SOCIAL MEDIA & MENTAL HEALTH

Initially, I was worried that lots of readers will think that it’s quite wrong of me to write a blog post about the most recent celebrity suicide because I’ve actually heard of the celebrity (Caroline Flack) this time; but it’s more about the assumed cause of the suicide; trolling and social media in general. I’m not weighing in on things because I won’t pretend that I know a lot about the entire situation, it’s just that it has inspired me to write a blog post about social media, coping with trolling, thoughts on suicide, and why I promote social media despite all of this negativity and this horrific influence it can have on a person’s life.


I think that a lot of people will assume I might never have had a bad experience with social media if I’m so determined to tell people how great it is and convince others to utilize all of the good it holds; but that isn’t true. When I was fifteen, a group of girls at High School began bullying me and one of their methods was through MSN messenger (bit of a throwback!) because it meant that the bullying could continue even into the comfort of my own bedroom. They weren’t limited to snide, spiteful comments in the corridor or spreading rumours among the other pupils. Social media meant that they could harass me when I was just sitting at home or playing on the computer, where I thought I was safe from them. Somewhere that – I thought – was my only escape, actually turned out to be at their easiest reach.

THE TEN BIGGEST INSULTS IN MENTAL HEALTH

In my previous post, I talked about acceptance in connection with hallucinations and something I said has inspired this post: ‘…people reading this who have never hallucinated might not understand…’ It’s quite a common belief in mental health service users; that those on the ‘outside’ looking in will never understand what they are going through. I think that in fairness, those on the ‘inside’ might never understand what it is like for the people looking in. I’m not going to lie, it’s taken me a long time to be able to see it from both sides because I was so caught up in what was happening to me that when it/I was misunderstood, I’d get angry and defensive. Natural though, right? Like, anyone would be like that if they felt insulted… no matter what the situation.

I really hope that this post does a couple of things: I hope that it doesn’t just tell ‘outsiders’ what not to say but that it also tells them why they might be met with a certain reaction when they do say these things; because I don’t believe they always mean to be offensive. I also hope that it offers some assurance to the ‘insiders’ that they aren’t the only ones these things are being said to, and that they aren’t the only ones to feel insulted by them.

1.      “Shake it off”

BULLYING: MY EXPERIENCE, ADVICE & MESSAGES TO THE BULLIES

So, I went to my neighbour’s house yesterday and her daughter told me she had a headache, when I asked why the reply was a little more than I’d assumed it’d be. She told me she’d been on the phone all afternoon with her daughter’s (my neighbour’s granddaughter) school after finding out a boy was bullying her. Her daughter told me that the boy was spreading rumors about her and turning all of her friends against her, to the point where they shouted at her that day at lunch time. It brought back a ton of memories of when I was bullied at High School and then I began to worry… All of those stories you see and hear in the media about young people committing suicide after being bullied at School. That fueled my anger that it was now happening to a young person I cared about, and this; was the inspiration for this blog post.

DAY ONE MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK | BODY IMAGE Q&A WITH... ME!

Name: Aimee   

Age: 28

Location: Northumberland, UK

Why did you agree to take part in this Q&A?

I figured that if I was going to ask others to take part then I should probably complete one myself.

At what age do you think you first began to take notice of your body image?

15

What made you take notice?

I began being bullied for being so ‘thin.’ I was called a ‘bag of bones’ and told that I’d never find a boyfriend.

Would you say that your thoughts on your body image began as positive or negative?

Negative

"WHEN THE SHARPEST WORDS WANNA CUT ME DOWN" | HOW I COPED WITH RECENT SPITEFULNESS

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I’m gunna send a flood, gunna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I’m meant to be, this is me

Look out ‘cause here I come

And I’m marchin’ on to the beat I drum

Keala Settle – This Is Me, Greatest Showman Soundtrack

So, something happened the other day. Something always happens! After all, without something happening, would there even be a blog post?!

I got an email from Amazon to say that someone had reported that the contents of my book were freely available online and so I may not have the publishing rights. I mean, where are the words? Of course, I replied with an astounded ‘it’s-definitely-my-work-and-I-can-prove-it’ e’mail before I had a huge cry!

How could someone be so… spiteful? A lot of people use the word jealous – saying that others tear you down because they’re actually jealous of your success, your looks, your personality, your style, your hair… But as someone who has regularly had people make assumptions of my emotions and behaviours, I don’t want to presume that’s how this person feels; jealousy is quite a strong word and conjures up many accusations against a person’s character so let’s not go there!

WHEN YOU'VE GOT THAT SONG IN YOUR HEAD | RELATING TO P!NK LYRICS

So, for the past week I’ve have P!NK’s song What About Us in my head and have had it on repeat on Youtube! When I watched the lyric version of the song/video I found myself able to relate it to a lot of different things in my life and that gave me the inspiration to write this post.

If you want to read about the wide range of songs and singers that I relate to different parts on my life, there’s a post here

 We’re not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again

-       Just Give Me A Reason

9 STIGMATISED COMMENTS I'VE HEARD

One

“If you actually wanted to commit suicide you’d go into the woods in the middle of the night and get it over with quickly and quietly”

This was said to me by a police officer. She was taking me from where I’d been found – after being reported missing, on the beach to A&E after I admitted that I’d taken an overdose. To say something like that to a person in a mental health crisis is so dangerous. In that moment, when she said it to me; I just thought ‘thanks for the tip. I’ll do that next time.’

THE IMPORTANCE OF STANDING UP FOR SOMETHING

I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
'Cause we don't want your broken parts
I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one'll love you as you are

But I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are…

Another round of bullets hits my skin
Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in
We are bursting through the barricades and
Reaching for the sun (we are warriors)
Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)

I won't let them break me down to dust
I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious

- This Is Me - Keala Settle, The Greatest Showman

So recently, I went to the cinema with one of my bestfriend’s (and bridesmaid), Lauren; to see The Greatest Showman. I don’t want to include any spoilers, so I’ll just say… it was incredible!

But also… in it, Hugh Jackman plays a man who, massively, invests (not just financially) in his ideas. When others tell him he’s wrong, or try to take something away from his successes, he stands up to them and refuses to minimise or ignore his dreams and imagination.

'I have worked so hard at re-building my life' - A guest post by Sophie Bonner | 'Ad'

I didn't begin using makeup until I was about 15/16 and subsequently developed the belief that I couldn't be seen without it. Even if I were in hospital I'd have at least the base on. Wearing makeup does affect my confidence and so, I was eager to have Sophie work her magic on my face! The look she did was 110% out of my comfort zone, but I liked it. It was amazing to see how the contouring she did seemed to completely change my face shape!

Hi! I'm Sophie, a skin specialist, makeup artist, and brand new beauty blogger! 
I am honoured to be writing a blog post for such an inspirational, successful blogger who I am proud to call my best friend. And I feel that this the perfect time to share not only my story, but my journey!

Right now, I am in love with the path I am walking and the cards I have been dealt, but I fought tooth and nail, day and night to get here. At school I was bullied to the extreme. So much so, I moved schools twice. I was ridiculed for being fat, and for being ugly. It came from all peers; boys and girls. The bullying was horrific; I'd walk into the girls toilets and 'Sophie is a fat slag' would be graffitied all over the walls, my hair was cut and once even spray painted, I had things thrown at my face and groups of the bullies would throw stones at the windows when I was at home. Inevitably, and as is common these days, the bullying spread to social media. There were pictures of me posted online so that people could call me fat and ugly in the comments and then a full page was created and was dedicated to people telling me to 'do the world a favour' and kill myself because I'd be 'better off dead. I was so low from the constant bullying that in time, I totally agreed with them. I was bullied because of my physical appearance and unfortunately, in lots similar cases the victim doesn't get through it; but with amazing support, I came through the bullying. I reached the other side.

My dad used to give me a pep talk every day when he was taking me to school. He used to say 'when these people are doing what they are doing to hurt you, just think of where you will be in 10 years, and where they will be. Because people who act like that in life will amount to nothing, and the people like you who show strength and battle the through will be the ones who make it'.

I have worked so hard at re-building my life after the bullying. I've been a homeowner since the age of 18 and I have worked full time to support myself since I was 16. I'm now 23 and I'm currently studying a mental health nursing degree whilst working as a makeup artist and skin specialist. These aspects of beauty are SO important to me, and I have so much passion and interest around this because without makeup, skincare and nutrition, I would never have had the confidence to do what I'm doing now. This is my incentive: to use my skills and experience in this area to help others to have a confidence boost. This keeps me going.
What do I want this post to achieve?
For someone who is going through what I went through and sees no way out; to see that they can be someone. YOU can be someone. You can inspire others, whether it be on a small scale, or a large scale. And do you know what makes my story even better? Those same people that once called me fat and ugly. Who threw things at me. Who told me I would be better off dead; are now coming to ME for advice. They're asking ME to help them. They seek inspiration from ME to help improve their own lives.

You can read more about my friendship with Sophie here
You can read Sophie's blog here
You can see her Facebook page which includes tutorial videos here
And follow her Instagram here

Can being treat for an overdose do more harm?

This title will no doubt cause a knee-jerk response of 'no!' And possibly a few 'how could she even ask?!' But stay with me guys...
When I first got poorly (mentally), everyone was concerned. The first two times I overdosed, I was sectioned. The second, in a dramatic fashion that involved six police, leg restraints and sedation. People were worried. Scared. They cared.
I couldn't pin point exactly when that stopped happening, but I'd guess that it was probably around the tenth or fifteenth overdose (my notes show I've taken over 70 since 2009). After ruling out psychosis, inpatient mental health cared less. After causing scene after scene in A&E, hospital staff cared less. After going AWOL every chance I got, police cared less. I understood. I wasn't a nice person during those years. I didn't understand what was happening to me so, because I couldn't explain why I'd do the things I'd do, I allowed professionals to assume. And the majority of assumptions were that I did what I did for attention. But looking back, yes. Yes, I wanted attention. I wanted people to pay attention to my hurt and my anger and realise it wasn't aimed at them. I wanted someone - anyone, to pay attention to what had happened to me. But my feelings around my trauma: that I was to blame, was intensified by the new attitude of professionals. I felt that I deserved to be treat that way and to punish myself, I hurt myself. It was a hellish cycle. I can't help but wonder whether if staff had continued to treat me with the same original care and attitude, if the self-harm would have continued for so long and escalated to the point it did...
The reason this is on my mind?
Back in September, my psychosis escalated and I took an overdose. A senior Consultant in A&E became involved when I was struggling to accept help. He was abrupt and cold and although it put me on edge, I understood it was probably his demeanour and had nothing to do with his attitude towards mental health or what I'd done. When the little smart arse remarks began, I started to doubt myself. When it got to the point that I found myself wanting to be out of the hospital in order to be away from him, I knew he'd made things worse. And after restraining me so hard that he left fingerprint bruises and then slapping a Doctor on the back for 'filling my head with lies' I really... Lost my shit! In restraint, I was close to kicking out. When he tried to enter my room, after, I kept the door shut. I then requested that he not return to my room. And when he ignored my request, I confronted him about his attitude, comments and hitting the other doctor and was surprised that he admitted to everything. In front of a healthcare assistant. I cried because I felt that the feelings of uncontrollable aggression and anger were part of the Old Aimee. I'd always told myself that even if I was still self-harming, at least I wasn't treating professionals the way I used to. I was sad to feel that this one Doctor had set me back.
If I'd had the Consultant who took over in the morning that entire time, I'm sure that things would've gone differently.
And this, is my point; if professionals treat you so badly when all you need is their help and support then how could this possibly aid recovery? For me, each incident with staff was just added to my collection of bad memories that rapidly grew after each hospitalisation.
It's no secret that mental health service users have sometimes been known to self harm or succeed in suicide because of the way they have been treat by professionals. So how can you be sure that admitting someone to hospital or having police involvement will not worsen the persons mental health?

The Stigma Within Mental Health Patients

Stigma of mental health is a well-known, well-publicized problem. However, the focus is normally on the general public, police and medical staff having little knowledge or education in mental health and as a result, have out-dated opinions and unhelpful behaviours. There is rarely any focus on stigma within the network of psychiatric service users and patients. I'm going to take the lid off of this can of worms in this post...

I was hospitalized a number of times before the admission that led to this blog but never into a setting where there'd been a sense of community and family. This, was for three reasons; there weren't those type of wards, I wasn't admitted for long enough to build any relationships and there was no interaction with the wards beyond your own.
This all changed in my last hospitalization. Firstly, it was a specialized personality disorder unit so the patients all had some similarities; areas to bond on and behaviours and attitudes to dispute. It was also a long-term unit so during my admission there were around 5 girls who were on the ward from the beginning to the end of my admission (two and a half years). This also enabled relationships to be built. We were also in a smaller hospital with only different four wards and there were often trips out or activities with patients from each ward. After a while, the courtyard was also changed so that those who went out could interact with patients from the other wards.
And this is where the first stigmatization came in. Within our hospital there was our unit, a unit for 'challenging behaviour,' a men's unit, and a PICU (Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit): who we had the most confrontations with. Patients on a PICU, are often the most poorly or unsafe and so, any interactions with them often resulted in something upsetting and triggering being said to a girl from our ward. This would result in self-harm, distress, the need for extra medication... And it caused tension with other patients who felt the need to argue with those staff who were responsible for mixing the wards and for not supervising them properly in order to avoid such incidents. Over time, there was also physical assaults from PICU patients to those girls on our PD (Personality Disorder) ward and this all led to our PD patients having a pre-conceived idea of any patients on the PICU, which meant generalizing all those on that ward.
Within our ward, there was also stigma attached to aspects that resulted in patients feeling inequal to one another. One factor in this, was your level of observations (varies from arm's length to hourly) which meant that often those on a high level of observation, were avoided. Not particularly in a cruel way, just at fear of being upset or triggered by the person's poorly state of mind and often violent outbursts. If you were to pass someone's room and see a member of staff sat outside the room, it was always assumed that the patient had needed to be restrained or had self-harmed to have gotten themselves on such a level of observation.
Another aspect on the ward which sparked stigma was how much leave a patient had. The Psychiatrist of each patient who was detained under the Mental Health Act had to prescribe leave for that patient. This included detailing how long the leave was for, where the patient was permitted to, and whether they must be escorted by staff, which included how many staff were to go with the patient. If a patient had unescorted leave (without staff) then they were regarded as much further along in the recovery process. The amount and kind of leave a patient had caused a divide on the ward between those who had unlimited unescorted leave and those who couldn't even go into the hospital grounds without a member of staff.
Even medication became a ward divide. For some, it seemed to actually be a competition with one patient stating how many milligrams of a medication they were on and another stating how much more they are prescribed. For those who had experienced varied medication throughout their mental health illness, they often deem some drugs to be insignificant to their own. For example, Lorazepam (a mild sedative) was deemed less significant to Zopiclone (a sleeping tablet). There was also some level of competition between patients and what they had done in their past. For example, one patient would recount a time when they jumped from a building and, as though as to go 'one better', another patient will recount a time when they self-harmed to such a degree that they needed surgery.
It's a sad state of affairs when there's stigma and inequality within mental health patients and their units/hospitals. Especially when really, they should be working as a team (so to speak) to unite in battling the public's stigma on all those with mental ill health. 

Coping With Trolls #FightBackToTrolls

Blogging, no matter which area you choose to blog about, will attract trolls. Anyone with a social media account is vulnerable to trolling in this day and age, and I find that extremely sad. People should be able to post tweets of their likes and dislikes without fear of retribution, bullying and trolling. 

I was first bullied in Primary School for the mere and pathetic fact, that I had an usual surname (I grew up with my father's surname). Like most bullying at that age, it had little impact and affect on me. 

High School, was a different story. The first bullying began in year 9 (aged 12), when a boy I liked stopping liking me - typical twelve year old troubles! One day I was popular and the next I was sad and my friends melted away in the same way my happiness had. 'Friends' in High School are fickle. As my behaviour deteriorated I 'made myself' even more isolated. Once there was an awful supply teacher and the most popular girl in school asked me to 'go to town' on him. Usually, other pupils would mutter for me to 'shut up' or roll their eyes to their friends hissing 'for God's sake' or 'here we go again.' But I couldn't stop. Because if I stopped drawing attention to myself, then it'd mean having to accept that I would then be doing absolutely nothing to help people realise that I was being hurt. But neither could I tell people that this was why I was acting out, and so I accepted the bullying and smart-ass comments. Even when the online bullies weren't bothered enough to hide behind their keyboards, they knew I was so weak that telling me they were the girls I hung out with at school would make no difference to any possible retribution. The only reason they were told off at school was because my mum asked why I was crying. 

And the bullying made me even more vulnerable than the abuse already had. During my A Levels, if I saw a group of girls glance at me whilst laughing then they were saying something mean about me. I held the 'they're popular and I'm not' belief for a lot longer than those who have actually grown up. 

My eventual level of confidence at the moment is largely due to my age in that, if I feel like there's a group of teenagerslaughing at me whilst I'm out then I reassure myself that they're younger and remind myself of the amazing comments from my readers. I remind myself that I'm a blogger. And I'm proud. I'm proud of I'm NOT Disordered and it's many readers.

"I really don't deal well with negativity, it's why I've never published any video/audio clips/blogs"

People will think all sorts of you no matter what you do, and what I've learnt over the years is to take away their power to destroy you. If I could give you a step-by-step guide on how to do this, I would post it in a heartbeat. But I think it took a lot of different things to make this possible in my own life. And I believe it's one of those things that's individual to each person; it'll take a different combination of things to enable you to not be over-powered by the opinions of others. For me, my blog's success is what I'd say if I had to put my finger on one particular reason. Mental health, abuse, self-harm and various complicated feelings, thoughts, and emotions have filled my life up for a long time and I couldn't tell you when I was last this proud of something I had achieved as I am with I'm NOT Disordered. The thing is, it's more than just a popular blog, it's who it means I am to have achieved this; hardworking, determined, passionate, dedicated, a good writer and perhaps even - dare I say it - interesting. Here's the thing, I'm not saying these because im big-headed. I'm saying them because there's evidence. Evidence I can't deny. I have over 100,000 views. And you don't get that unless you are all of the skills I listed.

So trolls? I just... I don't get it. Why be nasty to a person who is doing no harm? There are so many people on the internet who express their views in an impolite way. Or say things purely to cause trouble. Negative comments towards these people could perhaps be understood but against girls blogging about their favourite lippie? Come on. I once had a comment that read 'get a job and stop making a career out of being poorly.' Among the many things that this comment is, it's very stupid. If you have a career, why do you need a job? Encouraging me to make a fourth attempt on my life? I just don't understand what people who write these, can gain from this... Ironic that those 'brave' enough to express such a thought are too cowardly to leave their name. Because they know they'll get
shit from the many people who disagree. And they know that what they're doing is wrong so they're
avoiding getting into trouble by posting 'anonymous.'
It was sad that in Story Camp when discussing what you should do in preparation for starting a blog, they had to include preparing yourself for trolling. It's a true fact but it's saddening that this is the case in our day and age.
Hats off to all those who continue blogging or whatever it is you're doing, in the face of trolls. You have the support of millions. And your trolls? Well no one supports them!

#FightBackToTrolls

The Stigma of Multiple Diagnosis - A guest blog by Sophie Dishman | 'Ad'

First of all, thank you to Aimee for letting me write this blog post as a guest post on her blog!

Secondly, I should probably introduce myself, I’m Sophie. And I have two mental health diagnosis’. I have anxiety, both health anxiety (hypochondria) and social anxiety and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Mental health problems have an unfathomable amount of stigma, dating back to the mental asylums from the past. It’s shocking that in today’s “modern” society, the stigma around mental health problems still exists.

Having one mental health problem to contend with is enough, but having two is harder. My health and social anxiety come into one diagnosis of anxiety, if you are wondering why I’m not saying three diagnosis’ .

The stigma surrounding any mental health problem is inevitably large. People are labelled as “crazy”, “nuts” and “crackers”. We aren’t any of those things. We are human beings. We are people just like everyone else. We have mental health problems is all.

I think the stigma comes from the Victorian age, where people were locked up because of their “mental state”. Women were locked up for giving birth out of wedlock, homosexual people were put into institutions and some physical health problems such as epilepsy were classified as a “mental health problem”. People did not split the physical body from the mind. Today, we do. Mental health is shown in a different light to that of physical health. We can now see the distinction between epilepsy, as being a neurological problems. We can now see that homosexuality is a norm in society (although some would contest this) and are now more accepting of women giving birth out of wedlock. But yet, however much this has changed, people with mental health problems still face stigmatisation.

Anxiety is talked about as someone who “worries a lot”. Indeed a person would be correct for thinking this but there is something more to it. It’s excessive worrying that takes over your day to day life. Health anxiety faces a big challenge as it’s also more commonly known as hypochondria. I was called a “hypochondriac” throughout my childhood and I guess the name has stuck with me as a formal diagnosis. It has been used against me, by way of a joke and to jibe at me. It’s funny to some people.

Then there is the social anxiety. This one is not as big of a problem as my health anxiety 
but it is just as difficult. I may come across as confident, but inside I’m shaking, I’m nervous. Thinking things will go wrong. I get labelled as the “nervous one”, the one who is “uncomfortable” in situations where there are lots of people. It isn’t easy being in a crowd of people. I don’t know what to do or where to put myself. It’s been hinted at that I may have some form of autism. 

Last but not least we have OCD. It brings with it the stigma of “so you clean lots then?”. OCD doesn’t just include cleaning things. It’s behaviours. It’s the thoughts that occur. The obsessive part is the thoughts. They pop into your head. The compulsive part is the action. What you do to combat the behaviour. It gets tedious explaining things to people. I sanitise. I still have some rituals but I’m getting better.

Explaining to people that I have two mental health diagnosis’ is difficult. You get told that you are “twice as bad” by society. That two mental health problems have “polluted your mind”. Yes, someone actually said that to me. Anxiety and OCD are probably two of the most recognised mental health problems, but they still carry the weight of the world in terms of stigma. All mental health problems are the same in terms of severity because no-one wants to have a mental health problem, let alone two!

I hope that by reading this, you have some more understanding of multiple mental health diagnosis. If you want to follow more of my mental health journey then follow my blog: https://socialworkjourney2013.wordpress.com. You can also follow me on Twitter: @SophieMJSYPE

Sophie,

I can't believe it's taken me so long to write this post. 
I remember when I first met Sophie through another friend and immediately thought she was hilarious and so friendly. 
The next time I saw her, was at a party. She was soooo drunk and everyone she was with were off enjoying themselves so I remember sitting in the toilet cubicle, holding her hair back. And she asked for a wet tissue on her head so I did that and literally after a few minutes she was like "what you doing? You're soaking me!!!" And so, I ended up going into her phone and called her Dad to come collect her. I remember putting her in his car and he thanked me. And we've been friends ever since! 
Sophie is one of those friends who is so kind and generous but she isn't a doormat. She'll speak up, but she chooses her battles. She's one of those few people who light up a room when they walk in. She has this sparkle about her that means if you were in the same room, you would instinctively go and speak to her. And guaranteed you'd cry with laughter during the conversation. 
Sophie, like most people, hasn't had the easiest of lives and has proved bullies wrong by losing weight and gaining confidence. To compare photos, you wouldn't believe it was the same girl. She always smiled but I think it was a surface smile; now it goes right to her soul. And you can tell.
She also got out of a bad relationship. This person tried to wear her down and I was so worried he'd succeed and change my Sophie and take her confidence and sass away. But like always, she came out on top. I remember when they split and Soph and I had a little party at their flat and she and some of the guys ended up running into the sea on Blyth Beach at stupid-o'clock in the morning/night. And upon getting back to her flat she ordered everyone to the bathroom to wash the sand off before going into her sitting room. Her ex returned in the morning to find boxer shorts in the bathroom and two hungover girls (Soph and I). She's now in such an awesome relationship that I see them as a relationship goal. Craig treats Sophie like a princess which is exactly how she deserves to be treat. And I think that through this, Sophie has learnt that her friends should treat her this way and it's given her the ability to recognise her self-worth and adjust her social circle appropriately. 
On a deeper, more serious note; I remember walking through the dunes and sitting on the sand, watching the sea until the early hours of the morning - no alcohol in sight, and telling her what had happened to me. Telling her the darkest parts. To this day, she is the only person outside of professionals to know such details. And this is one of the many things that makes her so special and so important to me. This girl was the only person aside from my Mum to travel all the way to the hospital I was in, when she brought me a pink Christmas tree that I wasn't allowed because it had built in lights! My first Christmas in my forever home though, you'd better believe that was my tree! And she brought non-alcoholic cider that the entire ward were privileged to indulge in after special permission. I also remember heading for a carvery with her followed by two staff who were wished 'good luck' by another staff as we giggled ourselves silly! 
Sophie has been with me through thick and thin and I'd like this post to be just a small thank you for everything she has done for me.
Now see what I mean about the sparkle when you look at her beautiful face below.
And Sophie? If you read this, thank you. And I love you. Here's to many more drunken nights and meaningful chats together. 
Xoxo
PS. Remember the cheese factory? :') 

"We are the next generation" - A guest blog by Soph Hopkins

"We are the next generation." This motto carries me through life when I have the belief that young people are underestimated in today's world. My reasons for this? When I was 15 I was labelled as a failure. I was never believed. I was bullied. I was ill but at that time no one recognized it, and so, I left school being told I would get no where in life. I genuinely thought I was heading to heaven when I left school aged 16; I self-harmed and overdosed numerous times and ran away from home. The one thing to keep me going was my freedom to fight for the rights of young people.

The last four years have been a journey and I feel like a completely different person from my last day at school to where I am now. I have grown to build upon the negativity that I experienced for the first fifteen years of my life and although I still have negatives in my life, I am doing things about these because I want other young people to notice life is not all about what you learn at school. Schooling builds you for an academic world, not for life, which is full of positives and negatives. If I think back to the day of my last exam at school, I never would have imagined that four years down the line I would be a strong mental health activist locally,regionally and nationally. The last four years have created me; Soph Hopkins.

I have been a core volunteer at Youth Focus North East working on projects around well being, mental health and more recently dementia. I was a volunteer with 'Change Ur Mind' ran by Youth Focus and until June 2015 was in partnership with Young Minds. The opportunities that I have been offered through these two organisations has been phenomenal. I have been to London to represent the group at an awards, I have attended conferences, training, had an interview with BBC Women's Hour, BBC Newcastle Live and The Times. I have attended large events like Newcastle Upon Tyne Clinical Commission Group's who run a workshop in London. Another piece of work I have completed was with Change Makers UK (now the Foyer Federation) where I completed the leadership programme that allowed me to improve health services so that they met the criteria for 'Your Welcome.' I worked with the Gateshead Sexual Health Clinic and created leaflets, attended events where I could present our work and assessed other services. 

I have also been a volunteer with Youth Speak since it's beginning, it is a research mental health group for young people. This meant I helped create the group and design what we wanted it to be about. I feel I've really helped the group advance. I love the group and I feel supported so that I can really be myself. I've always found support from staff in the different projects I've worked on and the organisations I've worked with has been incredible. I suffer from a panic disorder, Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder so I do struggle myself sometimes, but the staff have always gotten me through it and never given up on me.

Recently, I have just started working on my own Social Stereotypes project with Fixers UK. I am so excited to show older generation that young people are not all criminals when wearing a hoody. I love working with Fixers UK and I believe that without my voluntary work, I wouldn't be here now. 

I'm a mental health sufferer. I'm a young person. A campaigner. I am the next generation. We are the next generation.

Follow me on Twitter for all of the work I do:
@blackbeltsoph

5 Years Ago, I Wish I'd Known...

• That I have a chance.
• That I might not kill myself.
• That what happened to me, wasn't my fault.
• That I shouldn't let my fear of people's opinion of me stop me from telling them what happened to me.
• That relationships shouldn't last solely because you feel indebted to that person.
• That eventually, professionals will care.
• That those who don't (care) shouldn't matter.
• That I will become strong enough to face mental health stigma.
• That it doesn't matter how many friends you have or who they are.
• That I will find a reason to live.
• That overdosing at the place of my trauma will not solve anything.
• That there is no shame in taking/needing medication and I shouldn't let anyone make me feel that there is.
• That I'd have scars on my arms for a long time.
• That hallucinations can't hurt you as badly as you can hurt yourself.
• That not going to University does not make you a failure.
• That admitting to being bullied says more about the bullies than it does about you.
• That those bad feelings will end without having to self-harm.
• That the scales and the label on your clothes should not determine your happiness; there's more important things in life.
• That honesty is the best policy.
• That there will never be a person more important than my Mum.
• That your family will not be here forever; you should appreciate them and tell them you love them every day.
• That animals really can be your best-friend.
• That money is never worth the worry.
• Someone will eventually come along and see my pain and help me.
• That I will live.

Note: To see what I've been up to recently, go see my vlogs on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxkWBmMgubKY3zfqH_VkZJg

''This award just shows that the work I'm doing is making a difference" - A guest blog by Jack Wilson

Early on in Secondary School my friends from Primary School and I, started to drift apart as our separate classes meant they started to form new friend groups. I wasn't accepted into any of them, I was always getting left out and felt like I didn't belong with them any more. I started spending my time alone, wandering the halls, while all my “friends” were hanging out with their new groups. Over the next month I began to experience bullying in school; I was teased and called names every so often by a group of 9 older lads. Eventually, this moved on to become more frequent and the bullying started to get physical with the odd push and punch here and there, this continued up until November 2009; when they attacked me on the school bus. I was goaded into going upstairs before one of the boys grabbed me by the throat and the others kicked me; I thought 'is this it? Are they actually going to kill me?' When the attack finally ended, all I wanted to do was cry but I couldn't at risk of embarrassing myself in front of everyone on the bus. After the Christmas holidays, the bullying resumed and on January 14th 2010  I was attacked again when one of the bullies pushed me off the bus. The shame and humiliation of being bullied meant that I was reluctant to see medical help for the physical pain I began experiencing in the leg that had been hurt when I was pushed. X-Rays, medical tests and the use of crutches meant that I never returned to mainstream education and completed my GCSE's through the Hospital and Home Tuition Service. 

On a routine appointment with my GP, I admitted that I didn't feel 'quite right' and was referred to CAMHS, where I finally reported the bullying and the extent of it and was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) that had caused anxiety and depression. I had medication and various therapy treatments e.g. CBT and EMDR. 

My own ill mental health inspired me to begin volunteering with YoungMinds. At this point in time YoungMinds had a partnership going with Youth Focus: North East to set up a North East Region Wide Mental Health Youth Board (now known as Change UR Mind) I started to get involved with this exciting project as well as it was just in the setting up phase so it gave me a great chance to use my experience of mental health issues to set up this youth board. The next YoungMinds campaign was 'Vs' and I became the face for the Anti-Bullying section of the campaign; I got to attend the national launch at the Houses of Commons where I met Ed Milliband, Frankie from the Saturdays and other MPs. Through YoungMinds Vs I have also attended the Labour Party Conference where I met Barry Sheerman (MP for Huddersfield in the past government) and was asked by him to go to his office in London at a later date with some other YoungMinds Vs Activists to talk to him more about the campaign and if there was anything he could do! 

I loved my time volunteering for these projects and I wanted to see more of the behind the scenes workings of the groups and projects so I started volunteering on the admin team at Youth Focus: North East, one day a week, which led to a paid summer placement with them on the admin team. From this all it has helped me realise that I wanted to become a youth worker to help other young people the way I have been helped. I was elected to be the Children and Young People's Service User Governor and this has been one of the best experiences of my life as it has given me so many different chances to have a voice and let other service users’ voices be heard within the Northumberland Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation trust. In August 2014 I was taken on by Youth Focus: North East as a Level 2 Youth Work Apprentice after I had come across Level 2 Youth Work Practice Training earlier that year delivered by Youth Force. When I got the news they were going to open up a Youth Work Apprenticeship for me I was over the moon and couldn’t believe it, finally things were going in the direction I wanted them too! My apprenticeship has given me so much more of an insight into youth work and just how projects are developed, funded and ran. With everything in life it can get stressful at times, but the good times and experiences completely outweigh these and I am so happy I am training to be a Youth Worker with Youth Focus: North East as I couldn't ask for a more friendly charity to work for! 

In February of this year I also won the Deputy Prime Ministers Mental Health Hero Award for the North East of England. When I found out my Mam had nominated me for it and I had actually won out of 900 nominees, it was truly amazing! So on the 5th February I attended the Time to Change, Time to Talk event in London where Nick Clegg the Deputy Prime Minister presented me and the other winners from the regions with their awards. It was such a fantastic evening and one I will remember for the rest of my life!  To know I won this award for all the volunteering and work I have done is magical. I never thought I would ever be recognised like that. I want to help other people, but to get this award just shows that the work I am doing is making a difference and that makes me so happy! 

For my future, I hope to continue my volunteering and go onto my Level 3 in Youth Work Practice whilst also transitioning from CAMHS to Adult Services when I turn 18. I hope that eventually with the right support, I will be able to live without needing to rely on treatment and medication. I know if I want that to happen there is so much hard work ahead of me, but I know with my supporting family and treatment I can get there! 

If I am to leave you all with one thing in your head that would be “If there is ever anything worrying you please do not bottle it up. From my experience I know there is the possibility this can make you feel so much worse! Never keep your emotions or feeling locked up. No matter who you talk to whether that is a partner, family member, friend, professional, teacher etc. please talk to someone. You never know it might just be the best decision you ever make, I know it was for me! 

Jack's Contact Details

jacksdwilson1997@gmail.com 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008411916806&fref=ts