“LET’S REMOVE IT FROM YOUR RECORDS, YOU’VE CLEARLY RECOVERED FROM IT!” | HOW I HAVE OVERCOME 8 SYMPTOMS OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER & HOW YOU CAN TOO

With every fall, I learn to stand, In the face of fear, I take command

Through the storms that try to break, I'll rise again, for my own sake

With fire in my soul, I'll light the way, In this journey of life, I'm here to stay

Feel the power, it's building inside, With every heartbeat, I won't hide

No more chains, I'll break them free, In this moment, I am me

I'll rise up stronger, no holding back, With my head held high, I'm on the right track

Rise Up Stronger: Beat-Creative

After around fifteen years of having a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) stuck to my records, I began questioning its validity a year or so ago and began seeing a Psychiatrist from Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust (CNTW). After around one year of appointments, on April 1^st 2025, the Psychiatrist told me he had finally concluded that I was right; I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD and that it would now be listed as ‘historic’ in all of my records! In ascertaining that I didn’t meet the criteria (which is to have at least 5 of 9 possible symptoms) we established I had just one and when I was diagnosed, it was with the determination that I had all 9! So, considering this meant I’ve recovered from 8 symptoms of BPD, I thought I would do this blog post to chat through how I managed it in the hope that it provides advice for others and also hope for those to know you can overcome BPD…

THANK YOU FOR 2 MILLION!!! | HERE’S THE LARGEST REASON FOR I’M NOT DISORDERED’S POPULARITY & ALL MY SECRETS BEHIND IT!

I came to win, to fight

To conquer, to thrive

I came to win, to survive

To prosper, to rise

To fly

Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna – Fly

If ever there was a time for a stereotypical beginning, it’s here(!) – because I literally and honestly cannot believe that I’m writing this! My little mental health blog has over two million readers?! Like, what?!! Where did that come from? It’s the strangest thing; that I’ve very obviously known it was coming – I mean, you know I like to celebrate my reader milestones; so, it’s obvious I keep an eye on my blog’s statistics… But it still feels like it just caught me by surprise and stole the ground out from under me! It’s like when you’re about to get an injection and you know it’s coming but you still get a shock… Except, much less painful! So, to celebrate this enormous milestone, I’ve created this blog post – and a reel over on my Instagram (@aimes_wilson) – revealing all my stories and tips around the largest reason for I’m NOT Disordered’s popularity: publicity…

I’M TURNING 33!!!

*This post is a bit of a follow-in from my previous post where I picked apart some of my Birthday blog posts, you can read it here*

Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how you look at it – there’s a huge mental health awareness date (Time To Talk Day) taking place on my actual Birthday of February 1^st, and since I have a really special piece of content already lined up to mark that date; I thought I’d post my Birthday blog posts beforehand. Now, a genuine ‘unfortunately,’ is that due to a new commitment (which I can’t quite talk about just yet) I’m unable to complete the thought behind my Birthday posts which was to split all my Birthday blog posts up and go through each of them talking about the bits that stand out, what has changed, what’s stayed the same… So, in addition to the previous blog post I’ve linked at the beginning of this one, I managed to write about my 26^th Birthday blog post and then I’ve put together a little reel at the end of the post…

PART ONE: PICKING APART MY BIRTHDAY BLOG POSTS | I’M TURNING 33!!!

*This post is part one to a series*

Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how you look at it – there’s a huge mental health awareness date (Time To Talk Day) taking place on my actual Birthday of February 1^st, and since I have a really special piece of content already lined up to mark that date; I thought I’d post my Birthday blog post now. I kind of feel like it was a very grown-up decision to make – to prioritise a more career-appropriate post over my Birthday one! And I actually had a ton of ideas of angles for this blog post, but in tracking down the links for every blog post from all my previous Birthdays since creating I’m NOT Disordered, I decided to have a real look through each of them and pick out some bits and pieces that I wanted to reflect on…

AN INSIDE LOOK INTO I’M NOT DISORDERED’S READER MILESTONES | CELEBRATING 1.2 MILLION READERS!!!

“Create in the dark, only then can you recognise the light.”

Jyrki Vainonen

` It took me quite a while to figure out what angle to choose in writing this post – which I really wanted to use to mark I’m NOT Disordered reaching 1.2 million readers on July 15^th. In the end, I’ve decided to do a bit of an in-depth look into the milestones my blog has achieved in so far as its reader statistics over the entire ten years of its existence…

I want to start off by saying something that I’ve spoken about before (particularly in this post celebrating half a million readers: HALF A MILLION READERS!!! | LESSONS LEARNT, ADVICE & MORE! | I'm NOT Disordered (imnotdisordered.co.uk)) – but with the number of readers growing so rapidly so quickly, it’s probably worth saying it again… Another inpatient of the psychiatric ward I was on when I created, I’m NOT Disordered who had a blog, asked me why I cared so much about ‘the numbers.’ Now, rather than this being a genuinely curious question, knowing the girl; I recognised it was a bit of a dig and an accusation or nod towards thinking that I was being somewhat superficial. In all honesty though, in seeing/knowing that the girl’s blog had a good few thousand readers less than mine, and it had been going for a good few years already by that point, I wondered if some of the spite in that question was born out of jealousy or competitiveness.

9 SPECIAL BLOGGING MOMENTS FOR 900,000 READERS

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”

Anatole France

Going to start this post in the most predictable way by saying that I can’t believe I’m typing a piece about having 900,000 readers on my little mental health! In all fairness, it was only three months ago that I was blogging about reaching 850,000 readers, it’s so obviously surreal and surprising. So, to mark this occasion, I thought instead of talking about the special moments from my personal life and my recovery, I’d talk a bit about some of my most favourite moments in my blogging career from the beginning in 2013…

 

1.    My first blog post

http://www.imnotdisordered.co.uk/2013/01/youve-got-safety-net-dont-snap.html

I always love looking back at this first blog post on I’m NOT Disordered because I still find it so surreal to remember how little my expectations were for my blog. I mean, my initial target audience were my friends and family on my private Facebook account so I couldn’t have ever imagined I would one day be blogging about reaching 900,000 readers!

Honestly, in writing that first post, I couldn’t imagine even just maintaining I’m NOT Disordered and remaining so passionate and dedicated to it over eight years later. I started blogging as an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital so I think it was fairly obvious – at least to me – that it probably wouldn’t continue for very long because chances would be that either a suicide attempt would be ‘successful’, or I would get better and be discharged from hospital.

Not appreciating the potential of I’m NOT Disordered really meant that my first blog post wasn’t all that amazing; it didn’t reflect the importance it has ended up having. It wasn’t particularly special; it wasn’t an announcement or an opportunity or event… it was just me talking about my situation in an honest way. And do you know what, maybe that is a true reflection of all the blog has become eight years later.

Either way, after all that I’ve gone through, I’m someone who doesn’t wince at the thought of looking back at the beginning of something. It’s taken a number of years to develop this mindset because there have been several times that I’ve come close to deleting that first blog post. Then I realised, to do so would be like pretending it hadn’t happened. Pretending I’m NOT Disordered hadn’t begun in the small, naïve way that it did. And beginning in that way, is something I’ve become so proud of and so appreciative of. Something which I’d like to think will give other Bloggers or prospective Bloggers hope to see that a blog can go from that small beginning to this…

MENTAL HEALTH & APPLYING FOR A JOB: FROM HOURS TO INTERVIEW TIPS | MY NEW STAFF ROLE WITH ST OSWALD’S HOSPICE

“Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value”

Albert Einstein

If you’ve been reading, I’m NOT Disordered for a while you’ll know that whilst lots of things go on behind-the-scenes, you guys get a huge amount of insight into my life (and sometimes the lives of those who I collaborate with!), so imagine how hard it was when I had to keep something a secret for OVER A WEEK!!!

On the 4^th February, a member of the lovely Communications Team; Emma, told me there was a vacancy for the position of Kickstart Project Co-ordinator. She told me straightaway that it was neither heavy in mental health nor communications (the areas I’d like to work in) but wondered if I’d be interested. I read the description and some words stood out to me and I thought; ‘this could totally work!’

The Importance of The Hours:

The other aspect of the job which stood out to me was that it was for just 15 hours a week. For a while now, I’ve been saying that getting back into work is going to be so difficult because I knew going from nothing to part-time or full-time would be a huge shock to the system! Which is why I’ve been taking on various voluntary roles – such as my Chair position with the support group, LEAPS, and my role as a Digital Volunteer with St Oswald’s Hospice. I wanted to get used to having a commitment like that, to having some sort of regular routine to my days, to aid my mental health in getting ready for employment. I mean, I’d like to think that from my recent content and especially my social media posts (Twitter and Instagram: @aimes_wilson), it’s obvious that my mental health recovery is very stable, and it has been for a while now (almost six months of no self-harm).

Five Ways to Manage Your Time:

1.      Set yourself deadlines where possible

2.      Utilise the alarm app on your phone to remind you when to switch tasks

3.      Create a routine

14 THOUGHTS FOR 140 DAYS FREE OF SELF-HARM

"Every accomplishment starts with the with decisionn to try"

John F Kennedy

Today marks the one hundred and fortieth day since I last self-harmed, and I wanted to mark the occasion with a little (or big, we’ll see how much I end up rambling…) blog post:

 

1.    When I started to self-harm

I think that this thought was quite obviously going to feature in here somewhere! I mean, you don’t reach a milestone like this and not remember when it all started. I first self-harmed when I was fifteen years old, I had just been assaulted by a stranger and someone I trusted and respected offered his support… then he began using it as a cover to abuse me.

In my teenage mind, I had so many thoughts and reasons not to report the abuse that I felt completely overwhelmed and desperate for some relief. I think my initial thought process behind self-harming was that it might make me less attractive to my abuser. That maybe he’d be ‘put off’ by the cuts and then the scars. So, I began using a pin from a noticeboard to scratch at my arms and legs. The scratches were enough to draw blood but also enough that I could excuse them as cat scratches to anyone who might see them and ask questions.

My initial intention of damaging my appearance became a lot deeper and more intense; I started to believe that only I should have the power to hurt my body and thought that self-harming would prove this, and that it would leave me feeling more in control. I could take charge of how much or how little, pain I was experiencing.

I’M NOT DISORDERED TURNS EIGHT | A LESSON PER YEAR

Going to start this post in the stereotypical way: I can’t believe it’s been eight years since I created, I’m NOT Disordered! I think that being able to still remember the day I started my little blogging career, is just testament to how important my blog is for me, what it means to me, and the hugely beneficial impact it has had on my life. To think that my blog has become what it is today from its tiny start in my hospital bedroom still amazes me! All the achievements and opportunities I’ve experienced these past eight years, have surpassed even my wildest dreams(!), but I’ve tried to keep my feet on the ground, and to always feel that I’m learning from my blog…

 

2013 – I learnt how quickly things can change

I experienced my mental health change very dramatically in – what felt like – a very short space of time… In February 2013, I ran away from the psychiatric hospital I had been in since the Summer of 2012 and made an attempt to take my own life (you can read more about it here). Then, by August 2013, I was allowed to go on the therapy trip to Flamingo Land (which you can read about here)! 

A CHAT ABOUT SELF-PROMOTION | MY BESTIE’S FIRST AD!!!

I actually squealed with excitement when one of my best-friends (Lauren) posted on her Facebook that she’d landed her very first ad with Arista Living through her YouTube channel; Green Tea, Please! Knowing that Lauren has always struggled to regularly maintain her blog, it was incredible to hear that she’d found success with the YouTube channel she turned her attention to since buying her first house (a tour of which, you can watch on her channel here) with her partner.

I first started talking to Lauren in 2007 via MySpace (remember that old site when it was the cool one to be on?!) when I came across her account and heard her profile song was Scouting For Girls’ She’s So Lovely! Months later, and we were attending the same School to study our A Levels and finally introduced ourselves to one another. Looking back, it’s one of those things where you can’t quite believe something so small turned into something as huge as the lovely friendship we now have. I mean, it wasn’t a friendship where straight away you feel like you’ve known them forever; we got closer over time, until I was calling her family my second family and her home became my second home.


Funnily enough though, our friendship really cemented when we weren’t attending the same school! I think I’d actually pinpoint it to 2011, my mental ill health had started two years before and Lauren had stuck by me the whole time. Even though we were best-friends, I kept the magnitude of my illness from her and wasn’t always honest when it came to my reasons for attending hospital, but it felt as though I didn’t need to say anything. It was as though she just… knew. I honestly felt like whilst she’d never experienced anything like what I was going through, she understood it – a greatly helpful trait in supporting someone with mental ill health.

TWO TOP TIPS ON PUBLIC SPEAKING | NORTH TYNESIDE WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2019

So, it may not be World Mental Health Day until the 10^th of October but I’ve actually already attended an event to celebrate the occasion with North Tyneside Launchpad at Cullercoats Crescent Club, where I was very kindly asked to give a talk on social media and blogging. With this year’s World Mental Health Day being around the theme of suicide prevention, I decided to center my talk around the life-changing benefits and consequences that social media can have on someone. After discovering the UK suicide statistics (there are over 800,000 suicides in the UK per year and it is the leading cause of death in 15-29 years olds) and having my own experiences, it’s something I’m very passionate about so talking to a crowd of strangers about it seemed do-able! 


I still remember my very first public speaking event at the Time To Change Story Camp in London and I called my Mum as a hysterical, anxious mess and told her there was no way that I could do it! But of course, I ended up giving the speech and it wasn’t such a total disaster that I didn’t say ‘no’ to all future invitations to do some public speaking! And in continuing to give talks and speeches, I’ve learnt a few things that I thought I’d share because I’d like to encourage you all to share your own experiences publicly because I’ve seen how beneficial it can be for others.

WHY I’M A FAN OF JUMPING IN AT THE DEEP END | MY DIGITAL MARKETING INTERNSHIP WITH DOCERE | LAUNCHING THE BEHIND-THE-SCENES PROJECT | AD

Since my first day (over a week ago!) of my Digital Marketing internship with Docere, I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a blog post about it because it’s become such a huge part of my life that I just obviously want to share it with you all. So, I’ve been trying to think of ways to… wangle it into I’m NOT Disordered, and the inspiration came when I talked about the internship with my Mum…


I first found the vacancy on the Indeed site and it was just one of those jobs where I applied… just for the hell of it to be honest! I thought I’d apply on the off chance that I’d get an interview and get some more experience in interviewing. I think that realistically, I didn’t believe I was in any way ready to work but it felt nice to feel like I was giving myself the opportunity. When I got an email from Docere and it began ‘we’d firstly like to apologize’ so I just sighed, but then I read on ‘for the delay in responding to your application…’ And I had a little cheer when I read that I’d been shortlisted for an interview! I’d applied for so many positions in one night that I had to look back through the job description on Indeed! When I discovered that it was one I was actually interested in so far as to that I wished I was ready to take it on.


Why did I decide to go for it?

MY TOP TEN FAVOURITE THINGS ABOUT BLOGGING

1.      Being able to meet like-minded people

It’s obvious that you won’t always see eye-to-eye with everyone in life but having huge aspects of your life in common with others gives you a pretty good opportunity of meeting people who you’ll identify with. I only have one friend who has a Blog (Marty from gumonmyshoe.com) and I’d honestly be lost without him! It’s so helpful to have someone who truly understands some of the challenges and accomplishments I go through from having I’m NOT Disordered. He knows that when I’m on my phone while we’re out together it doesn’t mean I’m being rude or prioritizing my notifications over friend-time. And he appreciates what a huge achievement it is to land a new collaboration with another organization/individual.

2.      Having the opportunity to empty my mind

When I started to blog from the Psychiatric Hospital in 2013, it was all about getting my thoughts out of my head and it especially became about venting through the drama that would go on between other inpatients and staff. There was a lot of explosive relationships on that ward and sometimes hiding in my room wasn’t enough of an escape from the yelling, aggression and swearing. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that I was never a part of the arguments, but blogging gave me a more productive outlet and helped me reign in my frustrations when things were getting really heated.

MY TOP TIPS FOR TWENTY SCENARIOS IN MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY

I learnt the hard way that mental health recovery isn’t linear. It isn’t about suddenly not self-harming, not wanting to die any more… I hope that my blog has shown this so that it doesn’t give people a misunderstanding in the way that I had. So as well as making this point, I wanted my blog to also support others as they learn this too…

1.    Feeling like you’ll never stop crying?

It has to. It has to stop eventually. But crying doesn’t have to be a bad thing – it doesn’t make you weak. You can view crying as a relief. It can almost be cathartic and therapeutic to allow the pent-up emotions, thoughts, and feelings leave your body in a – physically – painless way.

2.    Desperate for a distraction?

Be creative about this. A distraction doesn’t have to be the usual ones that mental health professionals ferociously advertise and recommend; like watching TV or reading a book. It can be cooking your favourite meal or going for a walk, completing a wordsearch, playing an online game, or de-cluttering your shelves.

3.    Angry?

Anger doesn’t have to be a negative emotion. It’s all about how you manage it. Does it mean you’re unsafe? Does it mean you push people away? Or can it just be a natural response to a particular situation? Can it be an anger that anyone would feel? Can you cope with it in a healthy, and safe way? There’s the age-old advice of screaming into or hitting a pillow but there’s so many more productive things you can do too! Like throwing yourself into your work, education, or hobby. Letting go of anger can be one of the most powerful actions.

VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH MARIA HARRISON | WILLOWS CAT ADOPTION CENTRE COLLABORATION

When I lost Dolly, I was so completely grateful for Pixie, but it just wasn’t the same. My house wasn’t a home without a cat. So about six months ago my Mum called me and told me she’d found a kitten at an adoption center in South Shields, she sent me a photo on Facebook Messenger and I said, “I want her!” On my next support session with Richmond Fellowship, my Support Worker, my Mum and I went to Willows Cat Adoption Centre and I met Emmy (named Jennifer at the Centre). I think that the first thing you see when you look at Emmy is her markings; that little ginger stripe down her nose! I fell in love and before I knew it, she was in the pink pet carrier on my knee coming home!!


So when I saw that the owner of Willows was celebrating her 50^th year rescuing animals, I jumped at the chance to collaborate on a little project with them!

HALF A MILLION READERS!!! | LESSONS LEARNT, ADVICE & MORE!

To those who’d ground me,

Take a message back from me,

Tell them how I’m

Defying gravity

Wicked – Defying Gravity

HOW IT ALL STARTED:

There’s a lot of things that happened whilst I was poorly that I don’t remember so I’m massively grateful that even though I was in Hospital (Cygnet Hospital Bierley), I can still remember the beginning of I’m NOT Disordered. I’d just had a 1:1 session with my Named Nurse and we’d decided that I’d begin writing about my trauma every night and agreed on a plan for staff to support me whilst I did so. When I walked back into my hospital room and saw my laptop lying on the bed (we were only allowed them on an evening/night) I just seemed to automatically open it up and start typing. Even though I was writing for myself, I think that I always knew it was destined to be read by others. Granted those ‘others’ didn’t include half a million people but the decision to post the link for my first blog post on my Facebook page wasn’t something I debated.

TEN THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY

1.      “I’M TWENTY-EIGHT!”

It’s like I wrote in my blog post on my twenty eighth Birthday (February 1^st 2019), when I took my first overdose aged eighteen (in 2009) I don’t think there was a huge concern that I wouldn’t make it to my next Birthday because the overdose wasn’t really life-threatening and I think people just assumed it to be a ‘one-off.’ But by 2012, when they’d calculated that I’d taken over 60 overdoses in the space of three years and I ended up on life support, I think people became… ‘concerned’ is probably an understatement… especially after I ended up on life support in Intensive Care.

2.      “I LIVE IN A BUNGALOW”

So often I get asked questions about my ‘flat’ and I’m so proud and lucky to be able to correct people with ‘I live in a bungalow.’ It’s sad that I only got this home because I’d been in a psychiatric hospital for two and a half years and so I was high priority on the list for a council property. But I could’ve just been housed in a crappy little flat! We dubbed my little bungalow my ‘forever home’ but as I progress through recovery, I can see that it’s almost inevitable that I will move at some point in the future but for now, I’m grateful for my little one-bedroom bungalow! 

FIVE PIECES OF ADVICE I’M GLAD I DIDN’T TAKE

(You can find a similar post here)

So, I’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy (I’m onto Season 10) and there’s a point where these Surgeons who were once best-friends are now going into two completely different lives. In this one episode, one of them said that the other has turned into the type of person they used to admire and the other said that the other had turned into the type of person they used to laugh at. And it made me think about how much can change – how much a person can change – from the different things that happen in life. What these things can do to you. And I began to wonder about all of the things people have said to me to try and change my life – all of the things that I’m so glad I didn’t listen to!

Also, to avoid bitching, I’m not going to be disclosing who said what!

1.      “YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY STAY BLONDE”

I’m naturally, like, white blonde! I always get told this story by my family about when we first went to see my Auntie living in Dubai and everyone would crowd around me because they thought blonde hair was incredible! Then, when the abuse ended, I wanted to change as many aspects as possible about me. I changed the spelling of my first name, I took my Mum’s maiden name, and I decided to dye my hair. I wanted to distance myself – as far as possible – from the abuse and the person I had been during it. And it was much easier to do this physically than it was psychologically. I think that, inevitably, others struggled to understand my motivation for change because at that point; no one knew what I’d been through. There came a point in my admission at Cygnet where I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I wondered whether I was now well enough to go blonde. Turns out, red had become my ‘signature’ colour – especially in terms of being a blogger and for social media.

RICHMOND FELLOWSHIP ENRICH AWARDS 2019 | PART FOUR

We returned from our final break refreshed and ready for the final three Awards of the day; presented by Chief Executive of Richmond Fellowship, Derek, a client of Aquarius; Mary, and Barrie, a person previously supported by Richmond Fellowship. The first award being announced was the Inspiring Staff Award, which was for a staff member who has made an outstanding contribution to the work of Richmond Fellowship. 

The Award presenters said of this Award: 
“We had 50 nominations for this Award – so instead of three finalists, we have seven and instead of one winner, we have two. We broke the rules slightly, but for the right reasons.” 

RICHMOND FELLOWSHIP ENRICH AWARDS 2019 | PART THREE

After a bit of a disastrous lunch – the vegetarian food didn’t arrive until almost the end of the scheduled lunch break! But the whole Team worked as a Team and we took the challenge in our stride! I caught up on some tweets for the Richmond Fellowship Tyneside twitte raccount and met and had a very exciting chat with, the soon-to-be Comms Manager (more on that over the next few months!).

The first two awards were presented by myself and my Co-Chair; Rachel; Non-Executive Director and Chair of the Working Together Committee. Rachel presented the Hope Award first which was described as being for the team who had made the most difference in supporting the people, we support on their recovery journey. The most special feature of this Award is that the nominees were voted for by the people they support. The three finalists were Mid and West Surrey Employment Service, Leicestershire Life Links, and North West Surrey Employment Service and the winner was Leicestershire Life Links. This Team provide a wellness service tailored to the needs of the local community by focusing on the individual’s strengths, needs, and future aspirations.