QUICK NOTE: HERE’S WHERE I’LL BE…

I just wanted to post this very tiny message to tell anyone who solely follows I’m NOT Disordered rather than my social media (all linked to the left of this page), I’m spending a lot of time on a huge project that massively relates to my blogging career and it’s meaning that I have a whole lot less time to be putting together lengthy, deep pieces of content. I’m having to prioritise though and right now, I’m enjoying working on this project more so than trying to put blog posts together. And, considering my suicide attempts and how close I came to them being successful – how I found myself on life support twice – I’m a huge fan of recognising what you love most in life and doing that!

So, I’m sorry if this is a let down to those who really revolve around I’m NOT Disordered and its content… I promise that this new project will seem completely worth it when it is finally made live on April 22^nd 2023! Until then, I’ll aim to publish one blog post at least once a fortnight!

Thanks for your time!

Aimee x

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, GRACIE

So, you may remember that I lost my cat; Emmy, a few months ago. She had been best-friends for over a year with my lop eared lionhead bunny; Luna. She was all Luna had ever known. And losing her was heartbreaking for both of us.

From the day Emmy was put to sleep, our Veterinary Practice recommended adding a bunny companion to help Luna cope with the sadness, stress and confusion of the loss. And, for a little while, I thought that I’d completely made my mind up and that I wouldn’t be getting another fluffy one. But then, Luna began depositing waste everywhere and the Vets explained it was from the stress, so I discovered Simply Beautiful Mini Lop Bunny Rabbits and on January 9^th, I added Gracie to our family!

LIVING WITH LUNA | FOUR WEEKS WITH MY NEW BUNNY | INTRODUCING DIFFERENT PETS | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION | AD

I’m stuck in the dark, but you’re my flashlight

You’re getting me, getting me through the night

Flashlight – Jessie J

This post includes a gifted item from the brand new Cats Protection clothing. You can buy my t-shirt and browse their other items here: https://catsprotectionclothing.com

 

So, I can’t believe I’ve had my little mini Lionhead, lop-eared bunny; Luna for four weeks now! Having her has been like one of those things where it feels like she’s been here forever; just because that’s how well and how quickly she has settled in… 

When my first bunny, Pixie was put to sleep in April this year, I immediately realised I’d need to make the decision as to whether or not to get another bunny. And that might sound awful that I had just lost Pixie and was already thinking about a new rabbit… but it wasn’t about replacing her in any way at all! 

It was about how having Pixie had provided such a helpful grounding technique when I would hallucinate rabbits. So, in her absence; I had the panic and concern that I wouldn’t be able to cope safely if the hallucinations were to come back (they’ve been gone for over a year now after my antipsychotic medication was increased). But, it also wasn’t even just about me and my mental health. It was also about my cat; Emmy and what the best decision would be for her and, to be fair, I initially put her before my own thoughts and feelings on it.

EVERYTHING YOU DESERVE | THREE DAYS AT THE LAKE DISTRICT WITH MY BESTFRIEND

So, me and one of my best friends; Georgie, went to the Lake District for a little three-day holiday and when talking about the trip – both before it and during it(!) – the comment ‘it’s deserved’ was often used…

I don’t want this post to be too heavy and intense, but I think it’s important that I put things into perspective in terms of the concept of someone being deserving and my journey with that mindset because my first real memory of thinking about someone being deserving of something, was very obviously and probably understandably, when I was fifteen and the abuse began in 2006.

Deserving pain…

From Day One of the abuse, I hated him. I hated him with an anger so hot and so powerful that I always worried I would end up punching him in the face – or worse! I believed he deserved pain – I mean, if he thought he had the right to hurt my body, why shouldn’t he feel that same pain?! Why should he be exempt from it? Why should he get away with hurting someone else and then suffer no consequences?!

DEAR GREYLAN | MY BEST-FRIEND HAD A BABY BOY!!!

Dear Greylan,

When I first stumbled on your Mum’s Myspace (don’t ask – it was trendy back then!) through having some mutual friends, my first thought was ‘she has such a good taste in music’ because her profile song was amazing, and I hadn’t heard it before! And how grateful am I for not knowing the name of the song or who sung it? SO grateful because it was the reason for me to actually contact Lauren and ask the name of it so I could go download (yes, we did that back in those days!) it. By the way, it turned out to be She’s So Lovely by Scouting for Girls!

When I ended up transferring to your Mum’s school to study, I remember seeing her and telling a friend I’d talked to Lauren online and my friend said, “oh she’s so rich and popular; she won’t be your friend!” Funnily enough, your Mum was told terrible things about me too, but I have this very strong belief that what happens is meant to happen for a reason. So, I believe that your Mum and I were told those things to give us a bigger motivation to become friends and now look at our friendship! Look at all it has become. All we have become, together. So please know, that you should have faith in a friendship – that you should allow it the opportunity to flourish despite what others may think of it.

And that’s what our friendship did – it flourished. When, we finished our exams at school, most of our friends went off to University but your Mum and I didn’t, and I think that brought us closer. It kind of ignited a mutual feeling of empathy and understanding. As if we were sort of on the same path. And that path definitely led to a whole ton of alcohol (I still have photos if you want to see your Mum in a mess?!), a bunch of giggles, and a lot of adventures.

BLOGMAS 2020 WITH I’M NOT DISORDERED | RECOMMENDATION TWELVE: CHRISTMAS DRINKS

Hello and welcome to recommendation number twelve of Blogmas 2020 with I’m NOT Disordered!

Today, I’ll be recommending some festive beverages for you to enjoy, with contribution from Pinterest!

 

The Grinch Punch 

ü  7-Up or Sprite

ü  Lime Sherbert

ü  Pineapple Juice

 

Bailey’s Chocolatini

BLOGMAS 2020 WITH I’M NOT DISORDERED | POST ONE: INTRODUCTION

Hello and welcome to the very first post of Blogmas 2020 with I’m NOT Disordered!

When I first started blogging in 2013, it wasn’t that I didn’t think I’m NOT Disordered had the potential to be what it is today, it was just that I hadn’t considered making it into that! My initial intention with my blog was firstly, to provide myself with a place to vent about the drama of a psychiatric inpatient ward, and to process my thoughts as I began recovering from Borderline Personality Disorder. And secondly, I hoped that in writing about my experiences, my family and friends (my target audience) would gain better insight into what I was going through in the hospital I was in over 100 miles away from them.

MY DREAM CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

I’ve seen so many Christmas trees being put up that it’s getting me even more excited and festive! It feels like Blogmas is just around the corner (this year I’ll be publishing a blog post from December 1^st until Christmas Day) and so I wanted to start introducing Christmassy content to I’m NOT Disordered a bit early…

I don’t want to spoil the upcoming content, but a lot of the collaborations are with affordable brands, so I thought it’d be cool to do a post where I could really let my dreams and imagination run wild and look through the Christmas decorations from more high-end retailers. Doing this, actually reminds me a lot of my Nana because when I was younger, we would cut things we could never afford out of catalogues and stick them down.

It’s good to do something just for a fun too. Like, being a mental health Blogger; it’s kind of obvious that I spend a lot of my time creating content that’s really deep and which has a lot of emotion to it. I talk a lot about difficult subjects like self-harm, suicide, abuse, rape, mental illness…it isn’t very often that I get to publish a piece which is more light-hearted and enjoyable to create and to look at!

 

For prices & more products: Fenwick

DESIGNING A LINE FOR BANDANA BOWTIQUE & FAVOURITE PHOTOS | CELEBRATING MY CAT’S TWO YEAR ADOPTAVERSARY | AD

*this post is in partnership with Bandana Bowtique*

Just over two years ago my fluffy Maine Coon cat; Dolly, was put to sleep and my lop-eared, Lionhead bunny; Pixie, and I quickly realised that we needed a third member for our family to feel whole. Losing Dolly definitely bonded Pixie because I felt that she was the only one to really understand what it meant to go through that loss. But Pixie was missing having a friend, she would follow me everywhere and was constantly wanting cuddles. And I missed having a cat in my life because I’d had at least one for over ten years (there’d been a family cat while I was living with my Mum)!

So, within a week of losing Dolly, I began looking for a new addition to the family and my Mum came across Emmy (known as Jennifer at the Adoption Centre) on Facebook! Seeing her photo, I had the exact same instinct I’d had with Dolly in that I was absolutely certain that she was meant to be a part of our family. And seeing her very unique markings, I felt a sort of kinship to her because I’ve always felt that my mental health and experiences have made me different and have left me feeling very aware of that. So I felt some sort of empathy for Emmy and immediately decided to visit Willows Cat Adoption Centre… here’s a video of our first meeting:

WHY I’M PLANNING BLOGMAS IN SEPTEMBER

No, that title is no joke; I really have started producing content for Blogmas 2020! I actually did a poll on my Twitter too to see if anyone else was, and I got a unanimous ‘no!’

I was in two minds about writing this post because part of me was worried that people would think I was trying to ‘justify’ my decision and would believe I should be more confident and not worry what others think. But the other part of me – the part which has won! – wanted to do this post to maintain the usual ethos of I’m NOT Disordered; and that is to help others understand someone else’s decision, experiences, behaviour, thoughts, feelings, and attitude, in a bid to encourage them not to hold any sort of stigma or discrimination  against those they feel that they can’t identify with. I also hoped that this post might be an opportunity to encourage others to have confidence and courage in talking about any decisions they’ve made that they worry might be deemed ‘unpopular.’

A few reasons led to my decision to start planning for Blogmas…

THREE LESSONS I’VE LEARNT FROM MY GOD CHILDREN | MY TRIP TO SEE THEM IN EDINBURGH

I’m forever grateful for the fact that I was so late to my A Level History class that the only empty seat left in the classroom was beside Ellie! Sitting beside her, I didn’t ever imagine we’d be best-friends thirteen years later and that she’d be Mum to my three incredible Godchildren!

Due to work and school opportunities, Ellie and her husband moved the family to a town just outside of Edinburgh and with the UK lockdown pretty much immediately following their move, I’ve not been able to visit until now! And the trip to see them all was my inspiration for this post…

You should always appreciate time spent with loved ones

The initial lockdown regulations meant that I couldn’t see my oldest God Son (Jonas) for his Tenth Birthday so I sent presents and was sent a photo of him with his gifts and the biggest, cheesiest smile on his face! As happy as I was to know he had liked his presents (a Lego Sports Car & American Candy!), losing the ability to see him was really triggering of my memories around being in the psychiatric hospital over 100 miles away for two and a half years. Being in the hospital for so long meant that I missed out on the majority of Jonas’ life aged 2 - 4, and being in and out of hospitals for the last six years has meant that I’ve missed out on some milestones for my God Daughter; Emmy (yes I named my cat after my God Daughter!), and my youngest God Son, Kasper. 

MY TOP TEN SELF-CARE PRODUCTS TO GET YOU THROUGH THE LOCKDOWN | ASOS, BOOTS, AMAZON, B&M & DISNEY

 So, there’s been a lot of tweets recently of people sharing their Amazon Wishlist’s for complete strangers to purchase items for them… I think it’s not just an incredibly kind and generous (no matter the price of the item) gesture, but it’s also illustrating the power and influence that material items can have on your mental wellbeing. I’ve been called ‘materialistic’ a number of times over the years and at first, I would argue against the label which seemed so offensive; and then I realized that the fact I appreciate material things and find that they benefit my mental health shouldn’t be an insult!

So, with that in mind; I’ve put together a little list of self-care products that I think could help you through the Coronavirus Lockdown…

1.       Anatomicals Cruisin’ For A Snozzin’ Sleep Kit £8.50

MY FAVOURITE QUOTES & HOW I RELATE FROM 20 FILMS IN MY DISNEY PLUS WATCHLIST!! | IN COLLABORATION WITH DISNEY PLUS UK | AD

“Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, dreams are forever”

-          Walt Disney

So, there’s been two blog posts (the first is here and the second here) on the Coronavirus and the subsequent lockdown and I think two is understandable – I mean, I’d be silly to not blog about such a current issue that’s affecting so many people (including me and my family and friends) and in such an enormous way. I think, though, that it’s important to get a balance with the negatives and positives in life; and so many positives have come from the reality of our situation. One of these has been that the launch of Disney Plus on March 24^th came at the most appropriate of times! Just when everyone is desperate to find something to keep them busy through lockdown, Disney present us with a hugely helpful service!

For just £5.99 a month or £59.99 a year, you can have access to a ridiculous amount of Disney films and TV seasons! I literally didn’t know what to watch first – if you’re wondering, I finally opted for Frozen!

Anyway! As a belated celebration of the launch of Disney Plus – and to hopefully convince some of you to sign up for it too – I’ve chosen a favourite quote from the top 20 movies in my Disney Plus watchlist:

Beauty & The Beast

“Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong” – Mrs Potts

Ok, so I kind of cheated and used song lyrics for this one but I liked them! In June 2012, when I woke up from life support in Intensive Care after making a suicide attempt, I agreed to go to a specialist psychiatric hospital over 100 miles from home. I agreed because I knew that’s what everyone wanted me to do. I agreed because if I hadn’t; I’d have been sent there anyway and I didn’t want to lose control of the decision. I made the decision to be an inpatient with the conviction that I would and could never change. I honestly believed that I was stuck with mental health problems and would end up killing myself before I had the chance to feel better.

ESSENTIAL ITEMS FOR BLOGGERS

So, I know I’m NOT Disordered is all about mental health and that my posts are usually very deep and meaningful with lots of talk about difficult subjects like self-harm and abuse; but the blog began for my own gain and enjoyment and it’d be sad to lose that when I really enjoy doing these sorts of posts too… Originally, I started blogging for many reasons but it was largely to do with the fact that I enjoyed writing and found it very therapeutic and beneficial to my mental health. Perhaps I’m NOT Disordered wouldn’t be so popular if I found it more of a chore and considered it to be more like work.

There has to be a balance though; with my blog now having over half a million readers, I can’t exactly half ass it and stop putting so much dedication and effort into the content. Well, I could; but I’d feel as though I were letting a lot of people – including myself – down by failing to provide  the helpful, validating, reassuring, safe space that  I feel – and have been told – I’ve created in continuing to dedicate a large part of my time and effort to I’m NOT Disordered. I guess it’s no surprise that from the outside, my blogging and social media posting is often mistakenly labelled work and I’m frequently being advised to take time ‘off.’ I just don’t think I could justify calling this work when I enjoy it as much as I do!

Having now blogged for over seven years (you can read I’m NOT Disordered’s Birthday post here) and having as many readers as I do, I feel that I’m maybe now qualified to give advice and tips to other Bloggers or potential Bloggers. After recently signing a contract with O2 for the iPad 7^th generation in the 10.2” screen size, I was inspired to write this post about products and items that I’d advise you own to aid in your Blogging adventures!!

STATIONERY

A Fancy Pen: Gold Twist Pen – Dangling ‘A’ : £8.00

HAPPY SEVENTH BIRTHDAY I’M NOT DISORDERED!!!

As if seven years have gone by with, I’m NOT Disordered! I mean, when – earlier in the last year – we reached half a million readers, I found it so strange to think that the blog has come this far and yet I still remember the day I started it!

I had been a sectioned inpatient in a psychiatric hospital over 100 miles away from home for almost a year when my Key Nurse and I had a very intense 1:1 in the conference room. We decided that every evening, I’d write a little bit about the abuse for the staff to read so that they could better understand me, and so that I would have an outlet. I was so confident that agreeing to do this was the making of my recovery that I decided I should keep some sort of record of things as they improved. I don’t know why a diary or journal didn’t cross my mind; just… for some reason I opened up my laptop (which I was allowed at nighttime) and created a Blogger account…

How strange is it to think that something that has played such a hugely incredible part of my life started out so simply and in such an unimportant way?! But maybe that has helped build my blog into what it is today; that I didn’t start it for the freebies; the gifted products and the PR trips. I’m NOT Disordered is about educating others in mental health and helping those struggling to see that they are not alone.

So, to celebrate another year of being able to do that - and more(!) - and with over half a million of you, here’s a little post:

First Birthday:

http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2014/01/happy-first-birthday-im-not-disordered.html

Second Birthday:

http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2015/01/happy-second-birthday-im-not-disordered.html

Third Birthday:

http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2016/01/happy-third-birthday-im-not-disordered.html

Fourth Birthday:

www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2017/01/happy-fourth-birthday-im-not-disordered.html

Fifth Birthday:

www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2018/01/happy-fifth-birthday-im-not-disordered.html

Sixth Birthday:

http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2019/01/happy-sixth-birthday-im-not-disordered.html

BLOGMAS 2019 – POST NINETEEN : LALEELAND LDN | ETSY COLLABORATION | AD

Thanks to a poll on my Twitter back in November, my wonderful followers decided that I should publish a blog post and film a vlog every day for the entirety of December! 

So welcome to December 19th…

Today is all about my collaboration with one very special brand on Etsy, in this post I’ll be reviewing the products they sent to me and on December 23rd you can enter a competition to win these products and the remaining one that I’ll be reviewing in two days’ time!



This post is in collaboration with the incredible London-based Etsy store; Laleeland LDN who kindly gifted me a few products; namely the Serotonin and the ‘keep going, be brave, be strong’ bracelets but also some other bits that will be a surprise for the lucky competition winner!

For this post, I thought I’d concentrate on taking inspiration from the Serotonin bracelet which has a purple band and is made up of the chemical symbol for Serotonin (which I think is such a genius idea!). So, I’ll be talking about the top five things to make me happy…

1.    My Mum

Of course, Mum come first! For my entire life it has been Mum and I as a little team but boy, do we make a strong team! Hopefully, just saying that will help you to understand the magnitude of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital over 100 miles away from home for two and a half years. To be honest, in the beginning, I think that I was so mentally unwell that it really didn’t hit me being so far away from Mum until a few months into my admission.


Getting leave to go home every so often wasn’t enough and it was so incredibly hard to then leave Mum all over again and go back to the hospital where I didn’t know when I’d next be allowed to leave (I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act).

BLOGMAS 2019 – POST SEVENTEEN : A BAND OF HOPE | ETSY COLLABORATION | AD

Thanks to a poll on my Twitter back in November, my wonderful followers decided that I should publish a blog post and film a vlog every day for the entirety of December!

So welcome to December 17th…

Today is all about my collaboration with one very special brand on Etsy, in this post I’ll be reviewing the products they sent to me and on December 23rd you can enter a competition to win these products and the remaining two that I’ll be reviewing every other day this month!



Ok, so I won’t lie; I’ve annoyed myself a bit with this post so I thought maybe I’d just bluff my way through it but you know how I pride myself on being honest with you guys… So, I received A LOT of goodies from A Band of Hope but have only taken pics of some of them so to see more, you’ll just have to enter the competition!



In the meantime, though, here’s three of the various badges and what they mean to me:



‘More Than My Illness’ 

 


I absolutely love this badge because it pretty much sums up the method behind the blog’s name. ‘I’m NOT Disordered’ came from my determination to show others that I may have a diagnosis but that is not who I am. It’s a part of me, yes; but it isn’t the only part of me.


A little while ago, the powers that be changed the name Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) to Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) and when I first heard this, I actually laughed out loud! I mean, personally? My problem (and others have agreed) with the label is the ‘Personality’ part of it and not the part that they changed!

BLOGMAS 2019 – POST SIX : CHRISTMAS DRINKS WITH THE CREATIVE WRITING CLASS

Thanks to a poll on my Twitter back in November, my wonderful followers decided that I should publish a blog post and film a vlog every day for the entirety of December!

So welcome to December 6th…

A little while ago, I enrolled on a Creative Writing course through Northumberland County Council and have been thoroughly enjoying it – to the point where I was genuinely devastated when the Tutor called in sick one week!

I took a Creative Writing course at Bradford College while I was an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital down there and really enjoyed it and not just because it was much-needed time off the ward; but because it gave me the chance to do something I really enjoyed with like-minded people.

Ever since I was really young, I’ve enjoyed writing; obviously at first it was more about short stories with horses in every single one than deep and meaningful mental health blog posts but still, it was writing! Even before the abuse - in my happy, innocent childhood – I enjoyed the escapism and having the ability to get lost, or even just distracted, with the life of someone or something else. I actually enjoyed writing so much that one of Middle School teachers predicted that I’d be a Journalist when I grew up!

BLOGMAS 2019 – POST THREE : THE HAPPI EMPIRE | ETSY COLLABORATION | AD

Thanks to a poll on my Twitter back in November, my wonderful followers decided that I should publish a blog post and film a vlog every day for the entirety of December!

So welcome to December 3^rd…

Today is all about my collaboration with one very special brand on Etsy, in this post I’ll be reviewing the products they sent to me and on December 23rd you can enter a competition to win these products and the remaining nine that I’ll be reviewing every other day this month!


The first of the Etsy products is this little mindfulness journal by the wonderful Happi Empire who are based in Perranporth, England. 


When I first began learning Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) as an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital specializing in Personality Disorders, I absolutely hated the coping skill of mindfulness! I took it to mean that in DBT they recommend that you ‘stay in the moment’ and I wholeheartedly believed that I would be unsafe if I did so. 


After the abuse in 2006 and 2007, I spent the following five years until I was admitted to the long-term hospital (for two and a half years) trying to pretend it hadn’t happened or do everything I could to block out the horrific memories. So, the last thing I wanted was to allow myself to ‘be in the moment’ where I worried that I’d end up so lost in the memories that I’d be unsafe. In all honesty, I thought that I’d end up wanting to be dead. So, I refused to engage in the Mindfulness exercises and hated completing the worksheets in group DBT sessions.

EMMY’S CHRISTMAS WISHLIST BY EMMY | IN COLLABORATION WITH PETS AT HOME | AD

This post is in collaboration with my ultimate favourite shop for goodies – Pets At Home!

My Mum did a Christmas Wishlist first (which you can read here) and then my bunny sister Pixie (who’s from Pets At Home) wrote her Wishlist (which you can read here); and now it’s my turn! And because this is a special post with Pets At Home, I’ve wrote down all of my reasons for wanting these special, Christmassy items in the hope that someone will buy them all for me!


Also, wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone at Willows Cat Adoption Centre; who are the reason I’m able to celebrate Christmas this year after saving my life from being found wandering the streets at only a few weeks old!

Mum says this present is too big for Santa’s sleigh and that I don’t need it because I have a scratch post that isn’t very old but I told her that this is a WISHlist and that means I can put all of the items I could only wish for! The gifts I dream about finding under our 6ft Christmas tree that I constantly attempt to dismantle!

Climb & Perch Cat Scratch Post £75