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“To all the people who said I wouldn’t make it… you were wrong”
Starting this Birthday post the stereotypical way with: ‘I can’t believe’ I’m thirty years old! And ‘it feels like it’s gone so fast!’ But, enough of the cheese ball content, here are thirty random (and I mean RANDOM!) thoughts that I’ve had while thinking about my thirtieth Birthday…
1. “But I don’t feel Thirty!”
I remember when I saw a Psychologist in the specialist hospital, and she wanted to teach me a skill on how to question detrimental beliefs e.g. ‘I don’t deserve help.’ I chose to work on my belief that I would die young because I felt that it was a huge motivator to my conviction that I should continue to make suicide attempts. That making those attempts, was my destiny and I was just fulfilling my purpose.
When I talked it through with the Psychologist, I found holes in my theory and creating a list of evidence that I was right, and reasons I was wrong, really helped to put things into perspective and recognise that this belief wasn’t of my own creation – it’d been caused by professionals telling me that I wouldn’t make it to my nineteenth Birthday, but they definitely hadn’t encouraged me to make it happen. I was encouraging myself. I had to take responsibility for how I had interpreted their words and for all the actions I took to make their prediction correct. It was that Psychologist who first said to me “instead of making them right, why don’t you prove them all wrong?”