DEFINED BY THIRTEEN NOT BY DISORDER | HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY, I’M NOT DISORDERED!

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”

Oprah Winfrey

Today, I’m NOT Disordered turns – believe it or not! – THIRTEEN years old(!) and, as usual, I wanted to do something special this year… So, exclusive for this week alone, the blog’s logo had a little Canva-style (using the ‘Elements’ feature) tweaking – what do you think?! And this Birthday blog post will be about the thirteen things from this past year which I’d like to think of as defining of me because I’d far rather be defined by those, than the diagnosis which I was stuck with for over a decade. Except, because being defined by things is actually all about the opinions of others and why they see certain things in certain ways, I asked AI (namely Chat GPT) to tell me why each of the thirteen things below is defining of me; so here’s the thirteen things I chose and each of the AI answers…

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025!!! | FAVOURITE BLOG POSTS & COLLABORATIONS, BEST ADVICE & BIGGEST LESSONS, TOP PURCHASES ON AMAZON & ASOS, MOST WATCHED & LISTENED TO, GREATEST MOMENTS & ACHIEVEMENTS, & HOPES & PLANS FOR 2025

“I came to win, to fight. To conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive. To prosper, to rise. To fly.”

Fly, Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna

Yes, here comes another year on I’m NOT Disordered! To celebrate the start of 2025, I thought I’d write this piece about a collection of things from this past year! The post will include favourite blog posts and collaborations from 2024, advice I’d give from the biggest lessons I’ve learnt this past year, as well as my top purchases (from Amazon and ASOS), my most watched TV Shows, Movies, and YouTube videos, and even my top five most listened to on Spotify! Then, I’ll be wrapping up this jam-packed post with my greatest moments and achievements from the entire year, some of my hope for 2025, and a bit of exclusive insight into a few exciting, upcoming plans…

EVERYTHING I’VE ACHIEVED SINCE BEING SECTIONED ONE YEAR AGO

On this day (February 18^th) one year ago, it was the beginning of my most recent detention under section 2 of the 1983 Mental Health Act, and so I obviously wanted to create some content to mark the date. I had a huge brainstorm of what angle to take with the blog post, and I was stuck between talking through the complaint I’d put in regarding many different instances through the admission and the polar opposite of looking at all the achievements I’ve made in this past year. Eventually, I decided to do both! But, they’ll be in separate posts because I wanted to post the achievements piece on the actual anniversary of being sectioned so as to really enhance the idea that it’s actually an achievement in itself to have not been sectioned since then too!

AND THE YEAR 2023 IS COMING TO AN END… | THE FINAL PART

“She remembered who she was, and the game changed.”

Lalah Deliah

*YOU CAN READ PART ONE HERE & PART TWO HERE*

Lola Design Organiser: £14.99

Milan Pen: £10.87

iPad Touchpad Keyboard Case: £35.00

Canvas Tote Bag: £21.99

W7 HD Foundation: £4.00

SOMETHING HUGE THAT I’VE BARELY BLOGGED ABOUT

My mental health has been really poor these past few weeks or months, and so I’ve had to talk to a lot of professionals and there’s something we keep talking about and I was shocked to realise I actually haven’t said much about it on I’m NOT Disordered! There’s one post (which you can read here) that says the most about the fact that on February 18^th 2023, I was sectioned under section 2 of the 1983 Mental Health Act.

A FEW IMPORTANT BITS & PIECES FROM THE PAST YEAR | CELEBRATING MY 32nd BIRTHDAY!!

“Thirty two!”

“I know! How did I manage it?!”

“A lot of hard work!”

As if I’ve made it to thirty-two!! Having started to take a number of actions that could have very likely killed me when I was eighteen, a number of mental health professionals openly stated that they’d be surprised if I made it to my nineteenth Birthday. In all honesty, I also couldn’t imagine me ever getting to this age! And obviously, for a very long time, I didn’t even want to make it that far! I mean, I actually had this really intense belief for well over a year where I was convinced that I had been put on this earth purely to commit suicide and die at a young age so that it drew attention to the failures within psychiatric services. And it took A LOT of therapy to help me work through that and I think that the ultimate aid in this, was I’m NOT Disordered; because blogging truly feels like I have a purpose in life. Like, I believe this is what I was put here to do. This, is why I have gone through all that I have…

PLANNING AHEAD & MENTAL HEALTH | BLOGMAS, ONE MILLION READERS, TRIPS AWAY, ONE YEAR FREE OF SELF-HARM, & ANOTHER GOD-CHILD!!

So, I have a few really important things coming up in my life and they’ve meant that I’ve had numerous conversations with a whole variety of people who have given a mixed response when told that I’m making plans and putting these things into consideration now…

When I was younger, I always felt like there was a plan to things… Like my Mum and I would plan what we’d do the following day – or week(!) – and I almost knew exactly what to expect. And then the abuse happened…

In the beginning – when I first met my abuser – I expected the complete opposite of him starting to hurt me. I had just been attacked on my way to school and my abuser offered to be a source of support for me in volunteering to make himself constantly available to me should I become upset at some point during my school-day. But it was only the third time I utilised that suggestion of support, that it turned into his opportunity to begin hurting me.

I was caught so completely off guard by the abuse – to the point where I considered whether I’d imagined the entire thing – that I instantly began going to extreme measures to avoid spending any time alone with him. But all that initial support and kindness, and the fact he had already held the respect of so many people, meant that when it all twisted and turned into him requesting time with me, no one questioned things!

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT TIMING IN MENTAL HEALTH

THE POST’S INSPIRATION

A little while ago, when I was putting the Christmas wrapping paper away, I heard a clicking noise in my thumb and it swelled right up pretty damn fast! So, I called the Plastic Surgery department in one of my local hospitals because since my EPL tendon (one of the two tendons in your thumb) snapped on Boxing Day 2019 and I needed surgery to repair it, I’ve been under their care. They asked me to come straight in but on examination, decided nothing needed to be done urgently and I was referred for an ultrasound. At the ultrasound (yesterday) they found that my EPL tendon has misplaced, which I didn’t know could even happen!) and I have to see a surgeon in February.

The reason this inspired the post is that this isn’t the only physical health difficulty I’m going through right now… Since separating the AC Joint in my shoulder in September, it has properly dislocated three or four times and is now at the point where I need a specialist MRI (they’re going to inject a contrast dye directly into the joint – which sounds so painful, but I get a local anaesthetic first – and then scan it) of the joint to determine the exact extent of the damage and to create a treatment plan based on whatever they find.

So, having these two – sort of big – issues right now with my physical health, it’s really made me think about timing and the importance of it for a person’s mental health. I mean, since I have these two things going on at the same time, it has made me realise that it’d be harder to deal with if my mental health was also unstable. And knowing just how much I can struggle when my mental and physical health are poorly at the same time, I’m actually relieved at the timing of the two physical problems!

A YEAR LATER | HAPPY NEW YEAR 2021

So many people are pleased to say goodbye to 2020 since so many terrible events have happened during it. Aside from the pandemic and UK lockdown, I personally, lost quite a few loved ones this year. Yet I still struggle to view it as entirely ‘bad…’ Since my Aripiprazole (an antipsychotic medication) was restarted and increased, I’ve not experienced a single hallucination and therefore, haven’t self-harmed since August. I’ve also achieved quite a lot this year relating to I’m NOT Disordered (particularly reaching 800,000 readers), so I feel torn between being thankful that the year is ‘over’ whilst also having the ability to look back at it with some level of fondness…

So, I was looking at last year’s blog post (which you can read in full here) and thought I’d include updates and new thoughts around each of the 20 points I’d discussed.

One

The first was about saying a thank-you to Richmond Fellowship who have provided me with a support worker (the worker has changed a few times over the years) since my hospital discharge in 2014. But I wasn’t really thanking them for that support, I was actually acknowledging the amount of opportunities they’ve given me through events and meetings. And that still stands! Over the last year, the lockdown has prevented so many face-to-face meetings and pretty much every single event; but I’ve still felt included in being a member of the Working Together Committee – who have a huge influence on the general way in which Richmond Fellowship is ran. I’m enjoying have the ability to speak up on behalf of service users and being treat with respect that regards my views, thoughts, and feelings on different topics, as important. However, I’d also like to thank my support worker this year! Since the beginning of the UK lockdown, our face-to-face appointments have been scarce and that has meant using the phone to get support… I used to struggle with audio calls because it reminded me of the auditory hallucinations in that I could hear them but couldn’t see where – or who – they were coming from. Being almost forced to do calls though, has gotten me used to the sensation and I find myself ringing my support worker and speaking to her even more than when it was just normal appointments! And she’s been brilliant with this.

THREE WAYS TO COPE WHEN THINGS GET UNBELIEVABLE | CELEBRATING 100,000 READERS IN FIVE MONTHS!!

It took me over two years to get my first 100,000 readers and now I’m organizing my VERY EXCITING Christmas collaboration with a well-known company, and it’s meant looking at my numbers and I realized that it’s taken just five months (less than a quarter of the time) to achieve the same amount! I mean… where do I even start?! Thank you, first of all! Not just to the 100,000 new readers but to everyone who has been reading my blog before now – especially those who have been here since the very beginning in 2013! You guys rock! And a huge thank you to some of the very special, and inspirational companies, organizations, and charities who have trusted me with their reputation and collaborated or partnered with me to produce content for I’m NOT Disordered! You all help to keep me motivated to producing better content and help keep something that I’ve now been doing for six years, very exciting! 


I find it very easy to feel overwhelmed with things to do with I’m NOT Disordered because for me, I’ll always think of it as this little thing that I started in my hospital room in a bid to find an outlet for pent-up thoughts and feelings. When blog posts excel, I always think about how they were – mostly - written from the comfort of my little one-bedroom bungalow! When something you do has started off so small it’s a big challenge to still recognize that same thing when it has grown wings and evolved into something hugely different. Does it still mean to you what it meant when you started it? Does it still hold the same importance? 


I think that asking these questions – having to accept that I might not like the honest answer to some of them, is part of the reason why I struggle when I get overwhelmed by any emotions – even positive ones! So, I thought it important to consider the ways I cope in these situations in case there are others also struggling with this…

THE TOP MENTAL HEALTH FAUX PAS

faux pas

[ˌfō ˈpä]

NOUN

an embarrassing or tactless act or remark in a social situation.

Someone asked me about the title of one of my recent blog posts (WHY “LOOK HOW FAR YOU’VE COME” & “DON’T LET HIM WIN” ARE BECOMING MY NEW PET PEEVES) because they’re two phrases that this person uses with me and I think that they were worried that I’ve been finding them unhelpful and just not telling them. I explained that I understand people – because it isn’t just this person who frequently uses these phrases – always mean well when they say these things and that they’re trying to help but mental health can be a minefield and sometimes, when you hear the same thing over and over again it will, of course, become a pet peeve, change it’s meaning and change its impact.

So, for the record, here’s – what I think are – the top mental health faux pas:



“Self-harm isn’t the answer”

I’m sorry but I don’t recall ever claiming that it was! I had a discussion recently about the other inpatients when I was in the long-term, specialist Hospital and how they had each encouraged one another to self-harm. To the point where one person had snuck in a blade and they had passed it around one another knowing full well what each person would be doing with it. I explained that even though I sometimes find self-harm ‘helpful’ in some way, I would NEVER promote it or encourage others to try to use it as a coping mechanism. One thing I’ve known since I first cut myself - but it’s something I’m only just really learning - is that self-harm can be an addiction. A cycle. When my anti-psychotic medication was reduced and the auditory hallucinations came back, I began self-harming again in response to them and because of that, self-harm has – once again – become my first port of call when I’m struggling. When things happen that are upsetting, rather than attempting to use my Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) coping skills, I’m resorting to self-harm and of course I don’t want to be constantly in and out of hospital, covered in scars and bandages, so I’ve wracked my brain trying to think of what really got me out of the cycle last time. And it was being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. But I was determined that it isn’t going to take something like that to help me; I can do it myself! I hate the feeling of being out of control so I lassoed all of the energy I have left and I’m very proud – and relieved – to say, that it’s been seven days since I last self-harmed; which is the longest period for the last five months! 

FIVE LESSONS LEGALLY BLONDE HAS TAUGHT ME | IN COLLABORATION WITTH WHITLEY BAY OPERATIC SOCIETY | AD

I was honoured to be invited backstage at Whitley Bay Operatic Society’s Legally Blonde: The Musical at Whitley Bay Playhouse last week. My blog post on the show, Q&As with the cast, and behind-the-scenes photos, was such a success that I’ve now been invited to preview their upcoming show in October (2019). So, I thought it only fair to write another post inspired by their incredible adaption of Legally Blonde!

1.      SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS ARE A NECESSITY

In Legally Blonde, Elle Woods is in a sorority and you get to see the bond between all of the ‘Sisters’ who are so excited for her when it seems as though her boyfriend (Warner) is going to propose. Feeling pleased for another friend’s success is so meaningful in a world filled with spiteful jealousy – especially in the blogging industry. Having fellow blogger, Marty (from gumonmyshoe.com) as a best-friend has really taught me a few things about supporting one another rather than viewing each other as competition. My two other best-friends; Lauren and Ellie, are the kind of friends who are always there in your most desperate moments. It’s been hard having each of us – inevitably – drift apart to live our very different lives but it’s also strengthened our relationship to have been able to see that regardless of the distance (literal and otherwise) we’re still there for one another and it doesn’t matter how much ‘effort’ it now takes to do that.