer reply and
nothing else was said to me! I had no idea that I was actually now detained
under section 136 of the 1983 Mental Health Act which is the legal power that
the Police have to basically keep hold of someone who they believe is a risk to
themselves or others and is in a public place. The process though, is that once
under the 136 Section, the person has to undergo a Mental Health Act assessment
by two Psychiatrists and an Approved Mental Health Practitioner (AMHP –
typically a Social Worker) within twenty-four hours (though if that’s unable to
happen, this can be extended by a further 12 hours). For anyone reading this
and curious to know more about Section 136 and the rights that the person has, the
mental health charity: Mind, actually have a great page on it: Sections
135 and 136 - legal information.
Anyway, I’m unsure how
this happened because I wasn’t medically fit and that’s something which has
come up every time, I’ve been 136’d since this first one, but in this first
incident, I was given my Act assessment before even staring the medical
antidote for what I’d taken in my suicide attempt. I do wonder if they were
able to do it because I was refusing to have the treatment and perhaps that
meant they could do the assessment because sectioning me at the assessment
would give them the right and power to administer the treatment against my
will. So, I was taken to another larger room in A&E – I actually think it
was the Relative’s Room – and I saw two Psychiatrists and a Social Worker who
all switched my detention to being under a section 2 of the 1983 Act (there’s
more information on that on the Mind website too, here).
Now, unknown to me,
apparently when they were sectioning me – or making the decision to do so – one
of the Psychiatrists spoke to my Mum and told her that a huge reason for
detaining me further was because no one knew why I’d made the attempt. This has
obviously and understandably left me always wondering if things would have been
different – if they would have reached the same decision – if I had broken down
straightaway and told them about the rape and abuse and that I’d started
hearing auditory hallucinations that had gotten progressively worse just ten
days previously. And it made me wonder, if I’d known that not telling them had
contributed so massively to their decision, and if I’d known what their
decision really meant – what being sectioned would feel like and what it would
be the start of – would I have given in and spilled everything in order to
avoid hospital and everything that came with/because of it?
Something I know I
would have done? If I’d known that being so mistreat by mental health services
and professionals would end if they were either trained in my diagnosis of
Borderline Personality Disorder or if I were put in a specialist hospital? I’d
have fought for those things to happen. Definitely. I honestly feel that I
almost didn’t make it – because of the mistreatment. There were countless
instances where I was asked “why didn’t you ring the Crisis Team before you did
it?” and the answer was “because they can make it even worse!” I once called
them and their response was “Aimee, if you want to make an attempt then go
ahead and do it; we aren’t here to help just you!”
Do I appreciate that
yes, they’re a very over-stretched service that’s fighting to carry out the
duties and responsibilities it has? Yes. Do I see that there aren’t enough
staff for the Team to do these things? Absolutely! But why do I agree with
those things? Because I’m one of the many service users to have been mistreated
because of those two things: because they’re so busy and because they don’t
have enough staff; they’ve mistreated me – and countless others! And how do I
know that’s why? Because they’ve literally said it to me! They’ve literally
said to me “there’s not enough staff to deal with you as well!” and “we’re
already too busy for you to ring too!” Some may argue that those comments sound
slightly humorous… Not when you’re suicidal. Not when you’re only ringing
because if you don’t, someone is bound to ask you why you didn’t. Because no
other professionals believe they’re this bad and this unhelpful.
The most telling
comment that services in my locality weren’t good enough for people with BPD
was actually made by a member of staff in the specialist hospital I ended up in
after being on life support in 2012. She said, “if you’d lived in our locality,
you’d have been admitted after the first instance.” Instead, during a Tribunal
at that specialist hospital, I was told that my records showed over 60
admissions between my first suicide attempt and the one where I was put on life
support. And with me being aware of the majority of what those 60 instances
were, I’m able to say that I could have very realistically lost my life on more
than half of those. But it took being on life support for my local services to
sit up and say, “she needs better help than we can provide.” And do you know
what’s sad? Part of me honestly wonders if it’s a pride thing. Like, to have
gotten the funding for me to go to that specialist hospital, my local NHS Trust
had to admit that they had no adequate services. No adequate staff.
If you can’t tell from
what I’ve just said that comment from the specialist hospital staff about being
admitted a lot sooner, actually caused a lot of negative thoughts and feelings
about my local NHS Trust! I found myself having a whole ton of resentment and
anger towards them and this meant that when I was ready to be discharged from
the specialist hospital and come to a rehab unit nearer home, I was terrified
that the Trust’s staff and services had the very real chance of undoing all the
hard work I’d put into recovery. So, I was absolutely over the moon to find out
that when I did come back North in 2014, the Trust had actually created an
entire Personality Disorder Hub full of specialist professionals who treated, helped,
and supported solely those with that diagnosis.
Admittedly, this did
cause one difficult thought and that was around the fact that this was a
service and staff who I had so badly needed. It made me question how worthy I
was of help because I had thoughts around the idea that surely if they’d
thought I was deserving of being properly helped and supported, surely, they’d
have worked on creating such a service when I was struggling and unsafe…?! And
it brought up thoughts on how my rape and abuse might have affected the way I
was treated because I found out that before disclosing those traumatic
experiences, the psychiatric staff were considering a diagnosis of
Schizophrenia… As though you can’t have that diagnosis when you’ve been through
a trauma! And, whilst I most certainly do not want that diagnosis; it did
initially add to some very little thoughts on regretting reporting the abuse.
Fortunately, because
of the eventual admission to the specialist hospital (which I wouldn’t have
been able to access without the diagnosis of BPD), I came to the positive and
productive conclusion that professionals knowing what I’d been through, was a
positive thing because it meant getting the right diagnosis and that meant I
was eventually able to access the right treatment and support. The treatment
and support which was well and truly lifesaving.
The following part is actually taken from a previous blog post and I
received a lot of positive and grateful comments and feedback on it, so I
thought I would repeat it here; but I just wanted to acknowledge that it was
from a previous post (which you can read here).
Fortunately, there are so many forms of professional help and support
for survivors of rape and/or abuse, so – rather than trying to choose a handful
from those – I decided to just link some entire Help Directories where websites
have listed numerous services and resources specialising in helping and
supporting survivors of these traumas:
Helplines & Webchat Services - Survivors
Network
Help after rape and sexual assault - NHS
If You Need Help Now - The Survivors Trust
Support for victims of sexual violence and abuse -
GOV.UK
BBC - Information and Support: Sexual Abuse and
Violence
Our list of organisations & groups that help
survivors of abuse.
Support for men and boys | Rape Crisis England
& Wales
Get help after rape or sexual assault | Rape Crisis
England & Wales