THE ULTIMATE SIGN TO REPORT YOUR TRAUMA: FIVE REASONS WHY I’M GLAD I REPORTED MY RAPE & ABUSE TO THE POLICE & HOW DBT CAN HELP YOU TO REPORT YOUR OWN

It’s a goddamn blaze in the dark,

And you started it,

You started it,

So yeah, it’s a war

It’s the goddamn fight of my life

And you started it

Taylor Swift – Ivy

At first, this blog post was just going to be a post on the blog’s Instagram (@imnotdisordered) but, in all honesty, I found that I had too much to say than would fit on Instagram! So, I wanted to talk through the story behind me reporting my experiences of six months of sexual abuse and – during that time and by the same perpetrator – one instance of rape to the Police and then I’m going to share why I’m so glad that I did that. Reporting crimes like these can be controversial and can lead to a lot of mixed feelings for survivors, but I think one key concern for those who are yet to report their experiences, is that they’ll regret it. So, I want to properly answer the question I’m often asked when people hear that despite reporting the rape to the Police, CPS made the decision not to prosecute him (with the claim that there wasn’t enough evidence) … I have no regrets and – if anything – it’s the exact opposite because the impact reporting the rape and abuse has had on me, has actually given me motivation to encourage others to report their own experiences…

“LET’S REMOVE IT FROM YOUR RECORDS, YOU’VE CLEARLY RECOVERED FROM IT!” | HOW I HAVE OVERCOME 8 SYMPTOMS OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER & HOW YOU CAN TOO

With every fall, I learn to stand, In the face of fear, I take command

Through the storms that try to break, I'll rise again, for my own sake

With fire in my soul, I'll light the way, In this journey of life, I'm here to stay

Feel the power, it's building inside, With every heartbeat, I won't hide

No more chains, I'll break them free, In this moment, I am me

I'll rise up stronger, no holding back, With my head held high, I'm on the right track

Rise Up Stronger: Beat-Creative

After around fifteen years of having a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) stuck to my records, I began questioning its validity a year or so ago and began seeing a Psychiatrist from Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust (CNTW). After around one year of appointments, on April 1^st 2025, the Psychiatrist told me he had finally concluded that I was right; I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD and that it would now be listed as ‘historic’ in all of my records! In ascertaining that I didn’t meet the criteria (which is to have at least 5 of 9 possible symptoms) we established I had just one and when I was diagnosed, it was with the determination that I had all 9! So, considering this meant I’ve recovered from 8 symptoms of BPD, I thought I would do this blog post to chat through how I managed it in the hope that it provides advice for others and also hope for those to know you can overcome BPD…

HOW I’VE MADE IT THIS FAR | MY NEW BOOK IS AVAILABLE TO BUY NOW!!! | PART 2 OF 4

*This post is the second of 4 which will be posted every day for the following two days!*

Buy You’re NOT Disordered NOW!!

The three most obvious, go-to answers that you seriously just expect to hear when you ask someone how they have recovered from their mental illness: hospital, medication, and therapy. Fortunately – or unfortunately, I guess, depending upon how you look at it – for me, all three are true…

When my mental health deteriorated it did so in the form of auditory hallucinations, which I somehow ‘tolerated’ for around ten days before finally making my first suicide attempt. After passing out at school I was taken to hospital in an ambulance and then I ran away. The Police were called and when they found me when I had almost reached the nearby bus station, they detained me under section 136 of the 1983 Mental Health Act and I was pretty much thrown into their car and driven back to hospital where a Mental Health Act assessment promptly took place in a little room I’d never been in before in A&E. I honestly don’t’ remember much about it, just that I was told the Police could finally go and if I continued to try and leave the hospital then the staff were now allowed to restrain me, sedate me, and force me to finish the necessary, potentially life-saving medical treatment to counteract my suicide attempt.

A HUGE CHAT ABOUT THERAPY

So, the inspiration for this post has come from a very recent, disastrous first therapy appointment and so initially I was just going to concentrate on that experience, but I found myself thinking of so many more bits about therapy that I want to talk about too…

When the first Psychologist (as far as I can remember) became involved in my care/treatment, I was very much in agreement with the us vs them culture when it came to psychiatric service users and certain professionals (most often the Police and Crisis Team though).

That mindset mostly stemmed from instances where I had been a psychiatric inpatient, because I think that it can be incredibly easy to build relationships with others on the ward and then see them in a number of different situations that could lead to intense thoughts and feelings towards the staff. I mean, it could vary from seeing someone being restrained and being angry that they were being deprived of their freedom and choice, to seeing someone self-harm or attempt suicide and ending up full of resentment for the staff who had been ‘useless’ in protecting and helping that person.

So, needless to say, I saw cooperating as a sign of weakness and defeat, and I developed a fear that engaging with professionals would make me more vulnerable. After self-harming, so many people would ask why I hadn’t called for help before doing it and I’d say that I hated the thought of seeking help and then those I’d spoken to, responding in ways I didn’t want or expect. I mean, there were numerous occasions where people – in general – have voiced that someone can’t genuinely be suicidal if they’re asking for help; but then you’d make a suicide attempt, and the first question would be “why didn’t you ring such-and-such?!” And that ironic sense of being unable to do anything ‘right’ no matter what you do, can really add to the frustration and contribute to the us vs them outlook.

A GUIDE TO DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOUR THERAPY

“If you plan on being anything less than what you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.”

Abraham Maslow

So, I was going to write a blog post about something and realised it would (as a few have recently) focus on Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and with this I wondered whether I’ve ever published a post purely about DBT. Having created I’m NOT Disordered over eight years ago; I think it’s understandable that I can’t recall absolutely all of the content I’ve produced over the years; and this meant I had to scan through my post archives to determine whether I’d be repeating myself. It obviously turned out that the one post I’ve centred on DBT was published in 2016 (you can read it here) and I think it’s safe to say that I’ve had at least a ‘few’ new readers since then! Besides, I intended for this post to be more in depth than ‘ten things’ so here’s all you need to know about DBT…

In 2011, I moved down South to live with my Dad (I was born in Dorset) and when a few things went wrong, I found myself being sectioned under the 1983 Mental Health Act and admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Whilst in the hospital, a member of staff spoke with my Mum and mentioned DBT to her. When she asked for more information the staff were surprised that she and I weren’t aware of the Therapy which is arguably the most important treatment for someone with my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)!

It turned out, the mental health Trust back home (Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust – CNTW) was seriously lacking in the services they provided for helping and supporting someone with a Personality Disorder. This meant that at that time, the Trust only had a handful of psychiatric professionals trained in DBT. Not only did this reflect on the physical treatment available, but it also had an impact on the attitude and approach of many of the staff when speaking with or caring for someone with BPD. As though having a lack of training and understanding was an excuse to be rude, discriminatory, and dismissive. (Fortunately, CNTW are now in a much better position in terms of their Personality Disorder services and the knowledge their staff have of the helpful attitude and response to use with someone who has BPD.)

WAYS TO COPE WITH THE ANGER FROM ABUSE

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it?”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Have you ever seen the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them movie? It’s basically a spin-off to the Harry Potter series and in it, there’s this thing called an Obscurus which is the manifestation of violent, destructive energy from when a young Witch or Wizard has to repress their magic ability. That’s how I’d describe the anger I was left with as a result of the abuse because I repressed it for a while and so it eventually erupted into this powerful, detrimental, life-changing fury.


The first anger I experienced from the abuse wasn’t the first one that I reacted to. That sounds complicated… The first source of my anger that I actually responded to, was the anger against others; particularly, against my abuser’s colleagues. They were the people who saw myself and my abuser together the most and yet they didn’t stop the abuse. During the abuse, part of me thought ‘how the hell do they not realize what he’s doing?’ and the other part hoped they’d never find out. These two contradictions led to a lot of confusion for me and I struggled to accept that I was ‘allowed’ to be angry with these people. I wondered if I had no right to because I was doing all in my power to ensure they didn’t find out what was happening to me so how could I be so put out when they didn’t stop it?