QUESTIONS I’M ASKED MOST OFTEN

I’ve been working on a question and answer piece with a very special person recently and it made me wonder whether readers would be interested in me doing a little Q&A and publicly answering the questions I’m most often asked by professionals, service users, and readers…

About my blog:

Have you always enjoyed writing?

Yes, when I was younger, I was obsessed with horses and I used to write short stories about them and characters who would go for adventures with their horses or who were teaching riding lessons like the ones I was attending. They were mostly inspired by the Sheltie book series by Peter Clover (please tell me someone else remembers those?!). My Mum and Nana would read my stories and I thought that meant I was an Author. I loved watching them read my words and it was rewarding to see their reactions to something I’d put a lot of effort into. When the abuse started though, I stopped writing so much because I was so worried that I’d end up pouring my heart out and writing about what was happening to me; and for so many reasons I had to keep it a secret.

24HRS WITH... LAUREN DEWAR, PERSONAL ASSISTANT & YOUTUBER

Date: 3rd April 2020

Why have you chosen to write about today?

I’ve often written off a day (particularly a bad one), and have never took the time to reflect on what I’ve done in a day, good or bad, and what i could have done differently. Today, i decided to reflect.

Good morning! Good morning. :)

What time did you wake up?

My first alarm went off at 6am, but i woke up and got out of bed at 7:45am.

Why did you wake up at that time?

I usually try and get up at 7am - at the very latest - 7:30am, but i couldn’t get to sleep till 2am last night through overthinking. Overthinking continued through to the morning and i struggled to get up any earlier.

Did you have a dream?

I did. I vaguely remember being in someone’s house but it was actually a shopping centre, and I was in the middle of a house party, but the party was a load of people dancing in a musical….

WHO I’M TURNING TO FOR SUPPORT DURING THE LOCKDOWN | IN JOINT PARTNERSHIP WITH BRIARDALE HOUSE & CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | AD

For the first time in forever

I finally understand

For the first time in forever

We can fix this hand in hand

-          Frozen

I’m very proud to say that this blog post is in partnership with TWO amazing organizations who are doing some incredible work in supporting vulnerable people through the Coronavirus Lockdown; the mental health NHS Trust; Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne & Wear NHS Foundation Trust (CNTW) and Briardale House.

After having received a letter to say that I’m listed as ‘extremely vulnerable’ and at a greater risk of being hospitalized should I contract the Coronavirus because I have Asthma, I was advised to isolate completely for twelve weeks from the day of receiving the letter. Up until that point, I’d been following the Government’s Lockdown instructions in only venturing from my house to do my weekly food shop and collect my medication. The thing I’d really struggled to do myself was with the food shopping side of things because I usually do my shop with my support worker from Richmond Fellowship, but unfortunately those appointments had all been turned to phone call sessions after the Lockdown was announced. I find it useful having someone with me when I have to do my food shop because otherwise, I always feel really pressured to get everything I need and pack my bags and pay as quickly as possible. When there’s someone else there, though, I am reassured that there’s less expectation and having someone to talk to when I start to stress is really comforting.

LESSONS LEARNT ABOUT RAPE & ABUSE | 13 YEARS SINCE MY ABUSE ‘ENDED'

TW: discussion of self-harm & suicide

I was sat on the bathroom floor with sharps in front of me and a strange, but sadly familiar, feeling in my entire body. My head felt full to the brim with thoughts to self-harm and an intense anger was gripping my heart. The scariest thing was that I didn’t know why, until I looked at my phone and saw the date; April 20^th. It was almost as though my mind and body were so well-adjusted to marking this day in some fashion every single year since 2007, that without even consciously noting the date, I still knew what it was!


Realizing the date, I found myself being left with a decision to make; should I go ahead and cut, or should I throw the sharps away and write a blog post about it?! Of course, I chose the latter, and not because it was the ‘easiest’ answer or the most straight-forward and without so many possible complications. I chose it because I had a choice and where there’s a choice, I will never choose self-harm anymore. If I’ve self-harmed in recent times, then it’s because I’ve felt it was the only coping mechanism robust enough to deal with whatever I was experiencing at that time.

TAKE NOTE: WHAT NOT TO SAY IN MENTAL HEALTH

Making sure that we're remembered, yeah
'Cause we all matter too
If the truth has been forbidden
Then we're breaking all the rules

So come on, come on
Come on, come on,
Let's get the TV and the radio
To play our tune again
It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events
There's no need to be afraid
I will sing with you my friend

Emeli Sande:  Read All About It (pt III)

Here’s another blog post full of advice that stems from experience rather than academic qualifications… Having been under mental health services for almost eleven years, I think that rather than wear the anniversary as a badge of pride or see it as an achievement, I’d rather use it to help others avoid being under services for that long. Part of that means also attempting to help the service providers in ensuring that they don’t repeat some of the things they said – which I now see as mistakes – to me, to others.
If you read this post and at any point think ‘there’s no way anyone would say that!’ every single comment has been said to me by a professional of some sort; Police, Paramedics, Doctors, Nurses, mental health staff… Admittedly a lot of these comments were made over the entire eleven-year period and most services have drastically improved in that time, but that doesn’t take away from the fact these comments were wrong and that people should know not to make them.
So, here are some of the worst things that have been said to me around mental health: