I really wanted to write a post on how to support someone who
struggles with their mental health around Christmastime but since I’m not one
of those people, I don’t think I’d be the best person to give advice!
I’ve always been a Christmassy person and whilst bad things have
happened at Christmas – one year I was in a Psychiatric Hospital, another we
lost our family cat… I haven’t let them shape future ones. I get people asking
me all the time how I ‘got better’ and how I can just ‘move on’ from the abuse
and these other bad moments and I just think that I don’t have the choice! I
mean, how could I give someone or something the power to ruin such a joyful time
of the year? And some people will say that they aren’t ‘allowing’ it to be that
way and that if they had a choice then they wouldn’t ‘choose to be sad on
Christmas.’ But I don’t think it’s about choice; I think it’s about acceptance.
Accepting these things have happened to you, accepting they’re in the past, and
accepting that you have a future without them.
I was talking to my Richmond Fellowship support worker earlier
today about how I keep feeling sad when I think about how this will be my first
Christmas without Dolly (my cat) and she pointed out that it’s also the first
Christmas with Emmy (my kitten)! And sometimes that’s how you have to think –
force yourself to think of the positive that’s come out of it. And I don’t just
mean my kitten! My blog too! A huge positive to have come from what I went
through is I’m NOT Disordered. And maybe you haven’t found a positive yet; but
how will you ever find one if you don’t allow yourself to enjoy life again?!
Do
Utilise out-of-hour services/support e.g. Samaritans or your local
Crisis Team – you’re not being a burden; it’s what they’re there for
Don’t
Change the usual traditions to fit around someone struggling – it’ll
make them feel like a complete inconvenience and will justify any thoughts that
family and friends are better off without them
Do
Make the effort to keep in touch with those who are alone over the
Holidays
Don’t
Overwhelm Eating Disorder sufferers with food – respect their
struggle and make accommodations for them whilst also allowing others to still
enjoy the festive foods
Do
Show gratitude when someone has put in a lot of effort for you –
whether that be through presents, sending you a Christmas card, or offering to
shovel your driveway
Don’t
Assume that everyone with a mental health illness will struggle at
Christmas – some support services say it’s their busiest time of the year but
that doesn’t make it a rule for everyone
Do
Find a balance between being selfish and selfless – at a time of
the year when some people are being showered with gifts it’s important to appreciate
that some are not in that position but it’s equally important that you enjoy yourself
Don’t
Allow other Christmases to shape future ones – it’s difficult not
to associate bad memories with particular dates and occasions but there’s a
difference between recognizing them, accepting they happened, moving on and
allowing them to spoil the ‘most wonderful time of the year’ every year
Do
Tell your CPN, support worker, Psychologist… anyone! That you
struggle at Christmastime - they can help you come up with a plan to keep you
safe
Don’t
Forget your medication – a lot of people visit their family over
Christmas and I always find that where I’m looking forward to something or
planning for something, I often forget my medication – whether that’s to bring
it with me or to actually take it!
Do
Allow yourself some sort of ‘treat’ – that will mean different
things to different people but for me, it was buying a bottle of Baileys! (it’s
on offer in Morrisons!)
Don’t
Expect everyone to feel the same as you do about Christmas – as someone
who really enjoys this time of year, it’s difficult reign in my Christmas
spirit(!) but it’s important to put the effort in where it’s necessary in the
same way that I’d hope people would for me