ABANDONMENT & HOW TO COPE WITH IT | IN COLLABORATION WITH CATS PROTECTION

“When you feel abandoned, don't let painful feelings fester. Instead, use them as a catalyst to grow and to become more compassionate.”

Amy Morin

So, collaboration number two with the wonderful Cats Protection – this time, however, the post is in partnership with the charity on a national level rather than with my local Tyneside Adoption Centre (the collaboration with which, you can read here). So, as I mentioned in that piece, the Winter Campaign theme for Cats Protection this year is ‘abandonment’ and the reason for this (which I don’t think I mentioned in the other post) is that cases of abandonment of cats have massively risen by over 30%! Additionally, Cats Protection have found that those cats spend on average, around 39 days in the care of the Charity before finding a ‘furever’ home. With donations of as little as £5 feeding a cat – and last year, they helped around 500 cats per day! – in the Charity’s care for 25 days (other funding equivalents are that £15 would cover worming treatment for three cats, and £20 would fund ten blankets to keep the cats warm and safe); this Winter Campaign is aimed at raising funds as well as awareness of this hugely important issue. Now, to bring this Campaign into relevance for the typical content of I’m NOT Disordered, I thought I’d use this post to write about how to cope with the largest instance of abandonment that I think a psychiatric service user can experience, feeling abandoned by mental health services…

HOW TO COPE WITH FEELINGS OF ABANDONMENT

‘Do you have an intense fear of being left alone, which causes you to act in ways that, on reflection, seem out of the ordinary or extreme, such as constantly phoning somebody (but not including self-harming or suicidal behaviour)?’

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/diagnosis/

When I was first diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in 2009, the diagnostic criteria were that you answer experience five out of nine symptoms. These symptoms are unstable relationships, losing a sense of self, engagement in impulsive activities, suicide attempts or self-harm, severe mood swings, feelings of emptiness, intense anger, hallucinations or ‘disordered thoughts’ and finally, a fear of abandonment. (Note: Please don’t use that list to self-diagnose, always seek professional advice.)

I rarely blog about my family because I respect their privacy, but my Father is a huge reason why my fears of abandonment are so overwhelming and intense. It’s actually a bit cliché though; my parents divorced when I was a baby, and when my Mum and I moved away my Father never once tried to contact me. I would never say that I missed out on anything though – I mean, you can’t miss something you’ve never had(!), but I do wonder what it would have been like. What my life would have been like. 


At the same time though, I am full of admiration for my Mum being a single-parent and raising me the way that she did, and I hope to one day be as good a Mum as her!