THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN & MENTAL HEALTH | MY THREE DAYS IN COLDSTREAM

I’ve honestly been wracking my brains to think of a way to wangle my trip to Coldstream into a blog post and finally thought of this! So, the inspiration for this post about how the ‘unknown’ can impact our mental health, has come from the fact I’ll be travelling on a train for the first time since the UK lockdown…

I’ve seen so many people talk about their anxiety at the thought of lockdown regulations and social distancing guidelines being reduced and loosened to the point where many people now have the opportunity to do something, they haven’t for over a year. Seeing these people talk about their fear of these big changes, inspired me to consider my own thoughts on the rules being slackened and I kind of felt ‘bad’ when I realised, I didn’t have much hesitation or anxiety on this.

That ‘bad’ notion stemmed from that feeling most people get when they hear of someone struggling with something, they might not even give a second glance. Or worse still, to hear of someone actually fearful of something you/I actually really enjoy. For me, this way of thinking came from my time in psychiatric hospitals when I had the sharp realisation that there were a lot of things in my life that I’d maybe taken for granted and I learnt this because so many other inpatients didn’t have these things.

Something important to say at this point is that you’re allowed to struggle even when you begin to consider yourself ‘lucky’ in some respects compared to others… I mean, the most notable realisation I had in hospital was when I heard so many inpatients talk about their parents and difficult – or even completely non-existent – relationships with them. It left me wondering if I’d really taken my Mum’s unwavering and unconditional support for granted; and this led to the thought process I want to discourage: ‘do I have the right to struggle when I have something someone else doesn’t?’

DEAR GREYLAN | MY BEST-FRIEND HAD A BABY BOY!!!

Dear Greylan,

When I first stumbled on your Mum’s Myspace (don’t ask – it was trendy back then!) through having some mutual friends, my first thought was ‘she has such a good taste in music’ because her profile song was amazing, and I hadn’t heard it before! And how grateful am I for not knowing the name of the song or who sung it? SO grateful because it was the reason for me to actually contact Lauren and ask the name of it so I could go download (yes, we did that back in those days!) it. By the way, it turned out to be She’s So Lovely by Scouting for Girls!

When I ended up transferring to your Mum’s school to study, I remember seeing her and telling a friend I’d talked to Lauren online and my friend said, “oh she’s so rich and popular; she won’t be your friend!” Funnily enough, your Mum was told terrible things about me too, but I have this very strong belief that what happens is meant to happen for a reason. So, I believe that your Mum and I were told those things to give us a bigger motivation to become friends and now look at our friendship! Look at all it has become. All we have become, together. So please know, that you should have faith in a friendship – that you should allow it the opportunity to flourish despite what others may think of it.

And that’s what our friendship did – it flourished. When, we finished our exams at school, most of our friends went off to University but your Mum and I didn’t, and I think that brought us closer. It kind of ignited a mutual feeling of empathy and understanding. As if we were sort of on the same path. And that path definitely led to a whole ton of alcohol (I still have photos if you want to see your Mum in a mess?!), a bunch of giggles, and a lot of adventures.