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“Vision? What do you know about my
vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your
illusions, and send the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around
you. Now ask yourself, are you ready to see that vision?”
Huey Freeman
I’ve recently had a friend start struggling with their mental health and I’ve witnessed them go into tunnel vision where they were so set and so focused on one thing it was as though nothing I could say would even be heard, never mind have an impact! It was strange for me to actually see it because my Mum has always described me as having tunnel vision when I’m mentally unwell and struggling with thoughts to self-harm or with suicidal feelings.
But self-harm and suicide aren’t the only aspect of mental health where tunnel vision is used; and they weren’t the first area I used mine in. The first time I can think of that I used tunnel vision was with the abuse I went through when I was fifteen, and I thought that no one would believe me if I were to report it to someone. My own conviction and the fact that it was consistently supported by my abuser and his comments on how everyone already thought me to be a liar and how no one would believe him capable of doing such a thing, cemented this belief. It turned any evidence to the contrary invisible and no matter how many opportunities I had to tell my lovely, caring, mum what was happening to me; I just couldn’t see beyond the conviction that she’d not only not believe me but she’d disown me for lying too! I was so truly lost in this lonely, isolating thought that had left me feeling so completely disregarded and forgotten about – the exact opposite of what was actually going on at the time(!) – that I almost wondered if I were the only person in the world.