Note: this is part one of a two part book review! There are also two other blog posts about this book in the run-up to its launch event; that you can read here & here
When I was offered the opportunity
to work alongside an author in the midst of launching the book; I was really
excited, having never done a piece of work like this. I, myself, have always
wanted to write a book so I was keen to be so close to the journey and process
of publishing Lines From An Unfinished
Love Song.
On receiving my pre-published copy
of the book, my very first impressions as I slipped it from the envelope were
of how good the size, and width of the book felt in my hands. Perfect!
The image on the front cover was
incredibly eye-catching – I saw the two birds as symbolism of Gail and Lena
(Gail’s deceased wife) being out in the big, wide world together; exploring just
the two of them. The print effect on the trees and sun, made me think of
something being worn; perhaps Gail’s mind, heart, life, soul, head… I’ve never
deduced so much from a book’s cover as I did with Lines From An Unfinished Love Song. I believe it’s the kind of book
cover that you could see without the book title yet, still know which book it
is from. 
On turning to the back cover, I
found it interesting (in a positive way) that Gail had chosen to include a
block of text rather than the typical short paragraph you’d see on most books
on the shelves these days; I believe it makes the book even more unique – if
that’s possible! Reading the final line that ‘all proceeds from the sales of this book will go to Rape Crisis
Tyneside & Northumberland’ (note: this is a direct quote from the
author and text) made it feel that bit more special to own the book. To know
that you’ve made a positive difference just because you’re holding a book; is a
once-in-a-lifetime experience. My personal connections to the Rape Crisis
Tyneside & Northumberland centre just encouraged me even more to turn to
the first page!
Can you believe that I have written all of that before even
opening the book?
Warning: this going to sound
especially silly, BUT cracking open a brand new, perfect book is such a hard
action – I feel like the second I do so, the book is tainted and no longer
perfect. Reading the first few pages; I had no regrets!
The epigraph (‘throw your dreams into space, like a kite,
and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new
home, a new country’) by Anais Nin does an amazing job on setting the
identity, and the theme of relationship, and travel that sets the atmosphere
for Lines From An Unfinished Love Song
weaves around.
From almost the very beginning –
from ‘Sandcastles on Sundays;’ I
found a lot of Gail’s pieces quite fluid to the point where they were relaxing,
and so soothing that I fell asleep (and not out of boredom!) From reading the
italics (which explain the scenarios behind each piece) beneath the poems, I
understand that Gail used this skill to become her wife’s version of Google and
would often write poetry to describe places, feelings, views or of experiences
that her wife (Lena) was unable to experience herself. The great thing about
this is, some of the poems are so incredibly detailed that you, as the reader,
feel as though you are there; having this experience with Gail too. Another
piece that I experienced this with, was ‘Running Towards Freedom’; which gave
the same feeling as that of when you watch a nature documentary with David
Attenborough and you’re watching everything up close, in minute detail, in slow
motion and high definition.
When I was onto just the third
poem in the book, I knew it was going to my favourite. The poem is entitled
‘Others’ and was written by Gail when Lena seemed to be depressed whilst being
stationed over 300 miles from a town and surrounded by those whom she had
nothing in common with…
‘Let others lead small
lives, but not you.
Let others
argue over small things, but not you.
Let others
cry over small hurts, but not you.
Let others
leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you
Visit all the
places you yearn to see, be free.
Become all
you wish and more.
Shine like
the brightest star in the night sky every single day.’
As fantastic as all the poems in
the rest of the book were, Others; remained my favourite. I believe, it’s
something that could be written onto canvas and sold a piece of wall art. I
believe you would sell millions. I bet there are millions of people in this
world who find those words relate to their lives and think them incredibly
beautiful… Just as I do.
I must admit, I was always one of
those people who thought of poetry as lines with the words at the end rhyming;
obviously I’ve been educated since then and have read ‘poetry’ that isn’t all
about rhyming. However, I was pleased to see – and found it comforting – that
Gail had written, and included several pieces of such poetry; ‘Morning meadow
thoughts’ being one and my favourite examples of this, being: ‘Curious, so
curious.’ I read the piece in a vet’s surgery (of all places!), and found it so
amusing and entertaining that I found myself stifling my laughter at the ending
(Lena’s response to the lines ‘If willows
weep do ashes burn, when cricketers get out? But most of all I’d like to know,
What men are all about?’ in the poem); ‘I do not fully understand this,
will you tell me when we meet next please, the poem and men.’ Another brilliant
example of ‘stereotypical’ poetry was in the following poem: ‘Poetry of the
metronome;’ my favourite lines being ‘Poetry
by numbers, ten beats per line, maybe I’ll rebel today and write just nine.’
– Another giggle.
Speaking of amusement, the ending
of ‘Beautiful brown eyes’?? An absolute laugh-out-loud moment! ‘Take heart and
hold fast, know you are loved, just like HP sauce.’ Having met Gail on a number
of occasions, I feel like these relaxing, amusing, and well-planned pieces are
such a good example of her personality and character. She’s the sort of (rare)
person who can be completely devoted to a deep conversation about massive
life-changing issues, but could then turn to another person and have a
light-hearted joke. It’s something that I think I’ve learnt how to do through
my own mental health recovery and after we met, Gail and I both agreed on our
similarities and the feeling that we would be friends now and not just
colleagues.
I was also amused by the quirky –
and slightly surprising - title ‘Sex & chocolate.’ The italics on how Lena
reacted, made it all the more hilarious – ‘I cannot look at chocolate without
having impure thoughts now, you have corrupted me…’
The most lengthy piece in the
book; ‘I see you’ made me think about
my relationship with my fiancé; Ronnie. ‘Your
neck holds your heard proudly and justifiably, your shoulders display
resilience and determination, they would shelter anyone well.’ If I hadn’t
experienced such a love and such a relationship,
then I’d have been jealous; wishing I were lucky enough to experience something
so powerful, deep, strong, and happy. But since I do have that relationship,
with that love; the piece just prompts me into remembering how lucky I am to
have everything that I have. This also left me with an overwhelming, and
equally powerful, sadness that Gail had lost the love. She’d lost her person.
Having already identified myself with the poem, I was incapable of suddenly
distancing myself as I began to empathise with Gail and the aftermath of ‘I see you’ with the thought of losing
Ronnie. And I am filled with nothing but admiration for Gail. ‘Your words wash over me, but not all, some
penetrate my skin and deeper. They are potent and luminous, reading them
injects me with a glistening joy that could so easily intoxicate me, but I am
neither blinded or lose myself, I know you would not want that for me. Instead
they warm me, illuminate the shadow, draw me ever closer.’
Gail’s last few poems before the
final one marking the death of her wife, Lena; seemed to all have a general
theme running through them with a focus on the abundance of power their
relationship had in the lives of each. ‘At a loss for words’ examined the
emotions – and all of the subsequent complications/impacts, Gail experienced
when watching Lena paint. That Gail chose to read this piece aloud at the
launch event of Lines From an Unfinished Love Song showed – to me, at least –
just how important this piece was to her.
Helping to gain a true understanding
of what the following piece; entitled ‘Casting
your net;’ meant to their relationship; Gail talks at the end about Lena’s
response to the piece: ‘Lena only had to
smile and peer over her glasses at me and I was immersed in contentment. She
would ask why I was smiling, each time I would reply, ‘because you love me and
that’s all I need.’ She blushed every time.’ Later, in ‘Winter passions’
the piece talks about the couple’s mutual support and the strength that this
brought to each of them when pursuing their passions and exploring their
talents: (Gail wrote) 'Although I work as
an Artist I didn’t consider myself a painter. Lena disagreed. She wrote in
2013, ‘Do not tell me you do not paint. You might not use a brush but your pen
makes landscapes and portraits with words deeper than patint could ever reach.’
At the end of the following poem ‘Sunrise’
Gail explains why the next collection of poems have been named ‘Grief,
Depression & PTSD’:
‘This was the final poem I wrote
and read to Lena in person, in August 2013. We knew we would part soon and not
see one another for many months with all communications ceasing because of her
new posting. Lena put on a brave face and told me it would pass quickly and
that I should have coffee and brownies waiting for her in our new home. That
day never arrived, she was killed in the line of duty in December 2013.