So, for the past week I’ve have P!NK’s song What About Us in my head and have had it on repeat on Youtube! When I watched the lyric version of the song/video I found myself able to relate it to a lot of different things in my life and that gave me the inspiration to write this post.

If you want to read about the wide range of songs and singers that I relate to different parts on my life, there’s a post here

 We’re not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again

-       Just Give Me A Reason

These lyrics have meant a lot in my life after Dolly was put to sleep last week. Even though I knew I wanted another cat I struggled to imagine loving her as much as I did Dolly. And I knew that it’d be unfair to bring a kitten into a home where they weren’t loved 100% so it took me almost a week to be sure that I would give the new kitten the best possible life and care. Having Emmy has taught me that we can love different people – or pets - in different ways and for different reasons.

These tough times they keep coming, last night I might have messed it up again, some days I’m barely breathing

-       Beautiful Trauma

I always think about when I self-harmed with these lyrics; there were times when I was fighting the hallucinations and their demands to self-harm that I grew so physically and mentally tired I felt like I was barely breathing. It was like I was too tired to breathe. A huge challenge for me when I did self-harm was having to tell the people I love what I’d done. It felt like I’d made a mistake – that I’d ‘messed up’ again. I felt like I’d let everyone down.

I’m so glad that I’ll never fit in, that will never be me, outcasts and girls with ambition, that’s what I wanna see

-       Stupid Girls

As a child and teenager, I had a huge ‘thing’ about fitting in. I always thought of myself as one of the unpopular kids and this was confirmed when I was bullied in High School. As I got older, you’d have thought my confidence would have increased but then my poorly mental health came along and the loneliness that the stigma caused made me – if anything - even less confident. I felt more different than ever. It wasn’t until I was in recovery at about 23 years old, that I lost all concern for what others thought of me. I’d learnt that life was too short to worry about things like that and the most important aspect of confidence is what you think about yourself. 

How do you walk with your head held high? Can you even look me in the eye? And tell me why

-       Dear Mr. President

I associate these lyrics to my trauma. I guess that the first bit is something I would say to the person who caused the trauma; I’ve been going through hell since the abuse and he got a promotion! It makes you think what kind of person can hurt someone in the way he hurt me and still go on… still hold is head high appearing not to have a care in the world. Then with my previous post in mind; I think that a ‘reason’ is a lot different to an excuse. A reason implies an actual legitimate explanation or justification for his actions where an excuse fails to justify anything - it is never good enough. If he could come up with the smallest of reasons for the abuse… 

You’re so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong, change the voices in your head, make them like you instead, so complicated, look how big you’ll make it

-       Perfect

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