Number One
Learning
how to edit the layout myself.
In the
beginning, my best-friend Chelsea did the layouts and it meant that every time
I wanted even the smallest of changes made to it, I had to go ask her and then
she could only do it when she got a chance. I obviously really appreciated her
help in those first months but as I enjoyed blogging more and as Chelsea’s
discharge from hospital was being discussed, I realised it needed to be
something I could do myself. Before Chelsea left hospital, I made sure that the
layout and design of I'm NOT Disordered was good so that I had time to learn
how to do it all before I fancied a change. When I did want a change, I
realised that some of it was common sense and the trickier bits, I learnt from
How-To videos on YouTube. It’s reassuring that I don’t have to rely on someone
to make me happy with my blog’s appearance. It’s rewarding too; when I do it
myself and people compliment it!
Number Two
Zoella and
all of her achievements and successful blog.
I can’t
even remember how I discovered Zoella but it was very recent; hence my sudden
obsession! As I read her blog and watched her vlogs and YouTube videos, and
she’s such a likeable person. Then, when I discovered she had difficulty with
anxiety I became more interested in learning about her. And it seemed that her
world was taking off! She released her Zoella Beauty line and then her book 'Girl Online' and that was when I realised she was my inspiration. I've always wanted
to have a book about my life and to get ‘out there’ in the media about my
recovery. From Zoella, I learnt to use the success of my blog to get
opportunities for myself; such as guest posts from important mental health
professionals and the front page of my local paper.
Number Three
Receiving
positive feedback from readers/viewers.
With me
blogging about things that are often incredibly personal, it’s encouraging to
get compliments and support from people. Especially absolute strangers. I guess
it feels as though I'm giving so much of myself away and positive feedback
makes it all seem worth it. If I share a story of when I've had hallucinations
that’ve commanded me to self-harm and tell people how I resisted and then I get
a comment from a stranger telling me I've given them hope or that they tried
the same coping mechanism and it worked, it is the biggest reward. It’s the best
motivation to continue blogging. When life throws up challenges or I begin to
doubt myself; I keep going. Because people rely on me to help them. To make
them feel that there’s a chance. That if someone like me can be in recovery,
then there’s a chance for them too. At first, this seemed like a massive
pressure, especially when I realised that being in recovery didn't mean you no
longer self-harm. And when I got sectioned, I was so scared that it’d take hope
away from people that I debated telling anyone but I soon realised that people
should know the full story. ‘Recovery’ was painted out to me as though it were
a bed of roses and so when I had the old thoughts and feelings, I was devastated.
And I realised that blogging this, meant I could help stop the same fear from
happening to others.
