Can’t you forgive me?
At least just temporarily
I know that this is my fault
I should have been more careful
Ariana Grande – One Last Time
These last two weeks have been so chaotic that I’m completely lost as to what has happened when because I’ve self-harmed so many times but on each of my hospitalizations (I think I’m on about four now) something has happened to inspire this post.
On one of my hospital stays everything had been going well – I was telling staff when I was struggling, co-operating with the treatment for the overdose I’d taken, and keeping myself safe whilst I was in the Hospital. Then a Nurse – who I’ve met and had a similar dealing with before – made a comment about me ‘wasting a bed’ because she said that it was my own fault I was there. This comment – her words and attitude – saw me refusing the final blood tests and discharging myself. On my way out, I considered not telling the Sister and Doctor what she had said because I was a bit ashamed to admit that I’d let her comment get to me and a part of me always thinks ‘if you’re going to be open and honest about your mental health then you have to expect at least one response like that.’ Of course, it shouldn’t be that way; but the reality of mental health is that there are still people who hold that stigma and prejudice against those who are battling against it. I think that there’ll have to be a time when we recognize that no matter how many people - and how many followers they have – join the fight, we most likely can’t change the world.