5 THINGS THEY DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH

“Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together.”

Taylor Swift

Having recently experienced a relapse in my mental health journey (you can read more about it at its very worst in this blog post: TW | “SHE’S ACTUALLY JUMPED! GET AMBULANCE ON LIGHTS & SIREN!” | WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE, DURING, & AFTER YOU JUMP, LESSONS LEARNT, & LOTS OF ADVICE | I'm NOT Disordered), I’m finally in a much better and safer place mentally and, a few days ago (at the time of writing) I was discharged from the caseload of my local Crisis Team. The entire relapse really brought home the fact that professionals tend to miss out or skirt over the fact that recovery isn’t linear and so, they’re often promoting this idea of once you’re in recovery that’s it; you’re better forever. When this simply isn’t true, and – I feel – it does more harm to not prepare someone to still need to face difficult days. So, with this in mind, I was inspired to write this blog post about other things professionals leave unsaid about mental health…

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MAKING A COMPLAINT

“At times it is what we do not say, or not saying a thing, that says a lot about us.”

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I actually really struggled to find a quote for this post, and it made me worry that it was because it’s a really negative topic – complaining – and that made me worry that perhaps it’s something that really shouldn’t be the centre of an entire blog post… If you know me as a Blogger, then you’ll know that I’m all about being honest and keeping things real; and so, inspired by a previous post (which you can read here) this feels like a subject I should cover because – let’s be honest – it’s no great rarity for professionals (not exclusively psychiatric staff) to be in the wrong in some way; especially when it comes to a mental health related situation…

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS

A while ago I joined the North Service User and Carer Forum (NSUCF) which is part of my local NHS Trust who provide mental health services in my locality: Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust (CNTW). At our most recent meeting, we had a Psychiatrist from CNTW’s Crisis Team join us and each Forum member asked questions and put forward ideas. In part of the discussion, myself and one of the Service Users came to the realisation that we really had different definitions of a mental health ‘crisis’ and it inspired me to write this blog post…

DEFINING IT

For me, I deem myself to be in a mental health crisis when I can no longer keep myself safe. Like, if I struggle and feel unsafe, but I can manage it myself and use the healthy coping skills I’ve been taught in therapy, then I wouldn’t label it a crisis or call anyone for help or support. Me calling the Crisis Team or a professional, usually means I’m unsafe and that I feel as though the hallucinations are in control. As though I have no say in whether I self-harm or attempt suicide because if I did, I wouldn’t do those things. When I’m me, and when it is my thoughts that take up the majority of my mind, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hurt.

One difficulty in having different definitions is the worry as to whether you’re really ‘entitled’ to speak up or ask for help because there’s the concern that there’ll be people who might judge your crisis in comparison with others. And that they might come to the conclusion that it is completely minor and unworthy of any help or support. That in looking at it alongside another person’s crisis, it really shouldn’t be a big deal and it wasn’t deserving of help and support from others, particularly where this meant the use of NHS resources.

I’VE BEEN DISCHARGED!!! | EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES

June 12^th 2020, I was discharged from my Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) after being under their care (on and off) for eleven years! Now, I’m very aware that with my audience being so big there are readers who don’t have a lot of insight into mental health services and therefore may not appreciate just how big an achievement discharge is. And that is the aim of this blog post – to provide insight and to educate readers about mental health services…

You can be referred to Services in various ways…

I was eighteen when I was first allocated a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN); I was sort of lucky in the way I first came into contact with Services because I didn’t have to be referred and sit on a waiting list for months on end. However, I was definitely unlucky too, in that I was only put under the care of the CMHT because I had attempted suicide and been sectioned under the 1983 Mental Health Act, and apparently the automatic aftermath of being sectioned is that you’re allocated a CPN upon discharge.

I recognize my luck in the situation because I know of the many instances where people have been referred to their CMHT through their GP and have then had to sit on a lengthy waiting list. The saddest thing about the waiting lists is the fact that all too often, the person’s mental health deteriorates to the point where they attempt or succeed at committing suicide. This happens for a number of reasons, but the main one is that there’s often the development of feelings of hopelessness and a conviction that Services don’t care enough about the person to rush through their referral through.

“STOP TELLING ME TO TAKE A BATH!” | WHAT TO DO WHEN THEIR ADVICE DOESN’T HELP

I don’t think it’s an inside joke anymore that the Crisis Team and other mental health professionals all too often say “try taking a nice, relaxing bath” when a Service User makes contact with them to get help and advice while struggling with their mental health. I think it’s kind of common knowledge now. I really hope though, that people don’t see this as professionals being ‘useless’ but more about them either not knowing what to say, or their advice just not being all that helpful to the person. Does that render them useless? Not entirely! 


I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital the first time I took an overdose and so I saw a lot of very poorly people; and being 18 at the time, they were much older than me and it made me wonder if that was going to be my life. Was I going to still be in there at their age? My desperation to avoid this happening meant that I took all of their advice and tried everything they suggested – baths, medication, watching TV, calling Samaritans, writing, reading, doing arts and crafts… After a while, though, the hallucinations got louder and clearer and the memories of the abuse got more vivid and overwhelming. Things were getting worse and I felt that I was at a point where I was beyond help. I’d lost hope.

“YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE” | WHY TEAMWORK IS SO IMPORTANT IN MENTAL HEALTH | IN COLLABORATION WITH LIVERPOOL FOOTBALL CLUB | AD

So, the other day was special for two reasons, firstly; it was Time To Talk Day (you can read my post about it here) and second, it was my Mum’s Birthday!



After deciding that we should have a day out somewhere, we finally decided on Liverpool because Mum has always supported Liverpool Football Club (you can leave your hate and trolling here, it isn’t welcome on this blog!) and has never visited their Stadium; Anfield. So we booked some first class train tickets with Transpennine Express (who we weren’t particularly impressed by) to travel down early in the morning, and requested tickets for the Anfield Stadium tour later in the afternoon.

BUILDING BOUNDARIES IN MENTAL HEALTH

“We need to have a talk on the subject of what's yours and what's mine.”
― Stieg Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

So, I had Martin Baker (of gumonmyshoe.com) over to my house and we got talking about people who message people that they’re feeling suicidal and it got us onto talking about boundaries and I realized I have a lot to say on the subject; so here’s a post on the topic!


I also talked to my Richmond Fellowship support worker (from their Tyneside floating support service) about how I felt that I’m not the right person for this person to be texting and telling that they feel suicidal. This topic also came up a little while ago because obviously, writing such a huge blog about mental health I do receive emails daily from people saying similar things about feeling suicidal and struggling with their mental health; regardless of my blog’s disclaimer! 


At first, it was overwhelming and upsetting to hear people saying such negative things partly made me feel reassured that I wasn’t alone, but mostly made me feel hopeless because there’s other people feeling the way I do. Then, after a while, I started to view it as… heartwarming, maybe? That people feel and think that I’m a good person to talk to about their mental health and that they trust me with the most vulnerable side of themselves. These days? Well, I still see all these sides to it, but I also think that it’s important to stress that I’m just not the ‘right’ person to talk to. Some may argue and say that they’d rather speak to someone who understands than a professional who thinks they do because they have a degree. I get that. But you have to consider how it would be to tell someone like me that you feel suicidal and to then go ahead and do something…?! I mean, there’s only so much I can do… like I said; I’m not the right person!

THE ART OF DECISION MAKING IN MENTAL HEALTH

“The human life is made up of choices. Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. And then there are the choices that matter; to love or hate. To be a hero or to be a coward. To fight or to give in. To live or die.”

Derek Shepherd, Greys Anatomy, Season 6 Episode 24

I was recently at a meeting with Richmond Fellowship at their Head Office and someone talked about how they’d heard a comment somewhere that it actually only takes five seconds to make a decision. That you can spend hours mulling it over and considering the pros and cons; but really, it takes just five seconds to finally decide on something. I found this idea really interesting and so it has inspired this blog post…

THE TOP MENTAL HEALTH FAUX PAS

faux pas

[ˌfō ˈpä]

NOUN

an embarrassing or tactless act or remark in a social situation.

Someone asked me about the title of one of my recent blog posts (WHY “LOOK HOW FAR YOU’VE COME” & “DON’T LET HIM WIN” ARE BECOMING MY NEW PET PEEVES) because they’re two phrases that this person uses with me and I think that they were worried that I’ve been finding them unhelpful and just not telling them. I explained that I understand people – because it isn’t just this person who frequently uses these phrases – always mean well when they say these things and that they’re trying to help but mental health can be a minefield and sometimes, when you hear the same thing over and over again it will, of course, become a pet peeve, change it’s meaning and change its impact.

So, for the record, here’s – what I think are – the top mental health faux pas:



“Self-harm isn’t the answer”

I’m sorry but I don’t recall ever claiming that it was! I had a discussion recently about the other inpatients when I was in the long-term, specialist Hospital and how they had each encouraged one another to self-harm. To the point where one person had snuck in a blade and they had passed it around one another knowing full well what each person would be doing with it. I explained that even though I sometimes find self-harm ‘helpful’ in some way, I would NEVER promote it or encourage others to try to use it as a coping mechanism. One thing I’ve known since I first cut myself - but it’s something I’m only just really learning - is that self-harm can be an addiction. A cycle. When my anti-psychotic medication was reduced and the auditory hallucinations came back, I began self-harming again in response to them and because of that, self-harm has – once again – become my first port of call when I’m struggling. When things happen that are upsetting, rather than attempting to use my Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) coping skills, I’m resorting to self-harm and of course I don’t want to be constantly in and out of hospital, covered in scars and bandages, so I’ve wracked my brain trying to think of what really got me out of the cycle last time. And it was being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. But I was determined that it isn’t going to take something like that to help me; I can do it myself! I hate the feeling of being out of control so I lassoed all of the energy I have left and I’m very proud – and relieved – to say, that it’s been seven days since I last self-harmed; which is the longest period for the last five months! 

FOUR WAYS TO COPE WHEN THE PROFESSIONALS DON’T BELIEVE YOU

I wrote a post recently about the power of words; which was inspired by the recent battle I’ve had with two Psychiatrists who have accused me of ‘feigning’ the hallucinations I experience. When I was talking to my Mum about it, she told me to remember that the most important people believe me and not to let what was said deter me from talking when I struggle. I told her that I wouldn’t let it; and that instead, I’d use it as inspiration for a blog post to try and ensure that others don’t let similar attitudes and comments impact them in the hugely negative and detrimental way that they have the potential to.


Mental health will likely always be surrounded by stigma but even if one day it is not, people who speak up and talk openly about their mental health problems will always be brave and courageous. This makes it so important and essential that when someone comes forward about their struggles they are met with a positive, supportive, and empathetic response. To be accused of lying or ‘making up’ their experiences can be incredibly debilitating and promote the idea that services aren’t the source of support that they should be. This can leave you feeling alone, and you might find yourself desperately searching for coping strategies to deal with the professionals’ disbelief. I hope that this post can help people avoid resorting to negative, unsafe coping mechanisms…