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“So often survivors have had their experiences denied, trivialised,
or distorted. Writing is an important avenue for healing because it gives you
the opportunity to define your own reality. You can say: ‘this did happen to
me. It was that bad. It was the fault and responsibility of the adult. I was –
and am – innocent.’”
Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
April 20th
is one of those anniversaries where it alternates each year with either feeling
like what happened on this date in 2007 (the ‘end’ of the abuse) occurred just
the other day or an entire lifetime ago! Ironically though, this post is
something I’ve actually wanted to write for a long time, but I’ve always been
really aware that if I even hover towards using the wrong words, it could be a
disaster. Now that I’ve ‘relapsed’ in my mental health though, I feel more
capable of taking this risk…
If you’ve been reading, I’m NOT Disordered for some time now, you’ll probably know; but because I have so many new readers every day I didn’t want to risk not starting at the beginning. So, in 2006 a person who was of massively high standing in the community and my life and who was seen as trustworthy and respectable began abusing me. He managed to start doing it under the radar because I was attacked on my way to school one day in the November and began having panic attacks. My abuser offered to provide 1:1 support where I could go and sit with him when I was struggling or upset and so when he first hurt me; and it became the other way around (him calling me into his office) no one even batted an eyelid.